to wish that Cathy Glass would write about me?

[alreadyread]

Or Casey Watson. Or even that new addition Rosie Lewis. No one has actually met these authors in the flesh right? So I wonder if my foster mum could be of them? I had several.

Who wants to write about a kid that never really did much? Just quiet and had run of the mill parents who couldn't cope. Bit of booze. Bit of self harm (if you count hair pulling).

I guess pulling out one hair at a time doesn't make a best seller.

[Tenrec]

I wouldn't want to be written about. I suppose my story could be but it's very personal, as is yours, even if they changed any name, it would still be me/you. I wouldn't want someone reading it and then being able to walk away and watch a funny programme and not really care at all, because it's our lives but it's just entertainment for any readers. Also, my (and most people's) story isn't the same as most of those book ones are- I'm not fine now and I know most people who've been through foster care and whatever they went through before won't be fine either, often ending in much worse situations. I also doubt I'd be that compelling a character, I was a nightmare

I don't get why anyone would want that story written about them. I did a small bit for Lucy faithful, but that wasn't for anyone's entertainment and even then it was difficult, I can't imagine wanting you're story sold in book shops!

[bottleofbeer]

TH taught for five or six years, tops. She's lived in North Wales since 1981 and has farmed since then. Beautiful Child centres around a child brought out of her shell by She-ra, which was a mid 80s creation. Just one example.

[EmpressOfJurisfiction]

Truthful or not, I still think the ethics of it are massively questionable.

[candycoatedwaterdrops]

Oh man, I'm gutted to hear Torey Hayden was also a bullshitter. I always thought her stories had more truth that Cathy Glass'.

[bottleofbeer]

Torey Hayden is a bullshitter. I know she changed timelines to protect identities but her timelines no matter how you slice it are physically impossible. She only actually taught for a very few years and she had ALL those seriously disturbed kids? She hasn't had anything to do with teaching or therapy since 1981 but she talks about emails? She's used a lot of artistic licence.

[Roshbegosh]

As a foster carer I think her books bear no relation to reality at all. Her birth children cope and are so perfect, she is the perfect carer, never says or does anything wrong, the happy endings for the fostered children are simply absurd and yes, if there is any element of the stories based on children she looks after then she is exploiting them. I could believe she fostered for a while but not that she really lives it.

When things are really, really hard and I privately might cry and wonder what I could have done differently or I regret getting cross with an out of control teen heading into disaster I find her depiction beyond fucking irritating. I am not perfect of course but I do my absolute best for these children and if I believed her books I would feel like I'm rubbish at it and should just quit and leave it to the two or three Mother Teresa's out there.

[lollerskates]

Those books are godawful. They're rubbernecking, basically. Ghoulish. It's all thanks to that Angela's Ashes arsehole. WHSmith has a special section for them (ie they don't get to go in the biography section) and the section is called "TRAGIC LIVES," which sums it up, really. It's trauma porn. You're better than that, OP. Your posts here make it clear that you're a lot more complex and interesting than the one-dimensional "victims" that CG writes about.

[differentnameforthis]

Or for anyone's game of 'competitive sadness'. There is a reason that CG sensationalises her book, and that is because people don't actually really care that child A got removed form their parent, what they care about is what they child lived through to get to the point of removal.

In essence, using your example op..they won't care that you pulled your hair out one by one, what they care about is your abuse & how it got you to that point. If you or anyone wrote a book purely about how you acted in relation to the abuse, it wouldn't be a best seller. Your distress is such a small part of it, what they want is gritty detail. It's like watching a car crash. It's kinda perverted.

And of course there is a happy ending, no one wants to think it permanently damaged the child, they want to think that that wonderful foster carer saved that child & made them all ok again. The reality, as you know, is much less than that! But the foster carer has to be the hero!

There are outlets if you really to share your story, that are probably safer for you & your feelings than publishing a book. Here, for example. A private blog. A book that only you & a few selected people read.

A book leaves you open to criticism. Can you handle that?

[differentnameforthis]

Neither did I have the drama that girl had in 'Damaged' but people LOVE that book

You have to ask yourself why people love it.
I had a crap childhood, but I don't want people thinking that my life is some sort of entertainment to earn someone some money!

I don't want my pain & sadness to become public fodder for judgement.

[alreadyread]

Thank you everyone. Thank you for noticing I'm vulnerable. I'm not very good at taking care of myself. I do my best for my child and I had some therapy as a teenager to try not to become like my parents.

Suddenly the thought of my child needing foster care for whatever reason and coming into contact with one of these authors who apparently writes while their perfect family and imperfect foster children are sleeping makes me very very uncomfortable.

Disappointed to hear about your friend Burren. I can imagine the same critisism of my story if it were to end up in print. These books by CG and her clones don't raise awareness as they claim.

As an adult abused in childhood I cannot relate to these stories. I feel more angry towards the readers than the writers that this is allowed to happen. As EmpressofJ says

"I wouldn't have thought writing about the children could be justified without their permission and they couldn't really give that until adulthood. It all just feels dodgy".

