AIBU to be cross that my dad has given my 50 year-old deadbeat brother a job?

[williaminajetfighter]

My 50 year old brother has just been given a Director's role at one of my Dad's businesses and I am fuming...! AIBU to be so cross??

The background: My brother is a software engineer and had a good job until 10 years ago when he decided to quit to start his own consultancy. His consultancy never actually resulted in ANY work and not a single client. He had ideas about programs he wanted to develop, and worked on things, but generally his consultancy was purely a tax write-off and a way for him to toodle around. This seemed to be a big driver in his successful wife leaving him (7 years ago). Since then he has spent his time embroiled in divorce proceedings and 'working on software ideas' spending all his savings, pension and regular handouts from my father. In the last few years my brother has reluctantly looked for employment and been offered some roles but none are 'good enough' for him as he expects a director or very senior level role despite his lack of recent experience and very poor interpersonal skills. Seriously. He has totally run out of money and even then turned down roles.

Enter my dad - he is a retired CEO who owns a number of companies and is a key shareholder in others. He has a business that he has sunk a huge amount of money into. The business is doing fine although the usual niggles. But it turns out he has made my brother the Director of Engineering and paying him a huge sum (6 figure salary) to 'fix' parts of the company. The company HQ is in Europe so my brother gets to work from home most of the time, get paid flights into the HQ and a flat to stay at. It is a sweet deal. Even if the company goes under (which it may very well do if my awkward brother pisses off all the other senior staff!) my brother will now be able to look for a job from a much more senior, active role. My brother has become all 'smug' about his new role - he's 'soooo busy' and there is 'so much that he needs to sort out that no one else can seem to fix'. Snort!

I KNOW, I KNOW.. I should be grateful that my father is in a position to help him 'get back on his feet' but, holy cow, I've been working FT for the last 20 years and I'm still not at a Director level! I don't want my Dad to help me in this way and I'm happy with my career but... AIBU to be pissed off about this? It's the old 'prodigal son' story I think!!

[doziedoozie]

I would have a chat with DF to make the point that if he gives everything to DB and leaves nothing for you to inherit you might feel aggrieved and you would hate it to jeopardise your close (lay it on) relationship with your DB.

And make sure you inherit something otherwise it looks like you may be forgotten (and any DGC you might have).

There are some idiots running big companies so don't assume your DB won't appear to make a go of this and believe he was the one that saved it.

Your DF possibly sees your DB as how things might have gone for him in different circumstances. or maybe DF had a useless DB or DU which he would have helped if able.

Perhaps get an outsider eg a solicitor involved in the hope he lets DF see how unfair he is being.

As for DB, just smile through gritted teeth as you can't change anything!

[ChanelNo19LoveIt]

I'm not surprised you're pissed off. My brother is a hard-worker and so it's hard to imagine, but actually, if my parents handed ME something so huge on a plate, he'd be right to feel like you do.

I'd tell your dad that you're put out. Remind him you've stuck at jobs that weren't that fulfilling, or rewarding, remind him (with results) that you're not the intellectual inferior of your brother. Ask him if he'd have done this for you if you'd resigned ten years ago to develop ideas and obsess over your divorce???

[however]

yanbu

[MagicMojito]

Yanbu, I despise nepotism with a passion. I feel sorry for the poor employees who now have to work under him.

I also cannot stand when cocky bastards get their way. It's like they're sticking their tongue out saying "told you so"

You have my sympethy.

[williaminajetfighter]

Hi. My dad didn't offer me a role in this business but years ago for something else entirely. I was 25 and felt too inexperienced to take it on.

I do fear brother will drive business into the ground and convince my dad to keep throwing money into the business and he will guiltily do so.

If course there's a bit of spur grapes but my brother has literally done nothing for 10 years and been arrogant about it to boot. Should he deserve an opportunity to get back into the work force? Of course. Should that be a director level sweet deal 6 figure salary with my dad who, quite frankly, he's been v rude to in the past. Um...no.

Put yourself in my place and I'm sure it would rankle....

[DeadSirius]

I really don't see the problem.

It doesn't sound like your brother is grossly unqualified, just doesn't have recent experience. Plenty of qualified professionals have had to get back in the field after time away - working on separate projects, SAHPs going back to work, etc. It's difficult to do, but doesn't mean they're inherently unqualified.

Your dad offered him a place, which will be mutually beneficial, your dad will eventually retire and wants to keep the company in the hands of family.

He's offered you a job, but your interests lay elsewhere.

"I don't want it, but I don't want anyone else to have it" is a childish attitude.

