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AIBU?

to be annoyed with the inlaws?

68 replies

ameliarose2012 · 05/04/2014 10:51

We've invited them to a party at 2 this afternoon for DH birthday. Nothing fancy, just tea and cakes etc. It's kind of a long standing tradition in my family to do this on birthdays.

Anyway... We found out via text at 930 that they are arriving at 11. 3 HOURS early! I am not a naturally tidy person, so was gonna spend this time tidying and cleaning up. I'm not even dressed yet!

Yes, they live quite far away, and no, they don't visit much (another bone of contention - they are both retired, and get free train travel; we both work full time and it costs us £80 on the train to visit them), but 3 HOURS EARLY!!!

AIBU?

OP posts:

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phantomnamechanger · 05/04/2014 18:51

just announcing they are coming 3 hours early (and presumably that also means they will be there for lunch, unexpectedly?) is very rude regardless of whether they are family or not.

fair enough if they had offered to come earlier to help - but they haven't it seems

phantomnamechanger · 05/04/2014 18:53

Oh, and you need to sort this, because otherwise it will happen every time and you will be seething!

next time they try it, just go out. Say you did not get the text/were already at the shops/hairdressers or whatever.

Sparklysilversequins · 05/04/2014 18:56

This would piss me off too but you just have to deal with it don't you? You don't see them that often, so suck it up.

comedycentral · 05/04/2014 19:01

How messy is your house? Just do what you can, prioritise toilet and lounge x

Topseyt · 05/04/2014 19:18

It wouldn't bother me too much really, and I would see it as having unexpected help with the kids whilst I did whatever I needed to do.

I certainly wouldn't say anything, or force them to do the vacuuming etc. That said though, I would accept their help if they offered it.

Suck it up. It doesn't need to be such an issue.

Chloerose75 · 05/04/2014 19:22

It's really rude. I agree it's the lack of notice that's the problem. They are now assuming you are free to their convenience but they shouldn't assume.

WhatsTheWordHummingbird · 05/04/2014 19:23

Maybe they thought coming early would mean they could entertain the dcs while you got ready? Not everything is done from an angle of nastiness/awkwardness you know.

Sicaq · 05/04/2014 19:37

It is a bit rude, especially combined with the fact that despite cheaper rail travel and more free time they rarely stir themselves to visit you (I have similar ...) All at their convenience, isn't it?

Chippednailvarnish · 05/04/2014 19:43

My ILS once arrived at 8am. They live 2.5 hours away and they stopped for breakfast and they arrived at 8am. WTAF!

PurpleCrazyHorse · 05/04/2014 20:09

Send them out with the DC(s)

Cobain · 05/04/2014 20:15

This is one of the discussion that is judged on your families dynamics, I would not need to prepare or cater for my family including DPs so I have no problem with them arriving early it is what you see is what you get. If they do not visit often then they have not created an atmosphere where arriving early or unannounced is acceptable, however being put out and them knowing it all does not help with them wanting to come back.

phantomnamechanger · 05/04/2014 20:16

It's all very well some people saying family are always welcome and OP should just get them to muck in - but we have no idea what these people are like. They might be the sort who bitch to their friends about what a slattern the DIL is and sit around ignoring the DGC and expecting to be waited on hand and foot, early or not!

Namelessonsie · 05/04/2014 20:21

My ILs do this sort of thing, but then I just get them to take the toddler out from under my feet, and bounce the baby so I can get on. Not worth stressing about really, unless you think they did it maliciously?

HotXBunnies · 05/04/2014 20:52

They might be the sort who bitch to their friends about what a slattern the DIL is and sit around ignoring the DGC and expecting to be waited on hand and foot, early or not!
phantom have you met my MIL??

She would do this and has in the past, I would be pissed off. I wish we had the "yes come early and entertain your DGC" relationship, but we don't. She would expect tea and your full attention or she follows you around the house

Lazybones12 · 05/04/2014 20:56

Seriously... Yabu... Grey dressed and get tidying or don't who cares. Enjoy the party... First world problem!

phantomnamechanger · 05/04/2014 21:02

I don't think I have had that pleasure HotX but I have read a hell of a lot of MN threads about PIL like that

HotXBunnies · 05/04/2014 21:05

rabbitlady · 05/04/2014 21:14

you're right. your dh's parents should not arrive three hours early - that isn't fair.

Goldmandra · 05/04/2014 21:23

I wouldn't mind someone who would pitch in arriving early but I'd still appreciate them asking rather than just deciding to do it.

I would very much mind if it were my MIL because once she'd arrived someone would have a full time job looking after her and intervening to stop her upsetting too many people. She wouldn't dream of lifting a finger to help herself, never mind anyone else.

DoJo · 05/04/2014 21:28

Family shouldn't need invitations in the first place

What an odd thing to say? So they should just turn up whenever they feel like it, without even checking that somebody would be home? Or do you have to sit around, fully dressed in your spotless house at all times just in case a family member decides to turn up unexpectedly?

emuloc · 05/04/2014 21:38

Yabu as you say yourself that they do not visit often. One day this may be you being given time slots for when you see your grandkids.

ArtisanScotchEgg · 05/04/2014 22:08

Ah - reminds of the famous christening day when BIL and MIL turned up unexpectedly at 9am for a 3.30pm service. The day after the builders had finally left after 6 months. When DH was mowing the lawn in his pjs and me and DBro were frantically making up flatpack chairs - they did nothing to help or with DC, wouldn't even put the kettle on.
When SIL (never had more than 1 cup of tea in her house that DH made) turned up at 11, I silently fumed. When BIL (only eats certain meat, no sauces, no touching food, no pasta) turned up at 12 I lost it. They knew we'd had a working kitchen for less than a week, they knew we were only doing food at 4.30, they knew we were not expecting them - how was I supposed to spring a meal for 11 unexpected, uninvited, fussy eating people out of fucking fresh air whilst preparing for a huge party?

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phantomnamechanger · 05/04/2014 22:10

emuloc - but I think they are welcome to visit more often - its just that despite being retired and having free rail travel, they prefer OP &co to do the running and fit visiting them into their busy schedule, and they have to pay £80 train fare to do so.

phantomnamechanger · 05/04/2014 22:12

blimey artisan I think you're the winner so far !

IsChippyMintonExDirectory · 05/04/2014 22:13

YANBU. I personally think being far too early is just as rude as being far too late

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