forced consent to vaginal examinations

[terrifiedmummy]

Hello,

This is my first post and I'm posting as I really need help.

I'm going to have my second baby soon. My first labour was horrific, abusive and traumatising. Before that I had a history of sexual abuse. I've also subsequently had a traumatic botched coil fitting which ended up requiring hospital treatment.

As a result this time I'm refusing:

• all vaginal examinations
  
• any medical staff to touch or look between my legs
  
• assisted third stage of labour (I'm want the physiological option)
  
• post labour examination for tearing.
  

I've been seeing a midwife councellor and I have a consultant because this birth will be a VBAC. All staff at the hospital are adamant that my consent will be sought before any proceduce and that they will make it as comfortable as possible but that I am not permitted to not consent. Does that make sense? In effect I have to do it! Finally today, after much harrasment from me and from the staff they have agreed to my wishes but say I must come in to hospital and sign a document saying all negative outcomes (ranging from maternal and/or fetal death to tearing) are a direct result of my choices. I've also had one midwife tell me that labours without vaginal examinations usually result in dead babies.

I've provided the hospital with NICE, WHO, Lancet and Cochrane Report papers to support the safety of my decision and provide information on how to make things safer but they won't read them.

I'm glad they've finally agreed not to force me (this happened with my first labour) but I stilll need support to help find alteratives to make things actually safer and make me feel safer, calmer and less under seige. My baby will need NICU observations after birth so I'm keen to give birth in the hospital with the NICU. My babies consultant says her complications won't effect the actual birth.

Please help. Does anyone have similar experiences or information.

[RedToothBrush]

Starlight, that line:" Those are not the actions of a confident woman but a scared one"

Are such important ones to understand.

I think its really the key to how you tackle it, whatever method of birth you have.

I think that often women are under estimated in their understanding of the subject and how they know their own needs and are written off as demanding or difficult when that's far from the case.

Hcps can best 'protect' themselves simply by listening and accommodating those issues.

[PacificDogwood]

"...but the antenatal care was more of a dialogue and discussion…"

See, I think that is key. I am sorry your determination came from a position of terror. You did something v contructive with it, so kudos for that.

[Sleepyhoglet]

Trying to think of a metaphor. Having a vb is one thing and I understand your reasons for not consenting but it makes it very hard for the midwives to do their job, surely. Like asking me to teach a child but not talk to them.

[RedToothBrush]

Their job is to listen to the woman, understand how they feel and work WITH her to build trust.... Not just getting the baby out.

[MsAnthropic]

but it makes it very hard for the midwives to do their job, surely
Hmm. There are other things for midwives to observe during a normal labour that is progressing well (the women's breathing, behaviour, breathing and the purple line that appears in most women) and vaginal examinations, aside from all the problems that many women have with them which can have negative impact on labour, are just not very accurate.

There are Pros and Cons to every birth intervention.

This is quite an interesting read.

[MsAnthropic]

"the women's breathing, behaviour, breathing" was supposed to be "the women's breathing, behaviour, sounds she makes"

[fuzzpig]

I agree with those who've said you need to find a birth partner. Find a doula ASAP and get to know her well. No matter how you end up giving birth, you shouldn't have to do it alone

[bishboschone]

I had a horrendous birth first time , despite not having any issues you have had before hand . It was violating to say the least . I presumed all birth was like that but it took me 7 years to be brave enough to do it again.. I had a elcs second time round .. The pain after was much worse but the experience was much much calmer . I would consider it .