AIBU to be angry with DD for reading my book

[Serendipity30]

Just caught DD sneakily reading my book 'Angela's Ashes'. She is 9 and in my view too young to deal with the themes in her book. Ideas please on how to address this with her tom as she is now asleep.

[Serendipity30]

Thanks for all your responses folks, its given me food for thought.

[Serendipity30]

poster MoominIsWaitingToMeetHerMiniMe Just to say DD liked the suitcase kid, the illustrated mum and hetty heather

[Delphiniumsblue]

At that age I think they only read it if they understand it and some parts pass over their head. I would keep it very low key, had my mother made a great fuss I would have been determined to find out, but would have just been more careful so that she didn't find out.

[BuggersMuddle]

Another one who was reading Stephen King at that age.

I had friends who weren't allowed to read 'adult' books until they were 16. Now that was sad. My 14 year old friend's parents returning my copy of The Shining to me with a stern warning that I wouldn't be allowed to visit if I continued to share 'adult material'

I'd talk to her about the book itself to be honest and you'll be able to gauge what she can understand. If your book collection tends towards the steamy then instigate a rule whereby books that aren't hers are chosen together?

Having said that, I found 'Children of the Dust' (teen fiction) infinitely more disturbing read a couple of years early than reading 'The Rats' while still at primary school.

[DeWe]

When I was about 7 or 8 I took a book from the bookshelf to read. It was about the same size as a ladybird book (but with many more pages) so I assumed it to be a child's book.

It was "Corrie Ten Boom". If you don't know it, it's an autobiography of a lady who was in a concentration camp (where her sister and dad died) for hiding Jews during WWII. Dm was fairly horrified to find me reading it, I think, but what she did do is sit down and talk about it.

Although it covers some horrific stuff, the bit I remember from it is afterwards. Corrie is giving a talk in Germany after the war. And someone comes to approach her after the talk, and holds his hand out to her. She looks him in the face and recognises him as one of the SS officers from the camp. Initially she feels she can't shake hands with him, but then takes his hand and forgives him.
There's other bits from the book I remember-but that is the bit that I remember best.

[RhinestoneCowgirl]

I have a DS who is 7.5 but has reading age well above that. We have lots of books on our shelves and we've told him he's welcome to read what he wants, but that there may be some books that have things in that would scare him/that he wouldn't understand, so maybe best to check with me or DH first. It's not a case of giving him 'permission' though...

He's aware that once he's read something, and got an image in his head, it's sometimes hard to forget, so I've found he's pretty sensible about what he reads.

[serin]

My DS (11yrs) has just finished 'Game of thrones' we only realised he had read it when he walked into the sitting room, handed it back to his 17 year old sister and said "thanks, that was amazing ".

[ThatsMyOnlyShirt]

I loved Maeve Binchy books when I was about your DD's age. Having re-read as an adult I realised some stuff just went over my head. I suspect it may be similar for your daughter.

I couldn't get through Angela's Ashes as a teen or an adult, so perhaps she'd only just picked it up?

[whois]

I remember when I was 10 telling my teacher I had been reading Flowers in the Attic. My teacher was extremely surprised to say the least. But I just thought it was a sad book about some poor children and thought I was very grown up being able to read one of my mum's books.

I still shudder when I remember reading (well, listening) those books! Think there were two of them? I got them on tape audiobook when the library sold them off super cheap and I listened to them on long car journeys. Horrible horrible books.

[IAmNotAPrincessIAmAKahleesi]

I read 'adult' books from a very young age too, and yes reading should be encouraged

But actually I don't think YABU hakuna

I have several books that I wouldn't want my younger children reading and while I try to keep those out of reach I do prefer it when they check first. Apart from the disturbing serial killery ones I also have a stash of filthy porn erotic fiction that was recommended to me by other mn'ers

My 8 year old dd would be capable of reading Angela's ashes but it would probably upset her massively and play on her mind for months, she isn't mature enough to cope with the fall out and so I would prefer her not to read it, one of my boys at that age would have been fine with it so it's individual to each child imo and if you feel she's not ready then she's probably not

[Stripyhoglets]

I was allowed free access to the bookshelves when I was young, I won't be quite so liberal with my DD as a couple of things I found quite disturbing, but I was older than9 at the time anyway. So YABU to be angry, YANBU to want to restrict her access to some books.

[BreconBeBuggered]

There's no easy way of assessing what might upset a child. I used to read 'adult books' at that sort of age; mostly James Herriot and mildly scary/sexy stuff my mum's friend had lent her and she hadn't got around to looking at. They had no more lasting effect on me than Enid Blyton. It was Little Women that traumatised me. I had to hide it at the back of the cupboard so I wouldn't come across it accidentally.

