AIBU to be concerned that 2yo DD is now on 81st centile for BMI.

[Fedupofplaystation]

81st centile is still in the range for 'healthy weight.' Apparently 84th and above is 'overweight'.

DD is 2 years 8 months and a few months ago was on 59th centile for BMI. This is based on me measuring her at home (she enjoys to 'play' with scales & have her height measured, she is not aware what the information means) and using this calculator: www.webmd.com/parenting/raising-fit-kids/weight/bmi/bmi-calculator

DH and I are naturally short (5ft9 & 5ft 3.5 respectively), so I would not expect DD to be naturally tall.

I'm very concerned about her becoming overweight. She is looked after by relatives for between 2.5 and 4 days per week depending on my working pattern and I know that they do not feed her particularly healthily. I try to compensate when she's at home with no treats etc.

Am I right to be worried about her BMI at this stage?

[manchestermummy]

I think the key here is to make the changes now while she still has that natural, energetic toddler-ness about her. Leave consideringit until she's at school and you may find that she is in the cycle of being larger and less able to move about happily iykwim and just gets larger. This was me and my parents did not react at all. I spotted my DD1 was heading the same way at around 3.5 (example: sauntering around the playground instead of bouncing, like small children tend to do). We made changes to her diet - it was portion sizes here - and got her as active as possible. Not necessarily organised stuff but lots of trips to the park, ditching the pushchair )had to actually as had DD2 by then!).

She's 6.9 now. Very tall and although not skinny-sinewy (she appears to take after my very athletic aunt build wise) you can see her ribs/shoulderblades and is incredibly fit. Does swimming (hated dance and gym so we didn't push that), plays football, can cycle for miles and miles. And she has a very healthy attitude to food.

As others have said, paid childcare would really help here. What do you plan to do when you get your 15free hours? We refused to let MIL look after our dds for long periods of time because she way she feeds them.

[GodDamnBatman]

Depends. Does she look chunky? Really at 2 she will outgrow her baby fat. But it's good to get her in good eating habits.

[taxi4ballet]

My memory of 70's food is that there weren't any fast-food takeaways, it was thought really bad manners to eat in the street, you got a little bag of sweets with your pocket money which had to last you all week, hardly anyone had snacks between meals and - believe it or not - dinner plates really were smaller in those days!

[Fedupofplaystation]

Definitely 70s attitude to food Drudge and thank you for your honesty about your situation. It reassures me that you were happy to make the changes.

Feekerry it's good to know I'm not the only person in this situation. I will be on mat leave come November for a year. There will be changes then!

[littlejohnnydory]

I'd start sending her a packed lunch and snacks, and stipulate no extras. Explain how serious it is, how much she loves them and how much you love all that they do with her, so you don't want to have to send her elsewhere. For me, this wouldn't be about weight - it would be about the implications for dd of this diet and attitude to food on her future health and lifelong relationship with food, I wouldn't compromise on that no matter how silly they thought I was being and no matter how great the care provided is otherwise.

My family think that wanting the dc to eat fruit and veg is some peculiar quirk of mine - they need constant nagging about it but they know it isn't negotiable.

[ExcuseTypos]

I think if you tell them she's on the verge of being overweight, so her diet needs to change, surely they will agree, without taking offence.

I'd ask them if they want you to provide all meals and snacks, or would they like to carry on feeding her- but they must give her things which are on your list.

[drudgetrudy]

70s attitude to food,- see thread on chat "children of 70s and 80s"
Ribena, Angel Delight, Findus frozen pancakes, chips from chip pan etc

[feekerry]

fedup i am in a similar ish situation too. dd is 2.3 and was spending 3/4 days split between my parents and in laws. whilst they don't intentionally feed her badly it ends up being lollies/ice cream/sweets/biscuits etc. they want to 'treat' her and can't say no to her. i have challenged but get a response of 'that's what gp are for'!!
like your situation in every other way they are amazing. extremely flexible and do loads with dd. they would be deeply, probably irrevocably offended if i put dd in paid childcare instead.
i have been on mat leave for few months now so.things improved but when i go back to work i am going to send her with a packed lunch and say hv advised this is what she is to eat. at her 2 yr check she was average for weight but there is no need for what they feed her.
it is had tho. i know exactly how you feel!

[drudgetrudy]

If I were the relative I would rather you told me straight rather than stopped me from looking after the child.
Confession-I'm a grandma and my daughter had to tell me quite firmly-only water to drink and to be firm about eating at least some of the veg and having fruit before yoghurt. I stuck to what she said and now they eat it happily.
I know their diet would be much less good if she hadn't been clear as I wouldn't have persevered.

[Fedupofplaystation]

Embarrassed to say, I'm not sure what a 70s attitude to food would be.

[drudgetrudy]

X Post. Do they have very 70s attitudes to food?

[Fedupofplaystation]

It would be difficult to get dietician input as we don't really see the health visitor. Not sure if we will again. Do they do another check after the two year one?

