To want to announce we're having a baby our way?

[PanDahlia]

Myself and DH are expecting our first baby in Nov and have been getting together with immediate family to announce the pregnancy and give 'gifts from the baby' - a bit of silly fun but a tradition from my family.
The only person left to tell is one of my sisters along with her DH. I've invited her over and tried to meet up with her near her house a few times but she has been too busy (she doesn't have a job or children so I'm sure it's something important) I've told her I have exciting news to share to try and drop hints but she hasn't made any plans to get together. They also missed a family meet-up last week so I haven't seen her lately at all.
I did want to share the news in person but this probably means she will be the last to know and much later than everyone else which might make her feel put out. I'm aware this is a much bigger deal to me and the family probably don't care how I pass on the news so do I just stop being precious and tell her over the phone?

[Mouldypineapple]

Yes!

[EugenesAxe]

I would say so. I'm half wondering (after reading a bit about the subject on here) if they are struggling to get pregnant and she's just trying to protect herself from news that she's guessed.

[lessonsintightropes]

I immediately thought the same as Eugene when I read your OP. I'd pass on the news privately by a quick call - or even text - and then let her decide whether to come or not, it might be hard for her if this is the case. I've been TTC for nearly a year now and whilst delighted that six of my friends have given birth this year it is difficult to come to lots of occasions like this without feeling a bit raw. Give her time and please be kind and patient if she's not immediately fawny over your wonderful new imminent arrival.

[Anonymai]

She probably already knows by now. Agree with Eugene that there's more to this. Don't do a fancy announcement with her. Just ring her.

And stop using the estate agents "myself".

[ItsNotATest]

she doesn't have a job or children so I'm sure it's something important

Nice attitude you have there

If she is avoiding meeting up with you and missing a family gathering, my first concern is that there is something going on in her life that you don't know about?

[Chloerose75]

Agree just text her, she likely does know and doesn't want to face your fancy announcement.

I am ttc and even though I know other people getting preg doesn't affect my chances it can still be painful to hear. One of my "friends" (now ex friend !) rubbed her pregnancy in my face by announcing it to me very publically then getting the hump that I was a bit upset when she did this as she even made comments about how she feels so tired and so sick etc, saying I couldn't possibly imagine, when she knew perfectly well that I had recently been pregnant but it ended at 10 weeks, so yes I did know about early tiredness and sickness

Sorry for the rant, I know it doesn't really have anything to do with your situation and you've shown no signs you would be so insensitive as my "friend" but just a glimpse into why if she is ttc she might want your announcement to be as low key as possible, not saying she won't be happy for you.

[PanDahlia]

Thanks for your replies, totally get where you're coming from with the TTC possibilities, myself and DH were trying for 14mos and had 2 chemicals in that time so I know what a long and emotional journey it can be especially when everyone around you is announcing they're pregnant and inviting you to showers etc. and if it's something she's going through too I want be a support to her if and when she decides to share that with me. It's hard not to be excited after 14mos but rubbing everyone's faces in it is the last thing I want to do. Chloerose75 I had a similar experience to you when I was TTC about 6mos ago and it is horrible, I hope you get your BFP soon x

[WhereYouLeftIt]

You say the only person left to tell is this sister - so you've already told the rest of your family? Surely it will have been mentioned to her by them?

In my opinion, there are two possibilities -

1. Your sister has something going on in her life right now that eclipses you and everything else ("They also missed a family meet-up last week ")
2. She is actively avoiding this "bit of silly fun but a tradition", and the most likely reason for that is probably because she's expecting to not find it silly fun at all and to be upset by it.

Either way, if you care for your sister I think now is the time to put your pregnancy announcement aside and ask her about HER.


"she doesn't have a job or children so I'm sure it's something important"
It's impossible to convey tone of voice on t'internet, so I need to ask you, what did you mean by this? Were you being flippant or sarcastic? Or something else?

[MrsSeanBean1]

I immediately thought fertility issues as well as I would probably have acted the same way when DH and I were unsuccessfully TTC. She is probably trying to put off having to outwardly show nothing but happiness for you when she is dying inside.

[PanDahlia]

WhereYouLeftIt When I say 'I'm sure it's something important' I mean she usually has lots of free time so avoiding meet ups etc must mean something important is going on for her to be AWOL. Of course I always ask her how she is, what's going on etc when I call her. I think people have got the impression here I don't care what's going on with her, of course I do but she hasn't told me anything about what might be happening and I haven't pushed the issue.
I'll just text her.

