To think that lots of people do suck up to people who have money?

[cithkadston]

And to wonder why this happens a lot? Before I start my post, I'm not jealous, this is just something that I have noticed happening in general, and the psychology behind it interests me.

When DD1 was at primary school there were two children whose families were generally perceived as wealthy. These children always got the lead parts in everything and were always chosen to do nice things at school, and the mums were treated like queens by lots of the other mums, practically wetting themselves with excitement if the mums spoke to them, or if their DC was invited to a party of one of the rich children.

On forums and facebook groups that I have been on, the top dogs are usually women that come across as being well off, and who post nice photos on Facebook of nice things they own and have done.

The top dog of my NCT group when I had DD1 is well off, and once again she was treated like a queen and allowed to totally dominate things by the majority of the group.

Also someone that I have known for years met and moved in with her wealthy partner about 3 years ago, and has had a baby, and seems to have acquired a lot of fans since she got together with him, with lots of people telling her on Facebook how fantastic and gorgeous she is.

AIBU to wonder why this happens? Has anyone else noticed this?

[MyBaby1day]

@Tikimon, you're right, I am just like this, I disguise my poverty very well!!.....good job!!

[Tikimon]

People can disguise poverty very well. There's a lot of wealthy looking people that come into our stores that are paying with food stamps. You'd be surprised at the brand names you can buy in thrift stores.

[MyBaby1day]

I also agree about people being more attracted to success, be that good at something, or good looking. I am not being vain a nice looking girl, mixed race too so stand out a bit more and I'm sure people talk to me much more because of that....maybe my Blackberry too!! .

Also, note that not all rich people are nice, raising this money I have encountered a good few I would otherwise not have done and some aren't nice people at all. Some poor aren't either!. I try and be like Bruce Lee (my hero) and not see barriers. But have been slightly guilty of the success and wealth in the past. Not sucking up though, just more of a fondness.

[MyBaby1day]

I'm a little guilty of this myself but I do need a life-saving op in America so have a reason. I also treat everyone equal too.

[mumminio]

Agree with PPs about it happening, but only some people who are idiots do it. Those are the ones to avoid.

I did have a rather nasty experience a few years back, in an upmarket department store in London. After going to the gym, I popped in to get some make up. I looked like a mess, but was on the way home on my bike, so didn't care. The girl at the Chanel counter looked me in the eye, scanned me up and down, turned away and then ignored me! They lost a very good customer that day! I still haven't been back to that department store.

[DogCalledRudis]

I had a sort of "posh" friend first year at uni... We didn't stay friends for too long as she would go to have lunch in a very fancy restaurant, and my lunch budget would only cover a supermarket sandwich, by best wishes, a kebab. But not a steak... A few times she paid for me, but we both found it very uncomfortable...

[NerfHerder]

I suppose it depends on what has cachet in your circle. At my children's school, it not how much money you have (because- it's a fee-paying school, so people in general already have achieved a certain level of wealth), rather what your children achieve (i.e who wins the sporting prizes, the academic prizes, etc).

Some parents are rather surprised when they meet me (yeah- stuck-up hair, half-witted, and scruffy-looking... the MNname is apt) after encountering my children .

[Nancy66]

I agree with others, think it's more likely to be that they come across as glamorous, interesting, confident etc rather than purely about the money.

If they were horrible people I doubt they'd be so popular whether wealthy or not.

[ChelsyHandy]

I think people are attracted to success, whether that be shown through money, being physically attractive, owning nice things, being good at sport or music or art or something. ie not just money. Some people who are confident and successful do have a bit of an aura of charisma around them, and tend to do interesting things and be fun to be around.

Some other people try to attract attention by making people feel sorry for them or constantly bemoaning their lot, and while they often get sympathy for a while, if nothing that bad has actually happened to them, I do think many people's patience wears a bit thin.

[Owllady]

This is alien to me
I feel lucky I have always had genuine friendships with people as I can't associate with any of this

[Babiesbabieseverywhere]

My mum's well off but has a crap car and doesn't tend to wear expensive clothes or any make up and doesn't look or act 'rich'. This is because she genuinely doesn't care, she likes her old banger etc. I shall ask her if people suck up to her, I don't think they do. I've never seen her friends do it.

Interesting thread.

[wasabipeanut]

It's odd but it does happen. A good friend of mine lives in a house which can only be described as "high profile" in our community. They took a punt on restoring it and there were also other risk factors which I won't go into because I don't want to out them but people do suck up because of the house. They also assume they are considerably wealthier than they actually are.

It's all quite interesting. I have found that some types will try to,ingratiate themselves with those who they perceive to to be wealthy but if the cash is accompanied by "poshness" they are more likely to run a mile.

[4boysxhappy]

Yes this is true.

We have a large house and look on the outside to have money (we don't)

Anyway some people find out you live in that house and suddenly they are friendly, ask your advice on everything (???), want to socialise, etc

[Maisyblue]

I also tend to steer away from people with lots of money, I don't know if it's an inferiority thing or that I just get on with people who I can identify with...skint ones like me.

[ItHasANiceRingWhenYouLaugh]

People with perceived power get this too. The wives of the headmaster and deputy head at our school have lots of fans, and have to be quite careful to keep themselves out of trouble.

[expatinscotland]

Not noticed this. But I don't know any very wealthy people, either.

[Openup41]

newfavourite
There are a few snooty mothers at my dc school. You can spot them a mile off. They have already made up their minds on who their wonderful dc will invite home for playdates/tea. They loudly boast about their dc's ballet/drama/dance class while we wait to collect them.

[Openup41]

It can be likened to the pretty girl at school; the girls want to be associated with her and the boys want to date her.

[newfavouritething]

haha yes - one of the mums at school only started talking to me when we changed our car and she found out where we lived. She's horrid.

[Openup41]

I agree that some people like to hang on to those they perceive to be wealthy.

A friend and her husband are very comfortable. The way some people suck up to them is embarrassing.

Do people think the wealth will somehow rub off on them?

[Missunreasonable]

Simon : you could give me your cash in order to prove OPs theory. I will reluctantly take it all of your hands

[winkywinkola]

Agree with op.

Parents who are loaded at dcs' school get acolytes. It's kind of revolting to see. Plus the loaded parents are really quite snooty.

[Maisyblue]

I've noticed this too, it's like if you go shopping dressed down compared to dressed up in your best clothes, you just get treated different by shop assistants.

[DogCalledRudis]

Some people, including children, can get very manipulative. If they smell you're better off, they'll want to be invited to your place, get treats, hand-me-down items, etc.