To think this head teacher has no idea about children

[reallyshakenup]

My dd goes to a nursery attached to a school. She along with all the other children at this nursery are starting school in September. Last month we got letters telling us which class our children would be in (there are two classes in reception). I assumed all the nursery children would be put in one class together. This is what has happened in the past and it's worked well.

However, the new head teacher has decided it would be a good idea to put 17 out of the 20 nursery children into class x and 3 including my dd into class y. The remaining numbers will be made up from children coming into the school who never attended the nursery.

I am furious. My dd has been separated from all her friends and put into a class where effectively she knows no other children. We have had 2 meet the teacher sessions and she doesn't understand why all her friends go off into a classroom and she is in a class with children she doesn't know. She's been really upset by it all. She is only just 4 and has really bonded with about 5 other little girls from her nursery and now they are all together and she is on her own.

I spoke to the family liaison officer at the school about this and she said the head teacher made the decision to do this and she didn't understand the reasoning behind it. She made lots of sympathetic noises but said my dd cannot be put into the other class. She said she had gone into the classroom settling in session to check on my dd and found her upset saying she wanted to be with her friends.

I have asked to meet the head teacher to discuss the rationale behind her decision to put 17 out of 20 nursery children into one class rather than a more even split (if splitting the nursery children up is her aim) but she refuses to discuss it with me, has ignored my emails and won't let the office staff put my telephone calls through to her.

I am sure dd will make new friends but AIBU to wonder why the head teacher has done this? All I can think of is that she wants to split the children up but what's wrong with little children starting school stay with some of their friends?

[merrymouse]

The Head teacher knows far more than you do about young children starting school

And therefore is presumably in a position to explain her actions to the OP.

If I were the OP I wouldn't be storming into the head's office demanding a change, but I do think she deserves an explanation, particularly if the feedback from the settling in day was that the OP's daughter was upset.

"I understand your feelings, I have no idea what is going on, but the head knows best" is not a satisfactory way to deal with the situation.

"We understand your feelings, but taking into account the birthdays and gender mix of the new class this is the best option. We will be looking out for your daughter in September and helping her to form friendships with the children in her class" would (I hope) reassure the OP that they know what they are doing.

[GoblinLittleOwl]

Your child hasn't started school yet and already you are complaining. This is is one of the many reasons why teachers are so utterly fed up. The Head teacher knows far more than you do about young children starting school; for heaven's sake let her get on with her job. Calling in the Family liaison officer. Really!

[merrymouse]

YANBU at all.

I think your daughter will be absolutely fine in her new class and it is more likely than not that the split has been made for some sensible reason.

However, it seems odd, and it doesn't seem fair to your daughter. The least your HT could do is give you 5 minutes to explain her perfectly sensible reason.

'That parent' is doing their best to parent their child. I can understand that teachers are often short of time. However, if the system doesn't allow them the time to talk to 'that parent' the problem is the system, not 'that parent'.

[EvilTwins]

YABVU to assert that the headteacher "knows nothing about children" The groupings will have been done carefully and for valid reasons. Not splitting 4 yr olds from their friends is not a valid reason IMO. She will be fine.

TBH, I don't blame the HT for not wanting to speak to you about it. It sounds like you've already been told that the classes won't be changed so what do you hope to achieve by having a meeting? In the grand scheme of things this is an incredibly minor issue.

[Gileswithachainsaw]

Yabu

Loads of kids go to school not knowing anyone. I'd personally have split it more.

Gives your dd a chance to meet lots of new friends.

It's adjacent class rooms not north a d south poles

They will mix in class, in the loos, at break, at lunch, pe, school trips. In the cloak room.

Don't know whY you are so worried they Will see eachother constantly

[SantanaLopez]

Seems a bit of a mountain over a molehill tbh.

[mommy2ash]

You will look back on this in a few years and laugh trust me

[FatalCabbage]

Caring about your child isn't "being That Parent". Going straight to the HT about every issue your child ever faces, on the other hand...

Look, this might be the only thing you ever feel this strongly about, in which case hurrah! But it's more likely that there will be a few things that heat you up. You have to pick your battles a bit. Your daughter won't actually be harmed by this - particularly if you pitch it to her positively as "yay you're with Sally and Molly, and wow what a lot of new friends to meet!" Read all the positive stories on this thread to s that it isn't worth getting upset about, even if it could have been handled differently.

At this point you have no way of knowing why the allocation has been made as it has - and neither, btw, have the nursery staff who are too sensible to get involved. Go in, if you are going in, curious, not furious.

And keep your tinder dry for your child being the only one left out of Sports Day, or not being allowed to wear her sunhat on a bright day.

[Littlefish]

Yy to fedup

[ginnybag]

My DD's school has deliberately split up the 'really close' friendships from the preschool class, and have said so quite openly. Their argument is that it means the 'outside' children aren't walking into a group that's all tight knit bonds already and so that some of the more intense friendships will cool off before the children become properly dependent on one another.

DD is one of those affected - she's been split from a little girl she's been friends with since the middle of September. Tbh, I'm glad for it because already the relationship was verging on the point of an unhealthy level of 'but xxxxx say/does' as the only thing that matters, even against the teacher's instructions and neither would play with anyone else. It was becoming restrictive and problematic, because they're too young to really manage a relationship like that.

That said, the head should be prepared to explain, or at least to acknowledge you. It takes ten seconds to send 'thank you for your enquiry... it's mad at the moment but I will get back to you'.

[fedupbutfine]

To think this head teacher has no idea about children

is this how you have approached it?

Headteachers aren't usually people who have 'no idea about children'. They don't usually get as far as headteacher without having some idea...!

