Hotels and kids, what do you do at night?

[shrunkenhead]

Bit of a long story, so I'll cut to the chase, do parents really leave kids asleep in hotel rooms while they go for drinks/meal downstairs? Thought all this stopped after the Madeleine abduction. Reason I ask is friend works in a hotel and asked why a baby monitor was by parents' bed when they were in same room and it was explained to her that parents take other monitor with them. Does this happen a lot? Is this deemed acceptable today?

[redexpat]

Would do it in a b and b because often you can see the stairs from the lounge. Weve done it on an overnight ferry - there was a seating area at the end of the hallway and we checked every 15 minutes as the monitor didnt work. Otherwise ive used my parents babysitting for a wedding and paid for their room. This summer we are self catering but part of the hotel complex, it has listening and babysitting, and we will be with my parents and sisrer, so should get a few evenings out. i would have left ds pre madeleine as it is considered low risk behaviour, but as someone posted on mn the risk was low but the stakes were high.

[AliMonkey]

Looks like I'm almost alone in this (or others are keeping quiet for fear of being judged) but yes, we do it. If we stay in a hotel we occasionally use the baby listening service and eat as a couple in the hotel restaurant. Only once outside the UK, but in several places in the UK. My parents did it when we were kids, so maybe that's why I think it's OK. I do understand people's concerns - DH did need a bit of persuading the first time we did it - but on balance we choose to do it occasionally.

Most evenings, we do eat with the kids, but it means eating early (or having grumpy kids) and then creeping round so as not to wake them for the rest of the evening. As they get older, we do it less as they are more capable of staying up later. But it's nice to have an alternative.

For those suggesting "but what if they get sick?", it's not much different to being at home. If they are ill but not making a noise then we could easily not notice for a couple of hours at home - we don't go and check on them every 10 minutes. If they are crying /or coughing or generally making a noise then the baby listening person will hear and call for us.

It probably helps that our kids (9 and 7) have between them only ever got out of bed during the evening (once settled) about half a dozen times in their whole lives. If there's a problem they call for us (which can be annoying when they could get themselves a tissue / teddy / pair of socks, but is reassuring when in a hotel).

Yes, of course there is a small risk of abduction. And the Madeleine abduction did make us stop and think. We ask for a non-ground floor room which reduces the risk, and as a PP pointed out, is someone really likely to try round all the rooms in the hope of finding a child left alone? And quite frankly it could happen elsewhere if I had a momentary lapse of concentration eg in the park or the shops, but doesn't stop us doing that. Or someone could break into our house.

Those who are saying "but aren't holidays about being with the kids" well yes they are, and they are the only time that we spend more than a weekend as a whole family. But on a two week holiday, having maybe three meals of two hours max as a couple doesn't seem excessive.

Yes, we could self cater and often do - but as the main cook / cleaner / organiser at home, a few days in a hotel is more relaxing for me.

[TheABC]

We prefer camping for this reason. Baby snuggled in the tent pod, we sit in the awning with drinks and games. We have put him to sleep in a hotel room before (MIL 60th party), but we arranged a relay sitting team with friends and family, plus a two-way baby monitor for the panicked "he's hungry". Probably overkill, but everyone got to enjoy themselves and we did not have a grumpy baby the next morning.

[Downamongtherednecks]

alimonkey I'm happy to join you on the bench marked for neglectful relaxed parents. You are so right that you don't have to spend every waking moment with the dc on a family holiday.

[Passmethecrisps]

We had a family event recently where we considered using a monitor but the hotel insurance wouldn't allow it - quite rightly as it was a rabbit warren. If it was a very small boutique hotel then I might consider it as it is not different to a house.

In the event we used a baby sitter recommended by the hotel and she was grand

[Passmethecrisps]

And my dd is not the type to sleep in the buggy or on chairs next to us so it was a big issue.

The babysitter was expensive - £40 for her for the evening then £30 for the agency roughly. It had to be a big event

[JohnCusacksWife]

Never done it, never would. Either pre or post Madeleine McCann. Not so much from fear of abduction, but what if there was a fire etc. this is why we always self cater. Much easier, and enjoyable, all round!

[shrunkenhead]

Thanks for all the responses, think the overall response proves I was right in being shocked and that this is an odd thing to do, and one that most families don't do. Was concerned it was just me being a bit pfb!

[JustDontWantToSay]

Oh dear. I'm in the minority. But yes, we do it, have always done it.
We always choose a hotel where there is a restaurant so we can put the DC down (tbh this is far more of a 'we did' because they're older now). We'd simply put them to bed, go down, check on them ten mins later, if they weren't asleep we'd come back ten mins after that and once they were asleep we would check on them every 30/45mins.
But my DC have always been excellent sleepers, an earthquake wouldn't wake them type thing.
I would even go so far as to say that I might consider doing what MM's parents did - what I cannot understand for the life of me is why they left the door unlocked/windows open. That would simply not happen for me.

[expatinscotland]

We keep them up with is now but when they were younger we did self-catering or, if spending two or more nights, alternated one parent staying in the loo and the other going out of a night.

[KenAdams]

After all the publicity about the case, do people still not know her surname was McCann not McGann

[EverythingCounts]

jeanmiguelfangio I've used a professional babysitter for wedding situations like this - came back and put DC to bed, with sitter there so they had been introduced and wouldn't just potentially wake up to strange person, then went back to the do. Worked very well. atos it's not anything like leaving them alone - they are being looked after by a trained and checked person who's actually in the room with them.