[ThornOfCamorr]

Agree completely with stripy- I read Rambo at a ridiculously young age because it was on my dads bookshelf. I was so young. I made the same mistake with a couple of books myself,eldest DD read them far too young but never told me until she was an adult. We laughed about it but I felt awful. Great books but definitely not suitable for a 7 year old. We have so many books I couldn't possibly keep track of them but I will be making a concerted effort with the two younger dd's. I work in the world of books and until I had children I too was of the opinion that if they can read it then they are old enough to do so. I have changed my mind particularly as the content of young adult books has taken a massive leap compared to what I was reading at 12. It's made me think about what my children have access to!

[DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen]

There's nothing in Angela's Ashes that can't be discussed with a 9 year old iirc.

Definitely don't agree with the 'if she can read it she's old enough' ether are lots of books totally unsuitable for certain ages,I just don't believe this is one of them.

Ds would've been able to read just about anything at 6 or 7, there was no way I'd let him crack on with Stephen King etc!

[ThornOfCamorr]

Me too notnowbernard because its rubbish!!

[foreverondiet]

Hmmm - I'd be so happy DD (aged 10) was reading that I'd just leave it, unless something completely unsuitable, say 50 Shades - so totally unsuitable books shouldn't be left around.

My view is that my DC are welcome to read whatever they like in our house. I wouldn't be angry - unless she'd found a hidden book.

[sashh]

She's reading, she obviously likes reading.

I'm another who had a reading age off the scale, for me reading is something I HAVE to do.

I have been known to read shampoo bottles in the bath because I didn't have a book (pre kindle days).

I can't remember what I was reading at 9, probably rereading something because we didn't go to the library, but by 11 I was making my wa through George Orwell.

[minglemanglemunchkin]

I loved history and devoured books about how children in other times lived at that age. Books like Twopence to cross the Mersey and the cheap paperback wartime books. I can't remember what age I was when I read AA but I just checked the synopsis and realised there are some references to forced sex etc. I wouldn't be worried about the sad/depressing tone. My mum was very laid back and funnily enough it is the books she suggested I didn't read which I remember most vividly - I remember one conversation about The Camomile Lawn. Interestingly though she was very strict about films (I ended up not watching dirty dancing until I was 15, when a lot of my school friends had seen it much earlier). I went through a stage of borrowing teen romances from the library. The books that shocked me most was a contraband copy of Forever by Judy Blume, which another school friend pinched from her sister when we were about 9/10. I still think it is one of the most graphic and cringeworthy books I have ever read. I tended to avoid teen fiction after that. I felt safer with books my mum or grandmas has read.
Finally I remember my mum forcing me to read 'of mice and men' in the summer holidays before I was due to study it at school at the age of 13/14. As she predicted, it traumatised me and I sobbed / had nightmares for days, as I have a brother with learning disabilities. She spoke with the school and asked if I could study a different text, which they agreed. The more I think of it now, the more I admire my parents approach to books and learning. It is a minefield but I felt trusted and able to discuss anything (bar Judy Blume) with them.

[StillSeekingSpike]

'Goodnight Mr Tom' has graphic descriptions of emotional and physical abuse of a child- as well as the death of a baby starved because of the miother's mental illness. It's a wonderful book but hardly 'sweet'.

[kentishgirl]

I think Goodnight Mr Tom is more challenging/upsetting than Angela's Ashes.

In Goodnight Mr Tom the abuse of the children is deliberate - the mother beats them, starves them etc.

Angela's Ashes is a story of a loving, funny, intelligent family pulling together and doing their best in a difficult environment. I think it has a very positive message overall. It's not a misery memoir.

[Delphiniumsblue]

Goodnight Mr Tom is a wonderful book. DS had it read to him at school in year 6, he used to give me a daily instalment, he was so engrossed in it that I had to read it myself.

[Alibabaandthe40nappies]

Isn't it part of growing up, reading things which aren't deemed 'age appropriate'?

I used to read all kinds as a child, and reading something which you aren't quite ready for opens your mind and expands your horizons in a very safe way.

My five year old picked up a James Bond novel the other day and started reading. He got about a page and a half in before declaring it boring and 'not like the films' - of which incidentally he has watched a very carefully chosen two!
Self-moderation works.

I have now told him that he can look at any books in the house (all the erotic stuff is on kindles ), and that he can come and ask us about them if there is anything he doesn't understand or finds upsetting/scary.

OP - it sounds like you are trying to control the things she thinks about still, which you can't do once they can really read. It smacks uncomfortably of censorship. You certainly haven't reacted well to having your view challenged here, which suggests that this is more your issue than anything to do with your daughter.

[chrome100]

I was a very advanced reader and read all sorts of stuff at her age - woman's own, adult books from the library, the Guardian. It didn't do me any harm and taught me about life. I think YABU, she's 9, not a baby.

[Delphiniumsblue]

I read massively as a child and found it liberating. Once you can read you are free, you are not reliant on parents and you can form your own views.
A controlling mother just makes you a bit more devious and secretive!