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AIBU?

to be annoyed with the inlaws?

68 replies

ameliarose2012 · 05/04/2014 10:51

We've invited them to a party at 2 this afternoon for DH birthday. Nothing fancy, just tea and cakes etc. It's kind of a long standing tradition in my family to do this on birthdays.

Anyway... We found out via text at 930 that they are arriving at 11. 3 HOURS early! I am not a naturally tidy person, so was gonna spend this time tidying and cleaning up. I'm not even dressed yet!

Yes, they live quite far away, and no, they don't visit much (another bone of contention - they are both retired, and get free train travel; we both work full time and it costs us £80 on the train to visit them), but 3 HOURS EARLY!!!

AIBU?

OP posts:

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Nanny0gg · 05/04/2014 22:15

ArtisanScotchEgg

So what was the outcome?

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PortofinoRevisited · 05/04/2014 22:19

I am totally bemused by a lot of this. Tis family. I have had family arrive at crack of dawn and get me out of bed. I put the kettle on and don't stress about whether the toilet is sparkling.

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PortofinoRevisited · 05/04/2014 22:21

If people turned up expecting lunch I would have no trouble pointing them to the chippy.

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HumphreyCobbler · 05/04/2014 22:25

It depends on what kind of relationship you have with your family, doesn't it? I don't see why that is hard to understand.

I love my family to bits but I still want them to turn up when they are invited, not three hours earlier. We don't have the dynamic where they will pitch in whilst we get ready, we tend to BE ready for them and then sit with them and entertain them.

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HumphreyCobbler · 05/04/2014 22:25

oh, and some of us live 15 miles from the nearest chippy

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ArtisanScotchEgg · 06/04/2014 10:08

I'm not having any more DC

DH is not the type to say anything and his family are not the type to pay any attention even if he or I did.

I've seen MIL stop - mid dishing up a meal for us - and get out more plates and split the food another 4 ways as SIL turns up hungry with her DC. We've taken to eating out but she still finds us It seems to be a game to her.

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PorkPieandPickle · 06/04/2014 14:11

I think the problem here is just lack of communication. When the party was discussed, did you or DH not have a conversation about their attendance when you told them?! why on earth wouldn't they say thanks for the invite, we'll be with you about 11, is that ok?!
How did it go OP?

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ameliarose2012 · 06/04/2014 19:16

It was ok I guess. Nice to see them blah blah blah. Nothing was said, I carried on tidying up around them. They did offer to help, but not til everything was nearly done!

Just for the record, I am not a bitch. My ILs, and the rest of both mine and DH family are welcome to visit anytime. I just like a bit of notice so I can make sure I'm prepared! xxx

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HaroldLloyd · 06/04/2014 19:32

I don't think it's that outrageous on their part to be honest.

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Madamecastafiore · 06/04/2014 19:37

Am shocked at your attitude towards your in laws and fail to see why you can't just make sure the place is tidy earlier than the start of the party?

So many times you have women bemoaning the lack of involvement their in laws and parents show their children and in some cases this is probably why.

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cjel · 06/04/2014 19:43

Either they are welcome to visit at any time or you are mad as hell when they dare to come at a time you haven't said which is it?? You said they didn't come very often but this time they chose to come and you moaned. You've even moaned that they only offered to help at the last minute. Chill a bit - they didn't expect entertaining they just fitted in around you.If this is the worst thing that happens in your life you are blessed.

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Madamecastafiore · 06/04/2014 19:49

Just a quick question too....

Does everyone not live in a way that is not am embarrassment should guests arrive unannounced?

All I expect is relative tidiness and no shit stains in the loo.

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gertiegusset · 06/04/2014 20:01

Hope it went well, it really wouldn't bother me though, they are his parents, just rope them in with the tidying up and coffee making.

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ameliarose2012 · 06/04/2014 20:03

I'm not 'mad as hell', just a little put out. They are welcome to visit whenever they are able, as long as they let me know first, and don't just turn up unannounced. I have a terrible fear of people seeing my house messy (probably due to growing up with a sister who lives in a flat that looks like a squat), and so like plenty of time to prepare. If they had told me they were coming early, then I would, of course, have been tidied earlier than the party, but they didn't!

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cjel · 06/04/2014 20:03

I had an old neighbour pop in last week haven't seen her for 18 months, since I moved,she is lovely but Ifeel inferior as she has a famous husband!! the weather was lovely and I had been out all morning and come home and decided to garden. Every room and the garden was a mess- I was ashamed of my mess but showed her round and she was very gracious complementing me on what I'd done and colours I'd decorated etc.
Whoever they are if they like you they won't judge

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rallytog1 · 06/04/2014 20:12

I would always expect my dd's grandparents to want to arrive early - that is just normal, of course grandparents will want to see their gc outside of their party. However, I would always ASK them what time they plan to arrive. Saves all sorts of bother in the long run.

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starfishmummy · 06/04/2014 20:32

We stopped doing birthday tea parties a few years ago in favour of going out for a pub meal. My Pils always had to be first to arrive and last to leave; another relative (also on dh's side) also liked to be last to leave as well so they would be there trying to outstay each other. At least in a pub we can leave them to it!!

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fluffyraggies · 06/04/2014 20:35

Put it down to experience OP and next time they're due over get the house sorted the night before, as much as is poss.

My PILs have a habit of saying they''ll ''be over on Saturday'', but they never specify a time and DH never asks because he's not the one with a bee in their bonnet about having a tidy house when visitors come.

In the early days i would stress but not want to show it, so i'd 'casually' ask DH to ring on the Friday and check what time they were coming. His call was always greeted with a confused flurry of exchanges between MIL and FIL as they hadn't a clue either! They run an open house themselves where family is concerned and just don't plan ahead much when it comes to visiting. Drive me mad at first, but once i learned that MIL never ever gets up till mid day at the weekend i chilled out because i knew they'd never rock up before 2 or 3ish. (2 hour drive).

Except for first visit to see new born DD recently when they arrived at 9.30am