Hotels and kids, what do you do at night?

[shrunkenhead]

Bit of a long story, so I'll cut to the chase, do parents really leave kids asleep in hotel rooms while they go for drinks/meal downstairs? Thought all this stopped after the Madeleine abduction. Reason I ask is friend works in a hotel and asked why a baby monitor was by parents' bed when they were in same room and it was explained to her that parents take other monitor with them. Does this happen a lot? Is this deemed acceptable today?

No. We never did. Never knew anybody that did either. Why on earth would anyone do that?
Some complete idiot came on a similar thread about a year ago and said it was the norm late 90's early 2000's (my youngest born 95). It so was not, even in those days neglect wasn't 'the norm'.

I've done the baby monitor thing twice, but both cases, it was staying in a small B&B style hotel, and knew all the other guests (for weddings), so more like being downstairs in a house. i didn't feel comfortable in either case and it was more a quick bite to eat and back up again for one of DH or I.

Other hotels for weddings, I've paid for nannies/babysitters in the room, and most large hotels have a list if you ask.

For overseas holidays, I've tried to keep the DCs on British time, so eating around 6-7pm, which is 5-6pm UK time, let them stay up a little late then drinks on the balacony for me and DH, although the holiday we've just come back from, we paid for a suite so DH could have a room with lights on and watch films on his laptop while the DCs slept in the other room.

Previously, we've gone with Mark Warner, who do a 'toddler tea' at 5pm, then from 7pm - 10pm have free childcare.

The 'sleep in the buggy' thing was find until DC1 was 18months, but after that, he wouldn't do it anymore.

We think next year it'll be a self catering cottage/villa. Far easier.

I thin calling it neglect is over egging it somewhat.

Its all about risk perception. Some people feel that its safe if they are in the same building, others (the McGanns and their friends being a good example) feel its safe as long as they are in the same resort. And many people feel that being in the same room/apartment is the only safe way. I happen to be in the latter category and although I would disagree and disapprove of anyone who did leave them, I wouldnt say they were neglectful.

Did this frequently with DD1 ( pre Madeleine), UK and abroad. TBH abduction never even crossed my mind, I was more worried about staff entering room to turn down bed and waking her. Always used a monitor, DD was a great sleeper. Used listening service or babysitter a few times. Only stopped when DD2 came along and would not settle in a hotel room.
Post Madeleine I think it would be difficult to do unless hotel room very close to restaurant ( like at home). Illogical but so many parenting decisions are

We do not eat especially early, then go to the bar afterwards with the children. One memorable night when there was a great jazz band playing, we put chairs together and the DC slept until it finished. Our children are fairly flexible, they are 8 and 5 now. Although got a new baby to add into the mix.

We did do the baby monitor thing a couple of times when at weddings and all guests at hotel were wedding guests. This was just before Madeleine Went missing, we would never do it again, and I am often horrified at what we did now.

Have stayed in hotels with baby listening service or room with a balcony and read drink on

yes, we always left them in a locked hotel room, while we went downstairs to dinner/bar. When they were little, we did the baby monitor thing, and asked for a room which was near enough for the signal to work. Now they are older, I give them a mobile phone, and we have "secret knock". Why go to a nice hotel if you are going to sit in silence watching TV, which I wouldn't even do at home? It's hardly statistically likely that a child abductor is going to break into multiple rooms (attracting no attention) in the hope of finding children, and then manage to get said children out of the building, kicking and screaming, without being challenged.

oh and lots of people must still do this, last year we stayed somewhere that still had "baby listening service" as an option (basically, you call reception, leave the phone on speaker, they leave the phone on speaker in the office, if they hear your baby wake or any noise in the room, they pop into the restaurant or the bar to tell you).

I think pre Madeleine McGann a lot of people did this, I hadn't had DCs by then but the conversations in the office kitchen seemed to be that it was wrong because they weren't in the same building, whereas using a monitor or a listening service within the same hotel was considered fine by most of the colleagues I worked with (most of whom were very rich and could afford to pay for sitters, it's just not something most people thought to do unless they were leaving the hotel completely).

My parents didn't do it, but we only had selfcatering holidays as a child. Most friends seem to have been left in rooms.

Yes now they are 8 and older I wouldn't hesitate to leave them with a movie and a mobile. Sadly they seem also to like fine dining

My biggest fear when I did use the listening service/a baby monitor, wasn't really that someone would sneak in and take DCs, but that there would be a fire alarm and I wouldn't be allowed back to the room to get them, I've been in several hotels where we've been evacuated (usually people smoking in non-smoking areas setting off detectors), so it worried me that would happen when I was away from DCs.