So true. Foster kids are so vulnerable - what rights do they actually have?

[candycoatedwaterdrops]

MrsSippie Yes, her children are saintly, especially the DD she adopted from foster care.

[MrsSippie]

I have just read her latest and was highly irritated by it - her bioloogical daughter is allegedly 2 years old in this one but is able to construct such sentences as 'yes, of course, I understand completely mummy' and play quietly when the foster child needs attention. Cos that is very realistic..

[smartypants1000]

I did a piece for a National newspaper once, about my own experience of a particular issue. That was well handled and I don't regret doing that. I did it to raise awareness rather than any oersonal gain, and wasn't paid. I then agreed to do one for a magazine that wasn't handled so well, and was unhappy with what was printed. It was also used by another magazine alongside words that weren't mine and some horrible images that had nothing to do with me.

[smartypants1000]

YABU, Cathy Glass is awful, she is so one-dimensional and keen to portray what a wonderful person she is.

Be v careful with the magazine. They can twist your words and the story that's printed alongside your photo and name can be very different from the one you told. If you choose to go ahead, insist on "copy approval" - the right to read and veto the final version before it goes to print. Get a written contract with that written in before you agree to anything or give them any details. Also be aware that other magazines can then borrow your details and use them in a less reputable way.

[Burren]

I've never heard of her, but in the abstract I think that a foster carer profiteering from the experiences of vulnerable children in her care is morally despicable.

OP, you do sound vulnerable, as suggested by how affected you are by this woman's happy ever after stories. I would seek out therapy and make sure you are strong and feeling balanced before making any steps towards publishing a book based on your own story, as anything put out in the public domain can attract negative as well as positive attention. A friend of mine, a professional novelist, was recently upset by reviews of her novel which criticised as unrealistic the depiction of an abusive relationship that was a disguised version of her own childhood.

[EmpressOfJurisfiction]

I wouldn't have thought writing about the children could be justified without their permission and they couldn't really give that until adulthood. It all just feels dodgy.

[frogslegs35]

Thanks candy
I knew that everything wasn't exactly what she said. Like you said there's a need for privacy so I'm ok with her changing some details when needed but it just doesn't sit well with me to think some/all could be utter bullshit.

[candycoatedwaterdrops]

frogs Well, she is a foster carer and no doubt she is experience and has doubt with complex cases but her stories are indeed stories and very sensationalised. Obviously there is an issue of privacy for the children, so some details have to be changed but IMO, a few too many details have been changed for them to be real life stories about fostering children.

I was always a big fan of hers, so I was pretty gutted to find out they were more sensationalised that I had thought but in hindsight, I'm not surprised.

[frogslegs35]

Cathy Glass is known in certain circles as a complete bullshitter

Really? I'm not saying that I wish all of those children to have gone through what she's written about but I honestly feel quite shocked and let down if it's true. I've read all her books and have cried through most of them willing the happy ending to come.
I think it's pretty fucking disgusting if it's all based on lies.
Hope I managed to articulate that how I meant.

[candycoatedwaterdrops]

If it makes you feel any better, Cathy Glass is known in certain circles as a complete bullshitter. Torey Hayden, on the other hand, I think is fab.

[Kidhands]

I agree if you were to tell your story, tell it with your own voice. From what little I've read about CG she seems to create hybrid characters based on elements of stories she's experienced through her foster children, and seemingly they will all conveniently have a very happy Hollywood ending. So I'd hazard a guess the stories are all skewed massively with a ton of flowers and fiction.

If you want your story told accurately, tell it yourself. Or if you worry you don't have the skills, maybe there is another writer better fixed to do this? Someone you can trust.

I am not a fan of CG, don't feel it's particularly moral what she is doing. As otters have stated here, could be quite dangerous to some individuals who ciudad be recognised through her books and could make them very vulnerable.

Profiteering from the people in her care? I am just not comfortable with this at all.

In fact in some small way spotting this thread and hearing from someone who wants to tell their story and wants it to be told through someone like CG gives me small comfort. I suppose I've never thought of it from that perspective before. But I still worry for all the other people in her care who form elements of her stories and can't help some feeling they have been exploited a little? Or a lot?

[alreadyread]

Thanks MiscA. I will. I have a feeling my writing will only ever be under another name. Maybe just my username. No one will read my story all the way to the end. No one wants real life to interfere with their real life stories!

[alreadyread]

I wondered at times Allie84 - I bet thousands of kids have tried that 'It was me' route.

I might just do that joanofA. I'd break every rule in CG's 'how to' book. Starting with grammatical errors. I might allocate a page to each hair I pluck out. Describe the sounds of my foster family in the distance making jokes about my biscuit consumption.

I might even go crazy and tell a postive story about my social worker.

[MiscellaneousAssortment]

I would be a bit careful about the problems that might happen if you did use all your real details.

You sound a bit vulnerable and I think you need to take good care of yourself - by finding out what the potential negative consequences are, and how to best protect yourself against them if you do want to proceed.