Generally, though, we only do 1-nighters in hotels when on the way to a longer trip (where we self-cater) or when visiting people. DH and I take it turns to go down to the bar for an hour, the other person sits in the room and reads on the kindle / watches something on laptop or MNs if it's me

[vvviola]

We used to do a lot of hotel trips with DD1 (not so much now because of DD2 and because here in NZ motel rooms - with sitting room - are a lot cheaper than hotels)

We had it down to a fine art

We always booked interconnecting room. Some great chains did a discount on the 2nd room which was brilliant.

Late-ish (for DD, so about 6:30) dinner. No dessert for us, ice cream for her. Back to hotel.

DD settled into her bed. Interconnecting door wedged open (usually with one of DH's shoes). We order dessert and sometimes wine from room service and watch a movie or play scrabble because we are big nerds

Has worked really well for us so far.

[EleanorAbernathy]

My parents left me alone in hotel rooms in the early 80's.

I still remember it now - I could always hear screaming and shouting from outside the hotel, which looking back now was just drunk people - but my 5 year old mind thought that it meant the hotel was on fire and that was why people were screaming, and I spent every night until my mum got back to the room lying in bed trembling, scared to death with my eyes wide open convinced that everyone had forgotten me and I was about to burn to death.

I don't have children myself, but if I did I would never leave them in a hotel room, not because of Madeleine McCann but because of my own experience.

[OorWullie]

I'm a single mum, I have been on holiday alone with DS before and I either keep him up a bit later if I want to be out, or I'd stay in with him.

I've never used a hotel and always go self catering so it's not like I'm shut in a room with him, but even if I was
I wouldn't take the risk.

My main concern would be him getting up and becoming scared that I'm not there, him wondering about and hurting himself or choking or something whilst I'm not able to listen out or see him.

[Cavort]

I couldn't work this out either, so we went to Dubai on holiday and kept DD on UK time so her normal 8pm bedtime became 11pm local time and we all went to bed together. We are going to Italy next though so that won't work and I suspect she'll either be starting her nights sleep in the pushchair, or we will be putting her to bed and staying in (large self catering apartment). There is absolutely no way I would leave her.

[solosolong]

Looks like I'm in the minority too. DC are excellent sleepers, always left a monitor and made sure room was secure, didn't leave until they were asleep (or happily reading when older), and took it in turns to go back and check every 30 mins. As soon as they were old enough they always knew exactly where we were and what to do if they woke up and needed anything. I find the whole 'worrying about abduction post Madeleine McCann' thing completely illogical - if children were abducted from hotels all the time, do you really think she would still be getting so much coverage?! Was always close enough to get back to the room in the event of fire. If DC had been worried about it I wouldn't have left them, but it has never been an issue at all.
I suppose everyone is different and everyone has to make their own choices depending on what they feel happy with. I don't think it is a question of being 'acceptable' or not though.

[greeneggsandjam]

I had the same experience as EleanorAbernathy. Being left in a hotel room in a noisy area with lots of noise and bright lights with parents downstairs. I forget my age but under 7 with a younger sister. I certainly got no sleep and was absolutely terrified about the hotel going on fire and so on. Horrible.

[SquigglySquid]

I wouldn't do it with kids below a certain age. But my parents left us alone in a room for a bit as kids and we were told to just not answer the door. But there were 4 of us, so really the biggest risk was us getting rambunctious and waking the entire floor.

[FeministStar]

I take my kindle and iPad and read.

[Morloth]

We never have and had kids before MM.

We either go self catering and eat in the apartment/villa or the kids come out with us and just stay up late.

Have never really felt the need to put them to bed and then go out when on holiday.

Fire would be my main worry, much more likely than abduction.

I don't come from a completely 'western' culture though and kids just stay at parties/dinner late and catch up on sleep later.

[MaryWestmacott]

Oh, meant to say earlier, the free evening childcare at mark warner holidays isn't in your room, they have an evening crèche run by the holiday club staff (so your dcs have been with them in the day), put a film on at 7, although some buggies are parked up in a darker corner with sleeping babies, then they have lots of camp beds for them to settle down in, you have to say where in the resort you'll be and if your dc don't settle, they get the staff to come get you. Dc1 would happily watch the film, but then not want to sleep there, so we'd get until about 9 before a waiter would tell us we had to go get him. I believe they are the company the McGanns went with so they had to do something.

Friends who've been with nelsons said they had similar evening service, but that it's not free.

[MaryWestmacott]

Actually, when the costa cordina sank, I was having a conversation with a colleague who'd said that it crashed during dinner, but that a lot of parents had been criticised as there was an evening crèche, but the restaurant was one end of the boat, the crèche at the other. Most parents ignored the instruction to go straight to the nearest lifeboat and ran to the crèche instead - he was saying that of course the crèche staff would take the children to the life boats. I said I'd have done the same and run to get my dcs and most parents I know would also have run straight to the crèche/evening kids club. (Well, I'd send DH to run, I'd have tottered someway behind in my heels...)

[AtSea1979]

If staying in UK I either go self catering or find a tiny family b&b where I can sit in lounge a few feet from bedroom door/stairs.
When abroad I stay with DC always. Night and day never out my sight.

[RufusTheReindeer]

Wouldn't leave them while on holiday, they have never been in a crèche or left in a holiday club

However when they were 8, 5 and 3 (2007) we did leave them in a hotel room for about 3 hours

It was my dad's wedding, we put them to bed at about 9 pm and DH was back in the room by 12. Hotel listening service and 4 of us took it in turn to check inside the room every 15 minutes, and it was absolutely 15 mins probably less as when one adult came into the party room the other would generally leave and it was a small hotel

My brother was a bit and we weren't happy but it was a one off.