To be worried about challenging guests on their personal hygiene before I let them hold our precious second born?

[mameulah]

To cut a long (long!!!) story short...

When my practically estranged IL's turned up to meet our pfb she poked him all over the face in that 'coodgie coo' kind of way and then announced she wouldn't hold him because she had a cold sore. As you can imagine I was less than chuffed.

How best do I make sure that doesn't happen again without sounding and looking like a total cow? My DH's family is exceptionally dysfunctional selfish and whilst I don't like my IL's at all I don't want to further contribute to what is already a very odd and uncomfortable family set up.

Any ideas please...???

[DocDaneeka]

I too had a tiny preemie. We were warned by the hospital to follow a v strict hygiene routine for the first 3 months or so or end up back in NICU.

I threw a health visitor out for not washing her hands. And several other visitors.

And yes, I did wash my hands before and after every time I touched the baby. I got bloody dermatitis from all the washing and sterilisation we had to do. Worth it to get home from hospital though.

[mumminio]

It's so difficult, I totally empathise. Could you time their visit for a nap/feed so that the baby will be "otherwise engaged" and they sadly will only be able to look from a distance?

(then distract them with older child).

[Bowlersarm]

Tbf OP, you could have started a thread about any PIL problem, - anything at all - because you dont like them and whatever they do puts your back up.

You clearly don't like them, but it would be odd to make everyone wash and scrub up to meet your newborn.

Thankfully for me, despite having three DC I'm rubbish at newborns so my dils will think I'm perfect because I won't coochy coo or want to hold their precious babies. Look out for the thread 'my mil is so cold and nasty she doesn't want to hold pfb!' (Not quite yet 18 year old DS though)

[Nicknacky]

They can be but as long as the person with it takes care, doesn't kiss baby and washes their hands then it reduces any risk.

[Viviennemary]

I don't agree with too much overfussiness about hygiene for people holding newborns. Like spraying them with dettol or making them walk through one of those foot baths. But I would draw the line at cold sores. They can be quite nasty I believe if the baby gets this virus.

[mameulah]

Waterducksback

I won't be going back to work. And under no circumstances ever would I leave my children on their own with my il's. Thanks for the helpful advice.

[gordyslovesheep]

Tinkly I am well aware - I used to nanny a baby with severe eczema - I was careful and he's just turned 23

danger doesn't mean you have to by hysterical - lots of things are dangerous to babies which is why we take sensible steps to protect them - please educate yourself :)

[Nicknacky]

Cold sores are not "gross". Yes, they are unsightly but not a reflection on a persons hygiene.

I'm well aware of the horrible consequences, my dd was at adoc on Christmas Day because I feared she had one.

But with a husband and six year old who both suffer my only other option was to chuck them both out, which seemed extreme.

[gordyslovesheep]

god help my children then as I HAVE cold sores and had babies - why it's a wonder the midwives let me hold them after birth let alone take them home

OP ask everyone to wash their hands - job done

I agree this is about much more than cold sores

[TinklyLittleLaugh]

Are some posters on here not aware that babies can die from the cold sore virus? Please educate yourselves.

[bubalou]

I had a massive bottle of anti bacterial hand gel in my living room when DS was born and I made everybody use it before they held DS.

They all understood and nobody even questioned it.

[FriendlyAmoeba]

Oh, also. All that hand washing we kept enforcing with DD...

Yeah.

Her first virus/hospital visit was something DH brought home from work.

It's a futile effort to try and keep them away from germs. It won't happen.

[FriendlyAmoeba]

I just tell people before they get within arms reach to go wash their hands and I'll let them hold baby. :) It works, and no one's offended about the stipulation.

Of course now that she's older I'm less worried. She's putting more crap in her mouth that she's getting from touch the floor then sucking on her hands than most people have on their hands.

Honestly though, you're not going to get the herpes virus unless they're kissing your baby while they have an open sore.

[Tadla]

oh for goodness sake. she's being a bit over the top but cold sores are gross and people should have the manners to be aware that whilst common, they are unpleasant.

