DH teaching DSD (4) to tell lies. But on one hand I can't really blame him . . .

[Roundedbuttocks90]

We have had DSD staying since Wednesday night. She was meant to go back to her mums this morning in time for pre school.

Her mum lives 50 miles away and refuses to do any of the commutes to pick up or drop DSD off.
(Whole other thread)

Anyway on a normal week, she would go back to her mums today and we would pick her up tomorrow morning and then she'd spend the weekend with us.

DH is so sick of the money we are having to spend on petrol and the fact that DSD said she didnt want to go to pre school this morning that he has decided to ring his ex up and tell her that DSD has been sick (she hasn't).

He has just had a conversation with DSD which goes as follows: 'I've just rang mummy up and told her that you've been sick sweetheart so that you don't have to go to playschool. So if mummy asks you on Sunday if you're ok tell her that you've been really poorly but you're ok now.'

AIBU? DSD already lies to get her own way but now he's teaching her to!?

I wish he would grow a pair and tell his e that she has to start doing her fair share of the commuting instead of resorting to this!! Everything is in his favour, he could take her to court and she wouldn't have a leg to stand on. He's threatened to but wimped out. So frustrated. It is never ok to teach a child how to lie but I feel he's been somewhat driven to t

[WaywardOn3]

Teaching a child to lie is not really on

With regards to the pick ups and drop offs, who moved away? Isn't it normally the parent who moved who does the lions share of the travelling?

[SquigglySquid]

You want to teach your kids not to lie to start, and let them learn the grey areas as they get older and understand the "rules" of when it's ok to lie. When I was a kid I was told to never lie unless it was to protect someone from physical harm (ie: when people were hiding jews during the holocaust), I think that's a good rule to go by.

Then as they get older they learn to fib just a little to protect someone's feelings ("Yes, that dress looks good", "It's not you, it's me"). Then when they're older still, how to lie to smooth over social wrinkles ("I'd love to grab coffee, but I'm busy").

But you can't just teach them to lie off the bat without understanding when it's ok to lie and under what circumstances it's alright. How is your DH going to teach her that it's ok to lie to mommy, but not to get out of trouble?

[SquigglySquid]

That and... 4 years don't keep secrets. It'll slip. "Daddy said to say I was poorly and I'm better now".

Or.

"Yeah, I was poorly"
"What was wrong?"

Now if you have a kid with an active imagination, they'll make up something ridiculous. If not, they'll still make up something unbelievable. One question will pop a hole in the whole thing.

[Itsfab]

Really bad idea to teach her to lie as it is wrong but will also piss off the other no end once the little girl says, Daddy said I was sick but I wasn't really. He needs to man up and stop being such a wuss and you need to be honest about what you are prepared to finance as well.

[Roundedbuttocks90]

She can't calm herself down with someone say with her. She was being naughty so was meant to be on the naughty step to take her away from the situation.

DH stayed with her and wound her up more.
Yes I am pissed off that he never asks me if I can look after her. He expects a lot regarding childcare.

[KnackeredMuchly]

Urgh, he just can't make her lie, it's an awful situation to put a 4 year old into, especially over something so minor and petty.

[Roundedbuttocks90]

Tell me about it. Thought he was better than that I really did. Poor little girl