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AIBU?

AIBU for asking DH to speak English when I am around?

156 replies

gwhappylife · 09/07/2014 15:15

To make this short and sweet, DH and MIL barely speak in English when I'm around. I'm left sitting there twiddling my thumbs feeling uncomfortable and excluded. So I asked DH if he can speak in English most of the time so that I feel included. Nothing. This will be a very long three weeks!

AIBU?

OP posts:

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foxinthebox · 17/07/2014 12:10

[Grin]

My stealth strategies were the best suggestions though.

foxinthebox · 17/07/2014 12:10

Very clever ??

Lweji · 17/07/2014 12:05

Bem feito.

foxinthebox · 17/07/2014 12:03

Oh dear. I killed the thread.

foxinthebox · 17/07/2014 08:41

Buggery phone.

Basically, rejoicing in someone getting their comeuppance.

foxinthebox · 17/07/2014 08:39

It most certainly was tongue in cheek. It is a colloquialism for succeeding in playing someone at their own game on someone and gaining the upper hand.

NewtRipley · 17/07/2014 08:02

actullay "that'll learn 'em"

NewtRipley · 17/07/2014 08:02

Yes, "that'll learn them!" is indeed a common expression. A deliberate mistake

Lweji · 17/07/2014 00:10

It's a common tongue in cheek expression.
(at least, I hope in this case )

jaundicedoutlook · 16/07/2014 23:15

Learn them...? Surely teach them...! (Unless my 2nd language, English, has let me down)!

foxinthebox · 16/07/2014 16:40

Or just record it and get it translated. That'll learn them.

foxinthebox · 16/07/2014 16:40

Learn it in secret and eavesdrop.

cindydog · 16/07/2014 16:35

They are being extremely rude. You should get up and leave when they do it.

OneDreamOnly · 16/07/2014 16:26

lewij or maybe being in a bicultural/bilingual setting is bringing specific issue that you don't have in a monolingual setup.
It's not that any if us WANTS to exclude our DH/DW. It's the fact that even if you start by translating everything it's becoming unmanageable and hard for everyone and the best way to deal with it is to 'exclude' one person that more often than not could have made the effort to learn their partners language but hasn't

GreatAuntDinah · 16/07/2014 10:17

Yes. The issue is whether the partner has a problem with that. OP has, it seems with some justification as her H apparently sounds like a bit of a dick (I haven't read her other threads). Other posters' partners couldn't care less, as they are not with dicks who they suspect of slagging them off.

Lweji · 16/07/2014 10:07

Interestingly, a lot of the people on the thread who've said YABU are themselves in bicultural relationships.

And excluding others from their conversations, it seems...

DoItTooJulia · 16/07/2014 09:08

Yoruba is tonal and not easily learnt from textbooks or apps.

They are being deliberately difficult. You need to sort this out when she isn't there.

BitOutOfPractice · 16/07/2014 08:18

I agree with onedreamonly. It's all about the context. If I felt like my exILs had spoken their language to exclude me, it would've been really rude. As it was, they were lovely and tried their very best in English till I begged them to give up and speak their language. As it was, only exMiL spoke no English. His dad spoke "fisherman's English" and the next generation down were all excellent English speakers. They only spoke their language when they came to a phrase that they really didn't know in English. At no point did I think anyone was doing it purposely to exclude me - unlike the op. That is why I think she is NBU

GreatAuntDinah · 16/07/2014 08:10

absolutely onedream.

Interestingly, a lot of the people on the thread who've said YABU are themselves in bicultural relationships.

OneDreamOnly · 16/07/2014 08:04

YY great
But I'm gathering the reason it upsets the OP do much is the context in which it's happening, ie a DH who doesn't care at all about her.
And that is a different issue.

GreatAuntDinah · 16/07/2014 06:36

If my DP told me he didn't like it I'd be inclined to tell him that this language is a massive part of my identity that I rarely get to express and that it's important that I should be able to when the opportunity arises.

jaundicedoutlook · 15/07/2014 23:20

Yes...the bugger could learn it if he really wanted to...! I expect he noticed I wasn't English before we got married. In reality I can see his eyes glaze over and depart into mental world when he can't be bothered to try and keep up..!

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Lweji · 15/07/2014 23:12

But he does understand some, and he has never complained about it, has he?
Would you continue to speak Japanese in his presence if he told you he didn't like it?

jaundicedoutlook · 15/07/2014 22:58

I speak Japanese all the time with parents when they are over/we are with them and with other Jpn friends who do speak English, whereas DH can only slightly follow. Doesn't bother him to be honest...if he wants to contribute then he'll just but in in English. Never been an issue to be honest.

NewtRipley · 15/07/2014 22:37

It's rude, and it doesn't surprise me to hear from bibliomania that there's more to this

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