Not being invited to a birthday party

[fmpc]

This is my first post on mumsnet and not sure if I'm being unreasonable or not and the kids involved are 7 year olds in case that's relevant

Asked a mother this afternoon if her dc would come home after school with mine tomorrow for a playdate to be met with a look of confusion 'but it's X's birthday party tomorrow' surely my dc is going as well. This was the first I'd heard of it, so obviously not invited. The other mother then got a bit confused/embarrassed about it and said herself that it's supposed to be a football party out on the green in front of X's house. I just answered that sure X and my son aren't major friends anyway.

Now normally I wouldn't expect my kids to be invited to all the birthday partys going. But the reason the other mother obviously felt awkward and that I'm a bit taken aback is that X and my dc are the only kids in their class living on our road and the green they're going to have the party on is right outside both our houses where all the kids play

So basically tomorrow my son is going to have to be kept in all afternoon and he'll be able to see why himself or if I let him outside which is where he always wants to be, he'll have full view of all his classmates playing together with the party and him being very obviously excluded

So whereas I don't expect all kids to be automatically be included I do think it's a bit much to basically rub my dc's nose in it

btw I'm not going to say anything to anyone but aibu ?

[blanchedeveraux]

Sheesh...no wonder loads of young adults these days can't cope with not getting their own road 100% of the time..it's one daft party, the other Mum isn't "nasty" or "not nice" for failing to invite this child, she can do whatever she likes. Unbelieveable.

[phantomnamechanger]

if your neighbour is on here, this is probably very identifiable to her OP

[Rexandralpf]

I think you are over reacting and thinking too much about it. Your son has friends over that day anyway and I'm sure you can just organise a few treats for him to make the day extra special. Can't see what the big deal is. I'm sure there will be other children (even if its just one or two kids) not attending the party.

[Rexandralpf]

Why would you keep your child in? It's just a party on the common.

[Rexandralpf]

Why will the party take over the whole green?

[giveadogabonio]

Pray for rain

[Skylander1]

Yanbu but I wouldn't confront, in a few days it will all be forgotten

[OlyRoller]

Did he go to his party last year?

[mameulah]

YADNBU. That is horrible. But look at it this way, it is a great opportunity to teach your DS about feelings and being fair and coping when something crap happens. Not what you would have wanted I know but part of how tough life can be I suppose.

[rowna]

I don't invite my next door but one's dc to my dd's party because my dd doesn't play with her at school and they don't like each other much. Just because you live in the same road, doesn't mean they should invite you.

I'd just show some diplomacy and not have my dc playing on the green that day.

[MrsAtticus]

Sounds like the kid whos party it is isn't all that nice, and maybe asked his mum not to invite your son?
One way or another you'll just have to provide a distraction I think.

[Floralnomad]

Just tell your son that X is having his party and if he is going to play out not to interfere with the party people ,he is 7 not 4 so that should be easy to comprehend . She cannot monopolise a public area so why would you keep your son away . My children are older ,but is it really the norm to not send out invites ? When mine were smaller I hardly knew anyone's phone number . It sounds more like an informal birthday tea rather than an actual party .

[SaucyJack]

I think you're over-thinking your involvement in this one tbh. I'm sure she planned her son's party with the kids he wanted to invite, doing what he wanted to do. I doubt she wanted to rub his nose in anything.

[Helltotheno]

In the range of possible emotions you may have, I can sort of see that upset might be one of them, but in all honesty, and I mean this in a nice way, YAB a little U.

This is just a party OP. In all other aspects, doesn't your son have a great life by virtue of what he was born into? Doesn't he have a lovely family and his health and access to education, food etc?

Yes that was majorly preachy, sorry Also, your children won't always be invited to things. As adults, they will sting over being left out of things now and again thru no ostensible fault of their own. Life is like that.

I honestly think if you don't make a big deal, he won't make a big deal. How about just buying some treats in for the kids in your house? Also, as others have said, nobody owns the common. He has a right to play on that, party or not. Why not just take it as it comes and if he goes out, tell him he has to come in when they go cos he's not invited to the party.

He won't carry this round for years, honest :)

[takeiteasybuttakeit]

all his classmates

Really? All of them? Are you sure?

[paddyclampo]

If this was a small party eg friends invited for tea or sleepover then I would have said yabu but this is different. A football party on the green suggests a large number of people will be coming and to have it in front of your house just adds insult to injury.

It's the tactlessness of this other mum that would stick in my throat, and I'd be tempted to make some sort of comment like " I realise that DS isn't invited to the party but I hope you don't mind him playing on the green". YANBU

[mameulah]

I am not sure but I don't think I would stop him playing on the green.

[BabyDubsEverywhere]

You have other children and their friends over at the same time as this party... simple then - let them all go and play on the green and take over the party :) Its public ground, a big fat "fuck 'um" as they are being so bloody mean!

[Elderflowergranita]

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all to feel hurt and upset for your Ds about the party.

Similar things have happened to me with one of my children.

It's rubbish, and I feel your pain.

Are you in Ireland by the way? Your turn of phrase sounds hugely familiar and comforting to me!

You and Ds will survive this day, but it's not nice, not nice at all, and I would never behave as this mum has done.

[Elderflowergranita]

Agree with babydubs solution!

[coffeehouse]

I would personally wish to make the other mother feel as awkward as possible...i would set up picnic on the green with all the friends you have coming over, invite more too! I would be out there before them.
Start your own games out there and have a fun noisy time. Dont hide in the house.

[Beamur]

Well, when it was my DD's 7th party, I asked who she wanted to invite and suggested a few activities. But the guests were her own choice.
In your position I think I'd feel a bit stung, but wouldn't make any sort of comment or issue about this. It's unfortunate that the party is more or less outside your house and your DS isn't going.
If he sees the party and asks to join in, I'd nip out and ask if he can come and join the game, and if thats ok, make sure he knows that food/cake/party bags are for the invited guests only. Or he might be busy indoors with the other guests you're having and not notice.
I'd agree with the poster who said if you don't make this a big deal, then perhaps your DS won't feel it that way either.

[Rexandralpf]

So mature coffee

[Aeroflotgirl]

Exactly tge mother cannot monopolise the communal ground for the party. I would send him out to play, party mum will be too embarrassed and include him.

[SantasLittleMonkeyButler]

This is why my DC's birthday parties have always been "everyone or two close friends".

The potential to cause unintended offence and/or hurt is just too great.