to want dp to get a better paid job and i stay pt

[itispersonal]

Brief outline.

Been with Dp for 3 years have 1 dd who is 1yo. We are both early 30s. Dp has been in same job for 10 years which is a job I would class as a teenager job, sorry if that offends people and earns just over minimum wage. I work part time and earn almost as much as he does. I was also working part time when we met, had my own house and car whilst he rented and had no car.

Also my parents have been very very generous to me with giving me a large deposit for my current house which means my mortgage payments have been very small and so only needed to work part time (was also at uni as a mature student when bought the house) and have a degree where I can do supply work as and when I've needed / wanted to which pays well.

When I was pregnant offered Dp opportunity to be sahp and I work as I would earn more but he didnt want to do this.

However we are currently moving house as want more space, my parents are again giving us money to upscale and I am renting out my current house though renting it out cheap to Dp friend so don't have the hassle of agency fees, so not making a lot of profit on it.

I suppose I am now worrying about money, obviously we can afford to move and we will have a couple of hundred of pounds left each to buy stuff and treat ourselves. But we would struggle if had to replace car, boiler etc and would struggle to do that now. I think with the amount of money my parents have given me I feel we should be able to do nice holidays and not worry about things breaking and if dp got a slightly better job we would be able to do.

I feel if I went full time and Dp went part time in his we would still be tight financially. And if we both went full time my wages would be eaten into my nursery fees and my degree subject is in early years teaching and with the age our dd is I wouldn't want to be full time teaching other children when could/should be with my own.


I feel writing this I am very princessy which I am not and maybe even entitled and what a first world problem and I am fully aware people are in far worse situations and I see this with the part time work I do.

I am very careful with money and dont but myself expensive stuff but feel Dp needs to start being a bit more ambitious to provide more for the family, especially as he is wanting a second child soon too.

[LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett]

Your parents subsidise your lifestyle massively. Now you want your DH to change jobs to subsidise your lifestyle massively. If you want more money, go and earn it. If you want to reduce your mortgage, sell house #1 and put it into house #2. But be clear, your choice to work p/t is just as valid as DP's choice to work at an non-career type of job.

[GalaxyInMyPants]

You sound in a better position than most people with a small child. It gets better as they get older.

Less childcare fees, you might have had a promotion, etc as you talk about being more ambitious when our dc is older.

A lot of people struggle financially when their kids are little. We didnt have an abroad holiday for years when dd was little. She's 13yo and has had two abroad holidays. Its not killed us. I cut my clothes to my cloth or whatever the saying is.

So camping, the odd cheap weekend at centre parcs and we've just bought a caravan. We've had great holidays.

[redskybynight]

I think most people do aspire to give their DC a nice start. But equally most parents with young DC really struggle (we were in a much better financial position than you are, and still struggled to make ends meet when the DC were small).

Are you hankering after the lifestyle you had as a child? You do realise we are in a different world now, and what was possible when you were little is just not doable any more - house prices and living costs have just risen so much and salaries by hardly anything. When I was little my parents put 3 children through private school while my mum was a SAHM. These days someone in the equivalent my dad's job would just about manage to cover essential bills for a family of 5 and private school would be a pipe dream!

[LizLimone]

Neither you nor your DP are prioritizing finances at the moment. He is working in a low wage job and you are working 2 days a week, which is really just keeping your hand in career-wise. Your parents are supporting your family life through providing childcare and housing.

So accusing your DH of slacking off by not earning enough is a little 'pot calling the kettle black' really. Neither of you are being especially ambitious at the moment. Fine, you can afford it due to your parents' support but I don't know why your DH's lack of ambition is a problem and your own isn't? Is this attitude maybe coming from your parents who hoped you would marry a guy who could support and provide for you as they do while you remain a SAHM?

[Vivacia]

But surely it's normal for most parents to aspire to give children a nice start and not struggle. My parents did it for me and I want it for mine.

Of course, in fact I'd say 100% of families want this. But they don't all expect other people to provide it for them.

I will be ambitious once the children are of school age

Then that's when you can start aspiring to foreign holiday, isn't it? Right now your goal appears to have both parents around for as much of the time as possible while your child is very young.

I do also resent the fact he takes the car to work which means I have to car share with my parents.

But that sounds as though you resent him going out to work full time for the family?

[itispersonal]

As said before I am earning more with the 2 other avenues I have earning extra money, so we have days out.

If we didnt move and stayed where we was we we'd be the same situation I only save £90 of my normal wages per month. Which is currently for if go on maternity leave again as would want to have 9 months off and so if didnt save would have to go back after 3 months when my wages would drop.

Any other money I tried and save, so I am trying to earn more money but the other incomes arent fixed as its asand when.

My other point being if it was up to dp we would never achieve more as the children got older.

We wouldn't be able to afford or I justify spending what it does to go to centre parcsfor the weekend.

[Vivacia]

Is this attitude maybe coming from your parents who hoped you would marry a guy who could support and provide for you as they do while you remain a SAHM?

It does feel as though there's an outside influence somewhere making you feel unfulfilled.

[Vivacia]

But OP most people earn money, try to put some in savings, are unable to afford Center Parcs etc whilst not having one or two houses and only working part time!

[Vivacia]

My other point being if it was up to dp we would never achieve more as the children got older.