[Fedupofplaystation]

I think I'm going to have to talk to them about the fact that her BMI centile has increased to the higher end of normal and I'm worried.

I did ask them to stick to one 'treat' per day a while ago, but they struggle with what constitutes a 'treat.'

I may have to specifically say:

-no cupcakes
-no chocolate milk
-no extra strong mints
-no fig rolls
-no mini cheddars

I could provide some Ella's kitchen fromage frais and a main meal each day.

I fully anticipate this to be a difficult conversation with each relative with accusations that I don't think they care as much as I do, they've already brought up kids etc. I'm pregnant and emotional anyway.

[NothingMoreScaryThanAHairyMary]

I was going to suggest something along the lines of tintin get them to keep a food diary.

( the link with the dietician is an even better idea).

[Tinted]

Can you book an appointment with a dietician, ask your Health Visitor the best route, and ask them for meal and snack lists suitable for your dd, then strongly hint that your dd was "called into" the dietician because her weight is borderline obese and the dietician is concerned about her weight and general health blah blah need to avoid childhood obesity etc.

If you then produce the dietician's food and snack lists, (as long as you think they are okay!) then because it's from an 'official' source, the family may take much more notice of it and be a bit more compliant with what they are feeding dd, particularly if you ask them to keep food charts of absolutely every morsel she is given "for the dietician" to compile records over the coming months.

That way it removes any direct conflict of opinion on what constitutes a good diet between you and the other family members, plus they couldn't speak to the dietician direct to query anything as it would contradict patient confidentiality.

[Fedupofplaystation]

The main reason she is cared for by these relatives, rather than a care setting, is because of the excellent care (in every other way then diet) that they provide. They love her, do all sorts with her, from reading/baking/crafts to theme park trips/theatre trips/ trips to park/wood/to feed ducks, all off their own backs. DD adores them all.

The fact that they do not charge to look after her, although a bonus, is not the reason that we send her, although does make it difficult for us to address any worries that we do have. The food is the only concern, and I agree it's a big one and I worry about it constantly.

I think I'm going to have to come up with some meals that I can send with her to relative one's house that she can take out and about. DD will likely tantrum that it's not her usual Greggs meal which could cause problems as relative 1 may give in.

[crazykat]

I wouldn't be too worried. My dd1 was overweight according to the calculator at 2.5. From about then she started growing taller but staying the same weight. Now at 6.5 she's slim and very active.

I've found that my DCs tend to put weight on just before a growth spurt.

Your dd is the high end of normal so keep an eye on it but I wouldn't be too worried, some people just have a sticky build. Could you send her with packed lunch and snacks when she's being looked after?

[taxi4ballet]

As well as being low on fruit and veg and high in sugar and fat, what worries me about this diet is that it looks really high in salt.

[AnAirOfHope82]

Also children are natrually active so as soon as she starts school at 4yo get a cm, sign her up to dance and gymastics and swimming.

Fsm and registuared cm with pe and extra activities should put it right.

Also give her a water bottle to take and ask them to only give water or milk to drink to get her ready for school.

[Iggly]

It isn't a treat if it is every day they have her.

Can you switch to different childcare for one day. Week?

Being free is not a reason for your child's health to suffer.

[MaccaPaccaismyNemesis]

Could you send a packed lunch, and explain she is overweight and needs to have a more balanced diet. Blame the GP if necessary.

[AnAirOfHope82]

In the milkshake there is like 9 spoonfulls of sugar alone, even for adults its a big no no. I would say its ban and she cant have it and give a friut basket ti each relativer each week and a healthy snack box from graze.com and say the hv has concerns about her diet, teeth and weight.

[Fedupofplaystation]

I actually think it's a mixture of ignorance, convenience and wanting to treat her TeWiSavesTheDay.

Also, DD is a little fussy and it does take effort to make healthy things she'll eat. I make a lot of veg chilli/soup/cottage pie/omelette etc. which she'll eat, but occasionally requires persuasion.

Relative one takes her out all day and there is very little in the way of pack-up food that DD will eat so they get lunch from Greggs.

Relative two would fiercely defend that they don't feed her any 'rubbish.' They truly believe this. They would be greatly offended if I started providing all meals, although I can get away with sending the odd meal by saying it's leftovers.

Relative two is better at giving proper meals with veg for the main meal, they just give lots of added treats.

[queenofthemountain]

Relative 2 doesn't sound so bad, but pehaps you should think about sending a frozen/chilled meal and a packed lunch.Just save a portion of your meals for her to take to the relative.It would be quite a thoughtful thing to do anywy,because they are doing you a big favour without having to think about catering arrangements.

[TippiShagpile]

She doesn't need chocolate biscuits, crisps and sweets. No one does.

She'd be better off with a bit of cheese if she's genuinely hungry but I doubt she is.

You have to knock this on the head. Eating behaviours are established very early on and this doesn't look good at all. Sorry OP.