That this child said " no black people allowed"

[Bongobaby]

Ds was playing out with the neighbours kids and they were ganging up on ds. Anyway I thought ds could handle the situation but I stood at the window just incase things got out of hand. Ds moved over to our front garden but the others moved to their front garden and ds wanted to join in to which the little girl turned to ds and said " no not you, no black people allowed".
At this point I went out to her and said " do not speak to him like that, apologise". She did. But aibu to think that there was no need for her to have said it in the first place and that I made her apologise?

[ReallyTired]

The age of criminal responsibility in the uk is 10 years old. If this girl made the same mistake in 2 years time she could end up with a criminal record.

What's is a racist manner. Most racism is not deliberate. It is why children need to be educated to learn not to be accidentally racist.

[sezamcgregor]

StaryGazeyPond "They could just as easily said "no gingers" or "no kids in glasses" or "no girls"" - and that would be fine would it?

Discriminating against gingers, kids with glasses or if their skin is black are all the same in my book!!

[Marylou62]

On our small village estate, my dark skinned DS and his 2 black friends were called racist names by 2 brothers of about 8-10. I went and talked to the dad and told him what they had said..he said 'well they are aren't they'??!! I wouldn't waste your breath.

[dawndonnaagain]

StarGazey 1)Bongo has been here for a while. 2) The no gingers etc are equally unacceptable, it's still bullying.

Bongo Sorry this has happened. I do agree with others, if you get the opportunity tell them why it's unacceptable. Does sound like it's the parents though.

[dawndonnaagain]

Marylou Have a word with the police if it happens again.

[Haffdonga]

stargazey

[BackforGood]

I'm sorry your ds has heard this, and now feels he doesn't want to play out, but as others said on the first page, there's no point in standing over a child and saying "apologise" as an order - you really should have taken the opportunity to talk to her and help her to understand why what she said was so wrong. I don't think you've done anything to make her think about saying it again.

[Doubtfuldaphne]

My dh had this kind of crap growing up and it makes me so angry. It's definitely down to the parents and they need to be told its unacceptable. Whether they'll listen is debatable but what more can you do other than stand up for your dc's?
I'm so sad this has happened.

[Bongobaby]

I'm not on here to be goady Stargazy and my user name is my personal choice to use. Why would you be so rude?
I would find it discrimination to kids that are ginger, wearing glasses so I really don't see your point!!
Won't be posting here again on mn

[MsAnthropic]

Discriminating against gingers, kids with glasses or if their skin is black are all the same in my book!!
All discrimination is wrong, but no, those things are not anything like racism which has caused immense human suffering, loss of life, torture and subjugation. It is still a serious problem. The scale of the problem and the history of racism and the extent of the injury make the situations not in the slightest bit the same and it's insulting to claim it is.

[WanderingTrolley1]

Bongo, I think I'd probably try to phase that friendship out.

You're against it if the child's parents are that way inclined.

[Notsureifnormal]

That is revolting. If you think the parents might be approachable I would have a gentle word, maybe cushion it with 'she's so young, maybe she didn't know' etc. if they're a family of scumbags then leave well alone and tell your son no ignorant nasty people allowed and stay away.
Are there a lot of black people where you live? Not that it should matter either way.

[sezamcgregor]

MrsAnthropic - "All discrimination is wrong, but no, those things are not anything like racism which has caused immense human suffering, loss of life, torture and subjugation. It is still a serious problem. The scale of the problem and the history of racism and the extent of the injury make the situations not in the slightest bit the same and it's insulting to claim it is."

I disagree.

Children not playing with a child because they wear glasses
Children not playing with a child because they have red hair
Children not playing with a child who is black, or Chinese, or Pakistani

None of these is more or less "OK" than the other. They are all discrimination and they are all unacceptable.

[ArsenicFaceCream]

What an edifying and encouraging thought broken

Let's all console ourselves that the disadvantaged young girl parroting the bigotted views of her idiot parents will one day 'get the shit kicked out of her'. Yes that's better. All is restored to its natural fluffy balance

[StarGazeyPond]

StaryGazeyPond "They could just as easily said "no gingers" or "no kids in glasses" or "no girls"" - and that would be fine would it?

Did I SAY it would seza - read my post, don't jump on what you THINK you read. I just said that children are likely to say ANYTHING to other children.

[Primadonnagirl]

Not sure why you are asking if YABU??!

[sezamcgregor]

Stary - Had the OP had heard them saying to her DC "No, not you, no gingers allowed" or "No, not you, no kids with glasses allowed" - she probably would still have commented to the child and made her apologise.

[MsAnthropic]

None of these is more or less "OK" than the other. They are all discrimination and they are all unacceptable.
I never said that any of them had any degree of being OK and I said that all discrimination is wrong. So glad we're in agreement - splendid

[Marylou62]

Dawn, this was about 15 years ago so things have changed...I wouldn't hesitate if it happened now. Actually all 3 boys are fine young men whilst the other family have had nothing but trouble with their boys. One of the boys is staying with me for the summer and we talked about this only yesterday. They remember the incident but just laugh it off now...they are confident amazing young people. The funny thing is although both my DH and I are not black, our son could easily be taken as mixed race...he has had racist comments from the small minded village idiots most of his life...he actually thinks it is funny and takes it for what it is...complete and utter ignorance from people who have been nowhere, and done nothing...whilst he is travelling the world. I cannot stress enough that you let your DCs know that these people are idiots (the parents) and isn't it sad that the child is picking up on it.

[Aeroflotgirl]

Stargaze it's that kind of attitude downplaying what is a very serious issue why racism keeps on. Yes it's equally appalling and unacceptable to say no: gays, disabled people, women. All these attitudes are wrong in society and will not be tolerated, thus girl is 8, not 18 months so has to learn that it's wrong.

[onedamnthingafteranother]

You can't get a criminal record for making a remark, ReallyTired, however unpleasant. No idea where you got that from. Assault, threats, incitement to racial hatred, yes. Not "you can't play with us because you're black".

Also, comments from a poster upthread like "oh, my children don't notice skin colour" - please. Of course they do, and its disingenuous to say they don't. If they treat everyone well, that's the achievement, not pretending difference doesn't mean anything. So-called colourblindness, and "treating everyone the same" can in fact inadvertently BE racist, because people sometimes need to be treated differently to be really equal.

[handcream]

I had the opposite, my DS was not allowed to play in a game because one girl said he wasnt brown...

The school did talk to me at pick up time as they needed to log it, they were only 5 so I just didnt make a big thing of it until the mother of the child called me to one side a few days later. I didnt know who had said the comments until then. She started off Ok and then started saying I wouldnt understand and that her DD had had her fair share of comments herself.

As a mixed race person myself I really cannot get too worked up about two 5 year olds in a playground and I certainly wouldnt be calling the police as someone suggested up thread.

[Marylou62]

And sorry I must add that I was a 6ft gangly, glasses wearing, buck toothed 12 year old who had been bullied all my school life. Called racist names as I was very dark skinned too. (my 5x Grandmother was a native American Indian!!) It was awful and ruined my school years but it made me the person I am and I am OK now. My proudest achievement is that I have raised 3 wonderful DCs who were neither bullies or bullied. Sorry have derailed this thread a bit...you can probably guess that bullying of any kind gets my goat....

[Purpleroxy]

Knowing that the child comes from a family with a history of racism, it would probably have been better to explain things to her. Otherwise, write to her head teacher, presume you know which school and let them know she is making racist remarks - has she been in uniform whilst making them (obv not this time as holidays but before?) as that gives the school more reason to sort it.