[Salmotrutta]

So your dad did offer you a role?

And now he's treated your brother equally.

But you think your brother will ruin the business?

The business you aren't interested in working in?

[TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams]

If you don't ask, you don't get. Clearly you brother has!

[williaminajetfighter]

Arts orgs not arts legs!

[williaminajetfighter]

Thx for your comments. Tread - I've never asked for help starting a business as just assumed he wouldn't go for it!

Chelsy - i wouldn't say I'm massively successful but not a total failure. I've worked for major museums and arts legs in the UK and currently in a senior managerial role making over 50k in the arts --/ which is a lot for the arts, trust me!!

[TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams]

Maybe it's your fathers way of giving him one last chance before selling off some or all of his companies?

Personally, I'd be fuming too and it's difficult to object without looking like a money grabbing sour grapes child. There's little you can do about it though if you are not prepared to work for your Dad too.

If your Dad is that sucessful, why haven't you put together a business plan to invest in or open your own auction house?

[MrsCampbellBlack]

YANBU

But the company will soon go down in 'value' if your brother is very involved at a senior level from the sounds of it.

Quite unusual I think for someone who is a good businessman to put a person into a senior role they can't do even when family.

I feel most sorry for the people working with/for your brother to be honest - am sure they'll let their feelings be known though.

[PegPlusCat]

Would you lot not help your adult DCs out. I would

Not if it meant letting someone who was incapable potentially ruin the lives of my employees. Doesn't the OP's father owe it to them to not toy with their futures by letting his feckless son run the company?

[TinklyLittleLaugh]

Chelsy I can't see anywhere where the OP says she is not successful. She is happily making a living in an incredibly competitive field.

[ChelsyHandy]

Just a question. Who has earned most in their lifetime, you or your DB?

I condemn nepotism, and pity the people who have to work with your DB. That said, neither of you are mega-successful. Your DF hasn't inspired either of you with his work ethic or business talent really, so I'm thinking something in the upbringing. Maybe your DB felt able to take the risk of consultancy because he knew there is always someone there to bail him out.

[ImperialBlether]

In which case he will fail, won't he? Your dad is a businessman and as he's done so well for himself, I assume he's not daft. Maybe he's got his henchmen in place to make sure any disasters created by your brother are swiftly averted; you might find your brother actually has very little actual power. I'm thinking of a G W Bush Jr situation; his dad's men were all around him (though of course they didn't avert disaster in his case!)

[williaminajetfighter]

Bookaboo - my dad did offer me something ages ago but not right for me. I don't want the same as my brother I am just cross that he has been gifted such a crazily senior role for which he isn't even experienced!!

[BookABooSue]

Do you think if you had worked in the private sector and shown an interest in business then your ddad wouldn't have offered you a job?

I can see that it could be sexism that has led him to treat you both differently but it also seems pretty obvious that you've deliberately chosen a different sector where your ddad can't help you. I'm not suggesting you've chosen it as a reaction against your ddad. I'm just saying it is a conscious choice which sector you work in and you are in one where your ddad can't offer you a position.

[ICanSeeTheSun]

I hope to give my DC the same as much as possible.

In this situation I would have Ds working with me and open an auction and have my daughter running it.

I hope never to show favouritism.

[BuggersMuddle]

The sexism thing would drive me potty.

I recognise the 6 figure thing. I have a relative who suggested that because his brother had a degree, a private school education and was in his 50s, he 'ought to be earning 6 figures', to which I responded 'why?'. Well off parents, good education so he 'just should'. Erm, no.

Fortunately the person in question was not in a position to 'make it happen' for the other relative at the expense of themselves or others, but I do recognise the view.

It's amazing how people can be so savvy in business and yet so blinkered when it comes to their nearest and dearest.

[WooWooOwl]

I can see that it might grate in a sibling type way, but really, what's the problem?

It doesn't affect you, it's a good thing for your brother whom you presumably love, and it will make your Dad feel more comfortable as he gets older.

If your dad has sexist views that you disagree with, then that's a separate issue and it's just that the job has brought it to the forefront of your mind.

[ilovesooty]

I think I'd be pissed off as well. It's a human and natural reaction. You sound as though you've done really well and have a lot to be proud of.

[williaminajetfighter]

Thx for all your comments. I would always help my adult DC out but if my son had behaved like a complete d**k for years I'm not sure if I would give him a golden, well-paid job on a platter. There are definitely other, lesser options available!

[shareacokewithnoone]

Would you lot not help your adult DCs out. I would