To not want toy guns

[yesiamwhoyouthinkiam]

I know I will get a lot of 'boys will use sticks as guns, it's just what they do' responses but I wondered if there were any other parents here who have successfully managed to at least keep toy guns out of their houses?

My DS (almost 4) has already started making shooting actions, talking about 'good shot' and mentioned 'killing monsters with guns' which I know he has picked up from nursery and my DHs tendency to let him watch slightly unsuitable cartoons (scooby doo, super ted).

I have tried explaining that guns are just not nice things to have but clearly it's all just a game to DS.

Was quite aghast at his similar aged cousin threatening to shoot my DS this week.

Anyone been able to successfully keep guns away from their kids (boys I suppose) even after they have started school?

[backinaminute]

I don't think yabu op. I've had this problem recently.

Ds1 is 3.5. DP and I both didn't want him to have guns (nor ds2, 20mo). However about 6 months ago ds1 found a space gun at our friends house and of a sudden became obsessive. They have never bothered either way about guns, their ds (same age) has them around but not really fussed.

It was one of those occasions where I felt a bit cringey. My (best) friend didn't say anything but a wry smile as my ds would not put this bloody gun down all day. This is when the gun obsession started.

When we got home he talked about this gun all the time. Last thing he would say before going to sleep was 'if there's a monster will you run to (friend's) house get that gun and shoot it?'

It was all he wanted to play at nursery (who don't allow gun play). It was all he made out of duplo, the only thing that he would draw a picture of (well scribble but when you asked what it was he said 'a gun'). At this stage a group of boys at nursery were all obsessed so that did loads of stuff around superheroes who don't need guns

I then got him a bubble gun to try and take the edge off - within 5 mins he pointed it at his little brother and said 'share or I will kill you' - nice! So it was taken away (and given back later).

Basically that didn't stop it so we got water pistols. That didn't either.

All his friends at nursery has moved
On to other stuff but my ds was still obsessed. They have asked me about it loads of times - I reckon they think we let him play Call of Duty on the xbox or something

Anyway, sorry to ramble on. In the end I caved. I bought him two nerf guns with a hundred bullets and told him to knock his socks off.

I realised that I was turning into a far bigger issue (for me and him) by not letting him - it was like some secret excitement. He's played with the need guns constantly for about a week and it's calmed down loads. Still builds them out of duplo but does build other stuff as well.

It's turned everything on it's head a bit for me. We are in the countryside, most family members have shot guns. I'm not quite sure why I dislike them so much but I do but ds1 (even ds2 has joined in now) loves them and they are just toys. I will try and steer away from big replica ones but he's still only little yet so that might change - I'm not as bothered as I was.

Good luck op I hope it goes better for you but it just wasn't worth the battle for us.

On this basis I'm going buy him a packet of fags and a crate of beer for his 4th birthday .

Writing all this down (actually before that) I do think I've been massively pfb about it all.

rolls eyes as 20mo is shooting his bother with a sticklebrick

[Greyhound]

Oh tell me about it! I really didn't want toy guns but ds has loads - some more realistic than others.

The main problem is that my dh likes guns and, in fact, used sell them as a business. He still has at least two air guns - I hate them

I do agree with the stick / toast thing. I suppose that banning a toy only makes it more desirable...

[PinkAndBlueBedtimeBears]

Haven't read the whole thread, so no idea if it's a bun fight at the other end, but my parents never let my db or I have guns- to the extent they would open up the action man packaging before Christmas Day and take out his mini guns etc! Tbh, I don't think it's made any difference, he's a lovely man and I'm sure he still would have been had action man been allowed his gun! But it's personal choice, I don't really want my ds having any guns.. Just doesn't sit right with me!

[deepbluetr]

I think there is a danger in banning guns altogether- in vilifying guns we end up increasing their appeal- I agree with backinaminute about the "secret excitement".

For the gun banners does that apply to all weapons? Toy swords, water pistols, catapults, plastic axes, light sabres etc.

Play is a way of exploring ideas and concepts, many children will go through a "gun phase" but very few will end up shooting as an adult. I don't see any evidence to show that playing with toy guns turns children into homocidal maniacs.

