At a soft play area with DH, DS1 (3 years) and DS2 (1 year). I was in the little baby area with DS2, next to what sounded like a group of mums from a NCT class or similar, they all had babies around 5-6mths and from what they were saying all seemed to be their first child. BTW wasn't massively earwigging but DS2 was playing right next to them so impossible not to hear! Anyway they were discussing parenting techniques to teach their children manners as they grow up, cue DS1 to launch into a temper tantrum in the adjacent area as DH had just told him we needed to leave in a few minutes. Now DS1 is a relatively well behaved, very normal 3 year old, we have the odd temper tantrum when he is tired, unwell or just in a mood but overall I can't complain, he is a lovely boy. This group of mums were looking over to him and DH discussing how their children would never behave like that and it all came down to the parenting. They made a whole list of assumptions about how my son obviously had no boundaries, no consistency and was probably playing up for his dad as his parents must be separated and he was struggling to come to terms with it so giving dad hell on his 'contact day'. I kid not! I was gobsmacked - and the tantrum wasn't even that bad! I was rather annoyed and felt very protective of ds1, we're by no means the perfect parents, but we think very carefully about our parenting, give it our all and have two thriving, healthy, lovely boys so can't be too bad. I got up and made it very clear DS1 was my son by calling him over to me and DS2, this broke his attention from tantrum (all you really need to do to get him to move on from it) and he came over with DH, gave me a hug and DH a hug, and then (thank goodness!) was wonderfully cute helping his baby brother climb out the ball pit and to his pushchair. One of the mum's looked at me horrified realising I must have heard everything and started to apologise. I just calmly said (something along the lines of) 'just remember this conversation when your child is kicking off in the supermarket or park or wherever and you feel everyone is staring at you and judging you as a terrible mother, and from the corner of the place you will get a knowing smile of support from a mum who has been there. You will be so grateful to that mum at that point and it'll make all the stares and comments of judgements feel less important. It'd be nice if parents could stick together rather than passing absurd judgements. No child is perfect all the time and if you really expect your children to be I think you will be hugely disappointed.' I just walked off with the children and a confused DH and that was that. DH said their faces were a picture - though he at that point had no idea what I was going on about!
After we left though I had to chuckle to myself - I am sure I had thought DS1 would always be an easy and perfect child and if I just parented him right he would always be polite, well behaved etc, though I thought this group of mums very rude - I did wonder if we all start out a little naive?!
AIBU?
Was I little harsh in what I said to this group of mums, they were BU but I feel bad now and wonder were we all really that naive once?
Deedaadeedaadee · 23/08/2014 20:03
SirChenjin - so the problem with your NCT was that it covered c-section birth for someone having a c-section, and coping with pets and a new baby for someone who had a pet and was expecting a new baby?
Blimey - it sounds AWFUL 
Don't know if it's the same farm park I went to with DD and DNeice, but I had such a surreal experience at one - you know, when the world tilts and you wonder if you really are the normal one?
DD loves Peter Rabbit on CBeebies. She pretends to be Lily and they often play it.
So when I said "Come along, Rabbits!" that is what I meant. I was a bit surprised at the look I got from a lady nearby.
She sidled over.
"You do know what a rabbit is, don't you?"
Um, yes. Fluffy tail, floppy ears.
She whispered "It's a vibrator!"
"So it isn't really an appropriate name to call little girls." she continued.
I think I mumbled something about bearing it in mind.
It will colour every future rendition of "Sleepy Bunnies" I sing, though 
Pristine-pink bugaboo lady gave me The Evils yesterday at DS's major tantrum noisy episode.
Just wait, lady, just wait
We had one incredibly intense couple at oNCT class - they had spent years trying to conceive and were obviously delighted to be expecting twins, but they were taking it all very, very seriously. We had to act out the c-section she was going to have - we were all allocated roles, and had to stand at the appropriate place around her as she reclined on a couple of chairs - and no-one was allowed to laugh. Another week was a Q & A session - their question was about preparing their pet cat for the twins, as they were very concerned about potential jealousy issues on the part of Tiddles. Cue one very lengthy and earnest discussion about how pets might feel with a new baby in the house, and what could be done to alleviate such feelings. DH's shoulders were shaking uncontrollably by this point .
The NHS antenatal classes just weren't the same...
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I don't think it was a perfect speech - she made it clear in the OP that it as "something along the lines of". Have you never come out with a brilliant retort? I know I have (yes, I mean you, lady with pfb who pushed ahead of DD and I in the showers before swimming lesson) - although most of the time I think of the perfect answer after the event.
There is a definite type of parent at the NCT - and I can say that having been to both NCT and the local antenatal classes run at the health centre by the Health Visitors. I met one of my best friends at an NCT class 17 years ago, and we still have a good giggle at a couple of the parents who always went. But in a nice way 
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