Wedding/Proposal

[Gangie]

Hi Guys,

I need some help with a little dilemma Im facing. So as not to drip feed - the background is:

Together 6 years, 2 children (almost 4yrs & 18mths) Very happy, loved up and definitely committed. We share everything including all our money - our family is very much a 'one pot' when its comes to money and decision making is generally done together. I want to get married. He wants to get married, when we can afford it. I think he thinks I would need an engagement ring worth 2/3k. I would like it, but actually not that bothered as long as I like the ring.

We have been through some very lean times the last 3-4 years, we are in Ireland and he works in construction so his work has been sporadic. However things are picking up - and I am back at work now after being home with the babies for the past 3 years.

I dont want to have a huge wedding but I dont want it to be super tight budget either - not traditionally ceremony. 2 of my sisters are engaged and both are getting married in 2016. I want to get married next year before we consider another baby, also cant expect my family to be able to afford to go to 3 weddings in the one year, so the way I see it is we either get married next year or in 2017 which is too far away (Im 34 as it is...)

So the burning question - I have found a ring I LOVE! Its second hand, have seen receipt for 1,700 I can get it for €600. Its really unusual, a 3 piece set so it includes the wedding band, and to me it represents the past, present & future. My dilemma is whether to show him this ring or not? I dont want to emasculate him (please dont jump on the feminist bandwagon, we are definitely an equal couple in all other respects but I know that he would prefer to do the 'asking') but......a)he will never be able to save enough to buy a new ring without me knowing as we use joint account. b) I doubt he would propose to me without a ring, c) the time restraint means that in order to have a wedding this time next year we would want to be making plans now....

Also I have an idea in my head that if we did get engaged I wouldnt tell anyone straight away, I want to book the date & venue and send out invites, I think this is a quirky way to announce our engagement/wedding, after 2 children and 6 years together I dont think it will comes as any surprise to anyone, and its a bit different than engagement party then 'save the date' then invites ifswim.

So oh wise ones.......AIBU?

[hellsbellsmelons]

How exciting for you.
So glad you did it.
Enjoy the planning.
No idea how to upload a picture - sorry.

[Gangie]

How do I upload a pic????

[Trooperslane]

Op, I'm having an awful day (screaming baby, won't sleep and a very good friend's 40th, or rather it should be but she died 3 years ago ) and I'm knackered after 2 bad nights in a row.

But you have cheered me up NO END!

Congratulations. And feck the big wedding. We did ours for £8k in the North, including fancy dan honeymoon.

Everyone had a ball.

except the Dj was shite and I'm still not over it

I organised it in 14 weeks too.

It can be done.

[Floop]

Show us the ring!!

This has made me fill up. How lovely. Congratulations!

[MissMooMoo]

congratulations!

[ruth1104]

yay congratulations!

[Sapat]

Congratulations!

After 18 years and 2.5 kids we suddenly decided to get married last September. We didn't do it before because it seemed a faff and expensive, so once agreed we decided to keep things simple and sensible and just get on with it. We chose a date in February and organised the whole shebang in 3 months flat (whilst working full time and pregnant with 3rd). As it was a winter date everything was available and our chosen venue was half its summer price. And all our guests were available. Our initial budget was £6k (average wedding is £20k) but we spent £8k because we decided to spend more on food and have a proper sit down 3 course meal and also get a photographer. We did all the decorating ourselves, I bought 100 metres of white bunting, hundreds of fairy lights and tea lights, cut down costs by buying linen feel disposable napkins rather than fabric ones and shopping around etc. for eg the photographer was just for 2 hours and 100 digital photos. Unfortunately I did not get an engagement ring so I chose a big fat wedding band with a diamond. We did not go on honeymoon either.

How exciting, good luck!

[Softlysoftlycatchymonkey]

op congrats !! I could have written your post!

We've been together four years , a 14 month dd, and always speak of 'when we get married' ect... We would go abroad, just a small affair. Even if it's just us two.

I'm sick of waiting for him to ask! Plus I will know if he buys a ring as we have joint account.

I too think if I ask he will feel rushed. Wish I was as brave as you!

[Gangie]

Our flipping neighbour just called to get oh (fiancé?!!!) to fix her tv.... Bad timing! Waiting for him to come back so we can plan!!!!

[Gangie]

Yes I think I'm getting THAT ring!!

[CharlieSierra]

Congratulations! I love a happy ending.

[RandomMess]

Congratulations

Don't be afraid to have a bring a plate and bring a bottle in lieu of wedding gifts reception - honestly I'd far rather be asked to that it's about the celebration and having those you want there

[Leviticus]

But are you getting that ring? Congratulations!

[ecuse]

Congratulations, that's lovely

[Gangie]

Finney - il worry about that later! We will have to cut our cloth accordingly! Il make my own cake (made my best friends last year) second hand dress.....Not bothered about fancy cars - my friend will do the flowers, I'd say my parents will help a little too. Super excited!!! Thanks guys!!!

[Happy36]

I would say, tell him everything you just posted. See what he thinks. You sound like a very happy couple and family Congratulations.

[WaitMonkey]

Congratulations. Please update with lovely wedding plan's.

[Finney2]

Ah that's lovely. I hope you are not too shocked by how much weddings cost

Best of luck for the future

[Gangie]

They are toddlewaddle but only if you do the whole big Irish wedding thing and invite all the cousins. My sister spent 22k on her first wedding.....didn't last the year.

We will have a smallish civil ceremony on our 7th anniversary next August the 7th!!

[ruth1104]

I would discuss all the thoughts you've had about when and where to get married before bringing up the ring, see how he reacts. If he'd always assumed he'd do the asking (because that's basically what you're doing) it might be the straw that breaks his feeling of having a say! And surely the wedding matters more than the ring? (Btw if you're planning a small wedding I think it would be ok to get married the same year as your sisters IMHO)

[CMOTDibbler]

[Gangie]

Update.....

Iv a wedding to organise!!!!

[ToddleWaddle]

Oh agree just tell him about the ring. I'm sure he would be happy if you are.

[ToddleWaddle]

Can you really get married for 5000 Euro in Ireland?
Thought weddings were incredibly expensive there??

[indigo18]

And tell us what happens.... please!