Headteachers are busy people. Like doctors, they hide behind their office staff. Have you actually asked for an appointment? I can't imagine many headteachers making time to speak with a parent who is suggesting that they have 'no idea' about their job, can you?

There will be some kind of logic behind the way the classes have been set up. The suggestion that it would be fair to have a 10/10 split may simply not be possible depending on the sex of everyone starting the school in September.

There is a huge difference between being a parent who cares and a parent who assumes the professionals know nothing at all.....you don't want to be that parent.

[wannaBe]

tbh while this might seem like the end of the world atm, reality is that friendship groups are fluid at this age anyway, so there's every chance that the friends she has now won't be by the end of the first term even if they're all in the same class.

I remember when my ds started reception (he has just finished y6 today ) they did actually start with their preschool group, and one of the mums was having a conversation with me along the lines of "oh, dd and x will be bestest friends for ever, they're so close I can't see that ever changing." Within about three weeks they had fallen out and although they did remain friends to a degree, they both developed friendships independent of each other and they faught more than they were friends.

I agree that the head appearing uncommunicative seems negative, but there could be a number of reasons for this. It's end of term, so he has leavers to deal with /sats results coming in etc which will be taking up a lot of his time, plus if you have gone in all guns blazing expressing how furious you are you are not going to endear yourself to him.

And in truth he doesn't actually owe you an explanation on this one. And even if he were to explain the reasons behind the decision he is not obliged to change it anyway.

But ime it's not actually the head who cdoes class allocations but the reception teachers who will have been into the preschools and who will have been given the children's records by the preschools. The head will have very little to do with the alctual allocation...

[CombineBananaFister]

It does seem an odd split even taking into account abilities/friendships etc, you would expect it to be a little more even just so the teacher didn't have x17 little ones who don't know where anything is/aren't used to the place.

Having said that, there are a lot of schools that don't have nurserys attached so to be positive, she knows two more kids than normal and is already familiar with the environment which is a head start

Ours got split about 12 into one reception and 8 into the other. Felt a little sad for Ds because he wasn't with some of his closer friends so an evener split doesn't guarantee it's easier. But they're 4, they'll be fine.

[Tinpin]

This is exactly what happened to my daughter. Ten children from her nursery including her 5 best friends in one class and she and one other girl in the other. I couldn't get my head around it but the school wouldn't do anything about it. 17 years on I still wonder at it. However she made a really good friend who came from another nursery and they are still friends today. I expect your daughter will be fine but I totally understand your heart ache.

[WelshMaenad]

YABU. She's four. She'll live. My dd started reception knowing not a single child as she didn't attend the nursery class, and within a week she had a host of new friends.

[5Foot5]

but she refuses to discuss it with me, has ignored my emails and won't let the office staff put my telephone calls through to her.

Do you know this for a fact? Has she actually said "I refuse to discuss this with you" and have the office staff told you that the HT has told them not to put your calls through?

If so I would be very concerned about this HT and wondering why I was already being singled out for such a dismissive approach.

However, if it is just the case that you haven't managed to get a response from her yet then perhaps she is just very busy.

[BackforGood]

Oh, I should have said YABU.
Of course the HT knows about children. It's probably individual things she knows about all the children - that of course you don't - that have fed in to this decision.

[BackforGood]

Logically, from here, not knowing anything about any of the children which the school may be privy to, then it seems strange it's not a bit more even, but furious is completely OTT.
It's your job to be making your dd excited about the chance to make lots of lovely new friends, whilst reassuring her that she will still see her friends when she plays outside. (Not knowing the layout and practice of the school, quite possibly during the 'lesson time' as well).
You are completely over-reacting. Loads of children start Reception not knowing anyone.

[queenofthemountain]

I think it is because it would be daunting to the new children to be put into a class where there are already friendship groups, so they have put them all in the same class. and then taken another 3 to equalise the numbers.
At that age she will be fine.The new starters won't know anyone either.Maybe they think your DD is a good mixer

[Salmotrutta]

It could be that the Head has had multiple parents (from nursery and feeder primary schools) requesting various class splits/combinations and he/she has wrestled it this way and that and come up with a compromise?

Still not good communication though.

[Salmotrutta]

The split thing may a bit unfair on the face of it but I'd say this is your opportunity to speak to your child about how she will see her friends at break/make lots of new friends/ enjoy meeting new people etc.

The Head refusing to speak to you is the thing I'd be angry about as that is pretty crappy PR.

[rowna]

Our school paid no attention at all to existing friendships when they decided on the class split at the start of reception. They do adapt quite quickly. It's something we have to get used to at our school - they mix the classes up every year.

On the whole I have come round to thinking it's good as it forces them to learn to make new friends, rather than just sticking with one or two all the way through school.

[HappyAgainOneDay]

Could the division of nursery intake be something to do with the children who did not attend the nursery at that school?

[BloominNora]

It sounds unfair, but to be honest, I would let the split thing go, and explain to your daughter that she will make new friends and see her old friends at break time etc.

However on saying that, I would be absolutely furious that the head teacher has refused to speak to you about it and I wouldn't let that go.

I would therefore write again to the head and state that you wish to have a conversation with her about it so that you can understand the rationale, that you are not happy that she has not responded to your multiple attempts to meet and that if she does not arrange to have a face to face discussion with you about it by COP Tuesday of next week, you will be raising the issue of her lack of communication formally through the Board of Governors.

Be clear that it is now her lack of communication that is annoying you rather than the class split and it is that which you will be taking to the governors.

She is clearly hoping that if she dodges a meeting with you before the end of term, the issue will have gone away by the time the schools go back in September.