[soapnuts]

I think it totally depends on the child. I was adamant (still am) about my boys not having guns and they don't. They also rarely play with them at other people's houses - just not interested. I haven't banned them as such but I wouldn't buy them and if they've been given them I've removed and lost/replaced them very quickly. They've never been bothered. I also say I don't like it if they start talking about killing things/people etc (which was a phase about a year ago at 4ish at DS1s school) and they stopped that pretty quickly too. It is possible to keep them away but I think you also have to be careful with what they watch/play etc - that can be worse if you ask me. Also, if they want them when they are old enough not to be influenced by me (or my wallet!!) I'll have to let them have them but I do think that it's the early years that are most important in not letting guns become normalised.

If it's important to you try it - what's the worst that can happen?

[EveDallasRetd]

DD has been to work with me and handled my 'real' gun (obvs unloaded). She understands what it means to have one, how serious it is and the respect I have for it. She understands that the tank her father drove and fired from was just another type of gun, and what it meant for him to go to war in it. She has a healthy respect for guns and the people that have to use them...

She still threatens to shoot people, has a collection of Nerf Rebelle weapons, has a target that she 'blasts between the eyes' and sent my sister a text after her birthday saying "thanks for my crossbow Anty J. I like pretending to shot dad and will get him twice when he snores"

It's just play. I don't think she's going to grow up damaged or fascinated by weapons. Although she does say that she's glad DH and I can shoot and can teach her if the Zombie Apocalypse comes

[CountBapula]

YANBU. I don't let DS1 (4) have toy guns. A couple have snuck in and have conveniently got 'lost'. I also try to gently discourage him from saying stuff like, 'You're dead' or 'I'm going to kill/shoot you' (I tell him to say 'zap' instead).

It's not out of PC-ness or a worry that he'll turn into a homicidal maniac. It's a personal preference - I dislike violence generally (even in films etc). I also really dislike the way it's a thing boys are expected to do: it's just another example of the way boys and girls are stereotyped and gendered from a very young age. Boys are expected to engage in violent play, girls are expected to engage in nurturing play. It's depressing.

He makes guns out of duplo, clothes pegs, his tool kit etc, and I'm fine with that. He has a good imagination and role-plays all sorts of situations. But I'm not going to actively encourage it by buying him toy guns, IYSWIM.

[ProcessYellowC]

Just a question first - is it the gun-specific language like "shooting" people/things that bothers you, or what about general killing language?

I'm not a fan of (real-looking) toy guns and while I haven't tried hard to restrict DS(6) from having them, he still hasn't ended up with any actual toy guns for himself. TBH I don't think they aren't that in fashion as a toy (except nerf guns) and someone'd have to make a special effort to get one. HOWEVER, my DS has a thing about knights and loves swords which we have completely indulged.

Also we have millions of tiny Playmobil and Lego guns...though he is much more interested in the swords.

And yes even though DS isn't gun-mad and doesn't own any for himself we had a weird incident over the holidays - we were just standing outside toilets looking at a map when DS made eye-contact with a random boy of about the same age, walking past around 6 feet away with his family; DS raised his hand in a gun shape and followed the boy's head with this "gun", maintaining eye-contact as the boy walked past. We stopped it when we realised what was going on but not fast enough in my view and we read him the absolute riot act.

[Sallystyle]

Mine are not allowed toy guns. My eldest is 15 now and never had one.

I never liked them and when my friend's son shot himself I further couldn't bring myself to have them in the house.

So yes, I have successfully kept them out of my house.

[Sallystyle]

I have five children, I am not at all PFB.

I simply don't like them and in 15 years of parenting never had them in my house. My children have never minded or had their imagination stunted.

It's not a big deal either way.

[Purplepoodle]

I won't have guns. Dc have created guns out of lego ect (sigh). I just tell them it's not nice to shoot people and set them up a pretend target range of Lego bricks

[TheRealAmandaClarke]

Yanbu.
Firstly, for a forum involving so many people who are enthusiastic about choice the "your child-your rules" mantra applies very well her.
Secondly, just because children play with make believe stick guns does not mean that you need to reinforce their acceptability.
Toy guns normalise the holding of firearms. I dont like that idea. Especially in a time where gang and gun culture are such an issue.
I am surprised that people still give toy guns to children tbh. It seems to be something that most intelligent ppl have outgrown.