When my DC's were little a night in a hotel would be an opportunity to catch up on sleep, all going to bed at 7.30pm!
Hotels and kids can be a PITA for this reason.

When Maddie first went missing I remember a thread (don't think it was Mumsnet, possibly BBC parenting boards) where people seemed to think it was the norm for parents to do the baby monitor thing.

I suppose in smaller hotels, guesthouses and B&Bs it's not too dissimilar to doing it in your own home, but I really wouldn't feel comfortable myself doing it in a large hotel. Not for abduction reasons either, but fire possibilities and other such stuff. I would spend the entire time too worried to be able to relax anyway.

I am a lone parent who has done lots of travel with my dd, just us or with family. She has always just stayed up a bit later than usual - would never leave her.

I would not be worried about abduction - just her being upset if woke up, and also I wouldn't be able to relax.

Self catering apartment here. I wouldn't leave mine 3 and 5 by themselves in a room. Not because of abduction just cos I'd worry i would not hear them through a monitor and they wake up and find us not there.

A lot of people are saying 'pre-Madeleine' but just to point out I live in luz and they didn't leave her in a hotel and go downstairs or even stay in the resort they had to leave the resort and go onto the main road then go in a seperate entrance to get to the bar. The apartment to bar would be at least 5 min walk. I'm not judging but it's not true to imply it was in a hotel and is not fair on those who have left children in hotels I imply.

On original question I wouldn't (I struggle with leaving ds in his room at home when I'm downstairs watching TV!) but we were left in hotel with baby listening service and it was common and fine.

My SIL keeps trying to persuade us to do a listening service for her wedding, because I insist that dd goes to bed. She will not sleep in a buggy at all, so I dont mind going to bed, reading, relaxing a bit whilst hubby stays at the wedding. I wouldnt do it. Ever. What happens if there is a fire?
SIL thinks im being pfb although she thinks im pfb about everything- routine, sleep, parties, food- literally cannot wait to have kids, maybe she will cut me a bit of slack

We regularly go to a hotel where loads of people use a listening service, one member of staff listening to a bank of baby monitors. Never use it ourselves, doesn't feel safe.

Would never leave the Dds alone in a hotel room! When they were little we just didn't go to hotels, we self catered or stayed with family. Now they're older if we do hotels/b&b we all go to bed at the same time.

Abduction wouldn't even enter my mind. It would be fire and like many pp have said, you wouldn't be allowed back to your room as the hotel would be evacuated.

Jdan Can I ask why you don't like leaving your ds sleeping upstairs while you are downstairs?

We either do self catering, or if we are in a hotel room the DDs are allowed to stay up late and we go to bed a bit early. We would never, ever leave them alone in the room even now, and they're 11 and 13.

When DS was younger (pushchair age) he'd stay out with us and fall asleep in pushchair. Then we'd alternate who took him back to hotel and stayed with him whilst the other stayed out (we know the resort and people very well). Whoever stayed out got a lie in the next day

Now he's 7, he stays up later with us and we do the same as above (minus the pushchair and he's awake!)

I wouldn't leave him alone until he's old enough to buy me a pint

The only thing about pre/post Madeleine is that before she was abducted it wouldn't have crossed my mind it was a risk. now it would. That's all.
Fire alarm went of once when we were in restaurant. 1000 parents dashed back to their rooms to grab their kids, luckily no one tried to stop them or there would have been a riot. Which there nearly was once we all got back to finish dinner, to find the gas had been cut off as a precaution and all we could have was sandwiches.

Jeanmigue - can you not compromise and get a babysitter for the room? DS wouldn't sleep in the buggy in a noisy place, so not at a wedding, we just got a babysitter for weddings (I'd put DS down, then the babysitter would sit in the room). It's a bit more expensive, but avoiding family fallings out for a big occasion like a wedding without having to compromise your DC's safety is surely worth it?

Just being ridiculously pfb and paranoid! Plus he doesn't sleep well so if by some miracle he sleeps for a long time and I don't hear him I have to keep checking he's breathing! It's not abduction that scares me it's SIDS.

JD - was it really that far away? I thought part of the problem was the McGanns had asked for a particular table because they could see their balcony from it and there would be children unattended in the room, but the waiter wrote that in the booking, then left the reservations book out for the whole day with anyone being able to read that there would be children unattended in the evening - that had made me think it was relatively close.