[waterducksback]

Yep, treat your IL's like dirt and don't let them hold your newborn baby.

Then, in a couple of years time, when you have to work full time, be completely two-faced and expect them to put their lives on hold whilST they act like fulltime unpaid babysitters to your child.

(I am so not looking forward to being a grandparent, especially a MIL grandparent)

And, Yes, I think YabU.

[notfromstepford]

Mine was a preemie and a teeny tiny little thing, so it was perfectly reasonable of me to make sure people washed their hands and if they had any sort of illness, they were not allowed in for the first 3 months or so.
I still occasionally tell my MIL to wash her hands even now (because she has a habit of handling raw chicken / pork or cleaning up dog poo and then not washing her hands.)

[PhaedraIsMyName]

I'm curious those of you who make everyone wash their hands before they can touch your baby do you wash your own hands every time before you pick your baby up.

I have never come across anyone keeping bottles of hand sanitizer handy for this purpose.

[Idontseeanyicegiants]

If they're that bad and you would prefer to get it in the neck rather than DH then I think you're just going to have to be straight with them and hand over the anti bac gel before the baby.
Could it actually make things any worse if you do that?

[littlemonkey2013]

Cold sore aside, we have a big pump action bottle of anti-bac hand gel on the coffee table and a small one in the change bag. Everyone got a squirt if they wanted to touch PFB. We even took it with us when we went to stay with the IL's at 2months and still made them use it. It was so much easier than sending them off to wash their hands.

[Littlef00t]

I'd just have a bottle of alcohol hand wash and politely say 'sorry I'm being a bit precious but if you'd like to hold the baby I'd appreciate it if you'd wash your hands first'.

My dd got a cold at 10 days old, she didn't know how to cough or sneeze and just cried. I blame myself for not being more precious and allowing her to be cuddled by all and sundry.

[ithoughtofitfirst]

I feel for you op my ILs are a nightmare and Icm not even speaking to them. When this baby comes I don't know how it's going to work. Currently 28 weeks and already shitting myself about the thought of seeing them.

[ithoughtofitfirst]

My brother's boyfriend dropped my pfb.

I just called him a twat and then cuddles with him were banned.

[mameulah]

I am not asking for a debate about whether newborns should be exposed to cold sores or not. I absolutely don't think you should go out of your way to expose a newborn to any kind of unnecessary virus. As a post natal Mummy and newborn baby you both have enough going on without adding more to the pot.

I couldn't possibly go into the dysfunctional behaviour of my IL's. Really it is not my place to say. But it wouldn't take up another thread. It would take up a whole webpage and I KNOW that none of you would disagree with me. They are odd.

My DH could, has and does say something. I would rather he didn't though. His relationship with them is strained enough. I think it is better for him if I am the big bad wolf.

And as for other guests, I didn't ask anyone else to wash their hands, or shower them down or disinfect them. But equally those people are friends or family that I have a happy and mutual relationship with. I have no choice in who my IL's are and I guess what I am asking is how to handle a sensitive situation when I duty bound to let people I don't like and wouldn't, under any other set of circumstances, have anything to do with hold my baby. Either baby. But in particular the newborn one.

[hairylittlegoblin]

This is about more than cold sores isn't it? You feel thatyour In laws are horrible people who pose a threat to your children and don't want them in your home with your DCs. Chuck hormones into that mix and it gets really stressful.

I would get some hand gel and insist that they use it before holding the baby. You can claim it was recommended by a medical professional of your choice. Or that 'germs grow so quickly in the hot weather' (unless either of them is a microbiologist). Aa others have said you can blame the baby hormones.

A friend pf mine once threatened to punch someone in the face who was handling her baby in a way she wasn't happy with. The protective mother bear thing can cause a hint of crazy.

[ditavonteesed]

anyone with a coldsore does not come near your precious baby, I would check by phone. I work in maternity and we are not allowed to work with an active coldsore.