WIBU to air my dirty laundry on FB, just this once?

[Jolleigh]

Over a decade ago, when I was in my early teens, I stayed with an aunty for a while because my uncle and parents were in Spain caring for my nana who'd fallen ill with cancer while we were on holiday over there. During this time, aunty was looking after her own 3 children plus me, alone, and took us for a long scenic walk to try to keep us occupied. While on said walk, aunty and I had an accident and fell rather clumsily part way down a hill.

Aunty's reaction, rather than checking I was ok, was to start screaming at me at the bottom, under the impression I pushed her. She then stormed off and left me there, bruised, bleeding and not knowing the way back to the car.

I called my mum distraught at the time while I was finding my way back, though it was more for comfort than anything - I knew she couldn't really help. Back at the house when things had calmed down, both my uncle and my mum spoke to me on the phone several times saying they knew it was an accident but sometimes people need to apologise to keep the peace. Circumstances being what they were, I tried several times to clear the air. The apologies were thrown back in my face every time, right up until the attempt the evening before my mum came to collect me.

I was never left in my aunt's care again. Because they live half the country away, this meant I only saw that half of the family when they came to us.

Fast forward to present day. There are several people with long standing issues against this aunt, all separate from my own issue. My mum though has recently chosen to try to bury the hatchet to help her relationship with her brother and they've added each other on Facebook.

There were several of us chatting about a photo of us all as children which my mum had posted to sort of dedicate to me in a way (I'll be giving birth very soon as I'm 10 days overdue). The aunt has 'misunderstood' an in-joke (easy for her to do really as there were quite a few of us there who'd cut ties with her at one time or other) and made an almighty leap...

She asked if we were all talking about the time I pushed her down a hill.

I am so extremely sorely tempted to give my tuppence worth now that I'm older, no longer in such delicate family circumstances and don't have to blindy do as I'm told. I've never once aired drama on Facebook but I'd love to tell her how any normal person would have shown concern for the child after such an accident rather than react the way she did.

It really isn't worth the drama, is it?

[Jolleigh]

The Jack and Jill suggestion just made me spit my raspberry leaf tea everywhere!

Mum is quite good with custom settings for things...I'll have a word so she makes sure not everyone can see my daughter when she arrives.

Thank you everyone. Definitely good to know most people would be a bit miffed by this.

[Aventurine]

at Jack and Jill.

[Descalzada]

Blimey! I'd go for a fake insouciance, "since you bring that up, I do remember it! I was SO uspet. I couldn't believe you'd accused me of pushing you down a hill". But then, no matter WHAT she replies, just leave it. otherwise all the relatives will think six of one and half a dozen of the other. I had that with a crazy x. I defended myself but it was never heard so I repeated it and repeated it and it just made it look like I was one half of a crazy duo.

[Descalzada]

ps, Jolleigh I see you did reply.

wrt your parents 'making' you apologise, I know that must seem really disloyal to you but I'd say they thought that your aunt would carry on her nastiness to you indefinitely if you didn't cough up an apology. Maybe they were more worried about your short term care than your long term mental scar from the bizarre accusation.

[Jolleigh]

I did feel a bit betrayed at the time Descal but managed to tell myself that they had enough on their plate. Now of course, having done some growing up, just how big a dilemma it will have posed has hit home. I was 200+ miles from my own home and any other relatives, they were abroad and they knew I was being treated badly but had just been told nana had cancer so couldn't really leave. However distressed I was, I was safe and saying anything to my aunt over the phone about her behaviour wasn't going to make things easier.

I'm pretty sure some words were had when my mum came to get me at least. I used to spend a couple of weeks there each summer but after that, neither me nor my brother were taken back and she when that part of the family came to us instead, the aunty wasn't invited.

[BlackDaisies]

Well I think you've come out really well in that little exchange. Especially if you now completely ignore and block her. Silly woman.

[SavoyCabbage]

Arguing back with this woman is not going to get you anywhere. It doesn't matter what you say, she is never going to admit or come to the realisation that it was an accident. Never ever. So there is no point in trying.

The other people that know her, will know that she is an usual thinker. They will not think that you pushed her down a hill as a child. So there is no point in trying to change their perspectives on the incident.

Forget her and her madness. You can't change her.

[ravenAK]

'Wasn't me Aunty. Your second bottle of cooking sherry probably gave you a shove! You daft old bat, you xxx'

[AlpacaPicnic]

She grabbed your hand while on a hill?
You didn't push her, She pulled you down...

You know that old saying 'attack is the best form of defence'? She totally accused you to take the heat off herself.

Your reply was way more dignified than anything I would have posted. I cannot stand injustice and unfair accusations.

[BlackeyedSusan]

"I have never pushed anyone down a hill! I fell down a hill once and was really hurt and bleeding.... are you thinking of that?"

^this, or this:

Oh Aunt Witch, I'd totally forgotten that day we both fell down the hill. I remember now how long it took me to find my way back to you all!

[bragmatic]

No, No, No!

Delete the comment (or have it deleted), and send her a private message if you must.

[Alisvolatpropiis]

I'm so glad you said something! I am very much the type to internally react very strongly but outwardly remain mostly calm to keep the peace. So not at all inclined towards going bonkers without a second thought to the consequences.

I think you responded in a completely acceptable manner.

I would respond to her reply with "I bet you don't want to go into it. Thanks for your best wishes though". Then block her.

[BuzzardBird]

I would reply with "yes, you're right, I think I am ready to forgive you now"

[differentnameforthis]

Exactly what AlpacaPicnic said.

[Comeatmefam]

FGS can people read the thread? It's been updated several times by OP!

OP has responded to aunt, aunt has replied.

OP can't block her as she is not friends with her! Her mum is friends with her and the comments on mum's feed.

HTH OP - and good luck with your new baby daughter!

[Comeatmefam]

Mumsnet has always been snippy, tebellie!

Apologies if I got the blocking thing wrong. I deleted Facebook years ago (and my life has been all the better for it btw - do it, everyone, do it!).

[Comeatmefam]

Teabellie, even

[RalphRecklessCardew]

No. For God's sake no. Leave her to stew. She's written it to get a rise out of you, don't play her game.

[HowContraryMary]

OP can't block her as she is not friends with her

Yes you can.

Settings.. Select the bottom option "Who can contact me?" then type in her FB name correctly. Because she is a friend of your mothers she should be top of the list (assuming there are more than one) and you select that person. You cant she her and she cant see you.

Will make for some amusing one sided conversations though when it appears your mother is talking to her self

[ChasedByBees]

I think I would ask tell your mum not to put any photos of your baby on Facebook while she is friends with your aunt. Not after that stupid set of comments. How annoying. I'd want to drive over and push her down a hill too.

[MrsBramStoker]

I would. I'd use sarcasm and totally overstate my 'guilt' to make her feel really stupid. Something like:

'Of course I pushed you down a hill! Did you know I'd been plotting it for weeks? And thank god the opportunity arose for me to push you and also I invented a fall myself to make it look more authentic. You were always my favourite aunty;) ' #ridiculous

[chrome100]

Oh god, I wouldn't say anything. You will come across as the bigger person if you let things lie. She's clearly a loon who probably thrives off the drama. Don't give her what she wants.