[TheRealAmandaClarke]

Sorry, just realised that sounded a bit snooty.
Not meant to be. It is just that most of the grown ups I know wouldnt do that now.
A bit like how when I was growing up everyone had toy guns and parents who smoked indiscriminately around their kids and dads who would drink and drive (am old) but now nobody does these things.
And no. i am not saying that toy guns are akin to drink driving, just pointing out the similar cultural shift in what is considered acceptable.

[PunkrockerGirl]

My adult dc had toy guns. They don't go round shooting people.
One year when they were little we went to church on Palm Sunday and they made guns out of the palm crosses we were given on the way out

[GrossMeister]

Not having toy guns in the house isn't a big deal really. We just... don't happen to have any

DCs (5/7) have never asked for one. Sometimes they have pointed their finger like a gun. I don't think they're deprived because they've never been told "no you can't have a gun" IYSWIM? They just haven't got one. Just like not having a big model kitchen or a toy phone or a hobby horse - they just pretend using other stuff.

I'm sure they'll be given one at some point or choose to get one with birthday/pocket money if they want to.

No water pistols either but that's because there's no garden so nowhere safe to have water fights :(

[Hakluyt]

I don't think for a minute that the OP thinks that having toy guns will make her boys (or anyone else's children) into homicidal maniacs.

She just doesn't like them playing with a toy version of something the only purpose of which is to hurt or kill people. Which seem fair enough to me. I didn't have guns in my house when mine were little either. They played with them at other people's houses- just not in ours. And I explained why. I said that I didn't like killing games. And we didn't play them in our house. No big deal.

I would be interested to know I what would happen if Mattel produced an IED laying kit. Would people be happy with their children playing with that?

[frogbubbles]

Mine had guns - mainly wooden ones with corks, swords, and numerous nerf guns.

He also had a pram, dolls, kitchen set. He's outgrown all now at 13 and prefers computers, iPods and his iPad

[PunkrockerGirl]

It's a toy. Some perspective needed here. As frog pointed out, they have other toys as well, soon lose interest and move on to something else.

My dc did have guns but even at that young age they knew that killing people with real guns = very, very wrong.
Tbh, bastarding light sabres were far more of a nuisance.

Went to dn' s 3rd birthday party at the weekend. It was pirate themed and they all had toy daggers. Is that considered wrong too?

[MissPenelopeLumawoo]

Scooby doo encouraging guns? I thought that the monsters were caught in a (usually useless) trap thought up by Fred? The monsters are always alive at the end, so that they can be de-masked and moan on about those 'pesky kids'. Not sure where guns come into it!

[MrsMook]

I have no policy regarding toy guns. My 3 year old has a water gun, and his inspiration is Norman's Joker Soaker on Fireman Sam. He jumps around making shooting noises and gestures. He's not very verbal, but I think it's water and hoses he shoots.

I'm sure we'll end up with nerf guns. DH and I enjoy playing with each other.

DS currently plays car crashes. It doesn't mean he will grow up crashing cars. I talk about why I'm driving safely and why it would be bad to crash.

He also pretends his doll is crying and breast feeds it.

I think the more important influence is attached to values rather than the tool. I'd worry more about premature play with violent video games than physical play.

[scottishmummy]

I don't like guns.presumably folk mean the criminality association.maybe police or agricultural?
Adult and inappropriate use of guns has no bearing on child free play.or how child uses gun in their imagination
One cannot impose adult motives fe gun use,onto a child and as result take child toy gun

[Hakluyt]

But it is absolutely fine not to want your child to play killing games.

I don't understand why people get so heated in defence of toy guns.

[shrunkenhead]

I'm PFB and proud! OP wasn't saying if you give a toy gun to a child they will inevitably turn into a gun-crazed loon and start shooting people with real guns! Call me a Leftie MC Pacifist if you like but I just don't think encouraging toy guns is really on in today's society.
I have yet to see a gun on CBeebies....and wouldn't expose my child to violent tv programmes.

[scottishmummy]

Again,your imposing a very adult interpretation onto child free play
To you it's sinister,killing game to be discouraged?to child it's game,imagination
That's the rub.adults imposing adult interpretation onto children play

[scottishmummy]

Again,your imposing a very adult interpretation onto child free play
To you it's sinister, killing game to be discouraged?to child it's game,imagination
That's the rub.adults imposing adult interpretation onto children play