[fatowl]

Even without the TTC angle, I think you are being a bit precious. Just TELL people, no need for all the "announcements" and "gifts from the baby".

I don't do fuss very well, that sort of thing is my worst nightmare. I've had 4 MCs and had to keep my last three PGs completely secret until 16 weeks because of MILs love of "announcements". She held a surprise "announcement" party for me and dh when I was just 8 weeks (the week after we'd told her we'd been for an early scan. I'd had two MCs previously and we'd not even told DD4 at that point. I lost that baby at 13 weeks and everyone knew, everyone at her church, extended family etc, and they were all giving me useful advice about what to do different next time, and how things were meant to be, and my favourite "you can always have another one".
I was far better being left to grieve privately, and being pushed into public grief was a nightmare. Pre-FB days, thank God!

^
Sorry not really relevant- apologies for the hijack!

Wasn't there another thread recently about a poster in turmoil about her dh wanting to tell his mum before her mum (was going to be a few hours later I think- pure logistics, but it was turning into a major issue)

[Kafri]

My DSis told me she was expecting the day after I'd had my 5 day blast implanted after ivf treatment. Not exactly what I wanted to hear at that particular time (although, obviously I was pleased for her). It was hard to hear while I was doing the 2ww to see if treatment had worked.

Just saying, you don't know what's going on with them, either ttc or other 'event' so I'd avoid the big announcement and just pass on the news.

[ComposHat]

FFS. ..

Just phone your sister. Forget the palaver and 'family tradition.' For whatever reason she doesn't want to participate in this ritual, it could be that she is ttc or has miscarried or simply finds it daft. Either way call her and try and tell her aa sensitively as possible and with the minimum of rigmarole. Then let her response guide your response.

Let this be a lesson some people take a lifetime to learn: your baby isn't the centre of their universe.

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

Teabellie. It's called colloquial speech. Get over it

[aurynne]

Another one here who can't stand all the fuss and drama about "we are getting pregnant" parties. Everyone understands it is a big deal for you and your husband, but some people don't really care that much over the initial "Great, congratulations!". If someone insisted so much to get me to attend a family meeting, I put all my life on hold to be there and I was confronted with a pompous pregnancy announcement and "gifts from the baby" I would most likely find it vomit-inducingly naff and a waste of time.

Sorry, I am sure this is not what you want to hear, but you did ask for opinions, and this is my honest one.

[IDontDoIroning]

That.

I'm sorry you sound like a nice person but not everyone (in fact nobody else) is going to be as interested in your pregnancy as you and your dh, and your DM and dmil.

She may either
A just not be interested enough to make this meet up after all she probably has found out by now.
B struggling to ttc and has no desire to be around someone celebrating a pregnancy as again she probably knows by now.

[Delphiniumsblue]

I never understand why people name such a big deal, just phone her.

[givemeaclue]

Op you have been ttc for 14 months so can understand why you are excited. She may have been ttc for 5 years for all you know, she may have had mcs or Ivf. I would be more concerned about my sis and what's going on in her life if I was you, switch attention to her for a minute?

I am another one who doesn't like to make a drama out of letting people know I was pg, perhaps because I had years and years of ttc.

[Newsofaarrived]

We tried for over 6 years - that's over 72 months of disappointment.

My brother didn't bother trying to understand, said very hurtful things over that 6 year period, including the gleeful announcement of his wife's pregnancy at 3 WEEKS despite knowing our problems.

He is no longer part of my life.

Tread carefully . . . . .

And congratulations - it's wonderful when they do finally arrive :-)

[magpiegin]

Just call her. I agree with the others, big announcements are just tacky, it is very exciting for you and nice news for others but they won't be as excited as you.

My husband and I are having a baby and we dreaded telling people, it was nice just us knowing but everyone's different.

[Floggingmolly]

I know everyone's different; but... Your baby is due in November?
So you're 8 weeks gone and you're showering your family with gifts from the baby?
As a veteran of five miscarriages, this makes me feel very uneasy.

[WhatsTheWordHummingbird]

I really dont understand it when people think a BFP is top news for others. As above, it wouldnt surprise me if your DSIS is ttc herself.

[FrancesGlass]

My thoughts exactly, Flogging.

Going through the pain and disappointment of multiple MCs taught us to wait until I was well into the 2nd trimester before making any announcements. And even then we only made an effort to tell our immediate families (@ 16weeks) - everyone else found out as we saw them over the next few months and/or as they guessed once I was obviously huge pregnant. It was quite fun to do it that way - meeting up with a friend or friends I hadn't seen in months and leading my entrance with an enormous belly!

Hope your sister is okay.