But you knew that he wasn't motivated by money when you started a relationship with him, when you moved in with him, when you chose to start a family with him... It's not as if he's refusing to work!

[IfNotNowThenWhen]

Yeah hellsbells, kick out your tenant that you are not ripping off and get "proper market rent". Nice.
I love how people think that when they rent out their old place they should be making pure profit on it.
My SIL was moaning recently that she has to replace and repair things in her properties, out of her own pocket, and pay tax, and as such only gets about half the rent in profit.
Oddly, when I ran a small shop, when 25% of my turnover was profit, I considered I was doing well, and that was damn hard work. Being a LL is a business and a long term investment, not free money for doing nothing. Making any profit on renting out your old house is a bonus, so please don't evict a perfectly good tenant and give your custom to estate agents. Don't be part of the problem.

That aside, I can see why you might want your partner to get a better job, but you knew what he did when you met him.
Also, I agree, that you have been propped up by others for so long you seem to think it is always someone else's job to do this for you. You want more money-go and earn it, don't expect everyone to share your ambitions.

[MaryWestmacott]

Re the rental property, can I ask you a question, why are you more interested in looking after your DP's friends than your own DD? Because why are you letting them have the house at below the market rental?

Get them to pay the full market rate, if they don't want it at that price, get a letting agent to find a different tenant. Maximise your income from it.

Does your DP earn less than the cost of a day's nursery? Would you be better off if he went part time? Does he enjoy his job or can he just not be arsed looking and he's gone from his mum looking after him, to you and your parents doing it?

Personally, I think you need to think about increasing your hours if you are the better earner.

You might wnt to be a SAHM with a good lifestyle, but you picked a bloke with no drive and a low income, in this life, you play the hand you've got, you picked him, this is the price of being with him.

He's not going to suddenly turn into Gorden Gekko, so deal with what you've got.

[Vivacia]

The OP's partner was a Young Carer from the age of 8 years old Mary if I remember correctly, I don't think he's exactly a sponger, I think he's learned that family is important.

[Chippednailvarnish]

You are completely out for yourself OP.

Car share, CentreParcs, two houses? Oh my heart bleeds.

Why should your DH put himself out when you so clearly won't either.

[hellsbellsmelons]

Eeekk... Flippin' 'eck!
I don't see why you wouldn't get proper market value.
You say Being a LL is a business and a long term investment
Yes it is. And it costs money too.
I was only writing regarding some of the horror stories on MN about people renting to others that they know and how it all goes wrong.
And we don't know if this 'friend of DP' is a perfectly good tenant
Crikey, I'm only trying to give a heads up based on expriences posted on this site!
Don't think I've ever been attacked on here before.
I try to give good advice.
Excuse me for trying.

[FlockOfTwats]

Wow. OP I think you need to read this back. You sound very selfish and entitled.

[MaryWestmacott]

OP - you need to get the proper market rent for this house, if you are worried about paying for repairs at your home, can you afford them at your rental property with the rent at that level? Putting it at the full market rate, keeping the difference between the mortgage payments and the rent in a separate account that you don't touch unless it's for rental house related repairs and voids would be much more 'business' minded.

You want your DP to move on from a job he is happy in to increase your family income and financial security, but you wont charge the going rate for your rental so you can be nice? Odd combination.

[greenfolder]

yabu to think you can change your dp. you have to accept people as they are. if he has said clearly that he isnt ambitious, then that is the man you have got.

you are lucky that your parents subsidise your living standard. be happy, enjoy what you have, give thanks.

and save tesco vouchers for days out.

[HerRoyalNotness]

Will this rental income from the house affect your tax credits as well? You might find you're worse off. If you're only wanting to move right now because of a thin party wall, can you spend some money insulating that? You'll have the same problem when your tenants move in, any ordinary noise annoying the neighbours who will in turn annoy your tenants, who may move out, leaving you with a rental void.

[DoJo]

MaryWestmacott That was exactly my concern as renting a property that isn't making much profit is potentially a huge drain on your finances which you say are already stretched. I think selling the house would be a better move than the one you have made, sorry. Renting to a friend, not making enough to cover repairs, maintenance, legal action, the mortgage in between tenants etc all ring huge alarm bells for me, and the fact that you are more concerned about foreign holidays makes me wonder whether you have considered the real costs associated with owning more than one property. I would make sure that side of things is taken care of before worrying about any more trivial expenses.

[Staryyeyedsurprise]

itispersonal
But surely it's normal for most parents to aspire to give children a nice start and not struggle. My parents did it for me and I want it for mine.

Well if you want that maybe you need to get yourself a full time, well paying job as your DP going from £13k to £16k isn't going to achieve that. Sorry to sound harsh - it's not intended but I think you need a bit of a reality check.

[BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted]

Charging below market-rent is madness! I sincerely hope you've investigated getting Consent-To-Let from your lender. This can result in an annual fee (1k or thereabouts) or an increase in interest-rate. You should also take note that CTL is not an open-ended arrangement. They could turn around and demand you convert to a proper Buy-To-Let mortgage which requires at least 25% equity as deposit and a higher interest-rate to compensate for the increased risk. That's not taking into account that it's only the interest part of the mortgage payment which can be offset against the rental-income for income-tax purposes. Or that the property will attract Capital Gains upon sale as it's no longer your primary residence.

Charge a proper market rent or sell it or you could end up not making a farthing from it.