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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to tell dh that i hold him fully responsible if dd has an injury on the stairs?

116 replies

LunchLadyWannabe · 17/03/2014 10:29

Im really mad at the moment.

Me and dh have a dd who's 17 months.

We have a stair gate at the bottom of the stairs (not at the top due to it not being needed as dd does not walk around upstairs).

Dh is leaving the stair gate open around 3 times a day. This is due to his work phone going off and hes rushing to get to it when its upstairs, rushing to the loo etc etc

Dh sometimes justifies leaving the gate open saying dd was in her highchair so he didn't need to close it straightaway.

I always close it whenever i open it, its automatic for me.

However at least once a day dd climbs the stairs unattended because the gate has been left open.

Yesterday i came into the lounge after clearing up the kitchen, and couldn't see dd. Surprise surprise the baby gate was open!

Dd was sat on the landing at the top of the stairs with her doll in her arms. So dd had climbed upstairs, gone into her room, took the doll off the chair, and was trying to make her way back down!!!

I ve told dh that dd will break her neck falling down the stairs and he obviously doesn't give a shit about her safety!

He says i shouldn't have a go at him and he's sorry he makes mistakes and forgets things!

I told him that once is a mistake, twice is deliberate,and three times is just bloody irresponsible!

His response is that i should always check the baby gate is closed!!!!

Argh!

AIBU?

OP posts:
MeepMeepVrooom · 17/03/2014 14:15

Another for the teaching her to come down safely. My DD has always gone on her but but have been told it's actually safer to teach them to come backwards

WTFlike · 17/03/2014 14:16

Push him down the stairs. He might remember then.

(joking)
(maybe)

MeepMeepVrooom · 17/03/2014 14:16

Bum but*

sebsmummy1 · 17/03/2014 14:26

It's not up to a toddler to navigate a staircase on their own. Of course, with adult guidance, they should be encouraged to bottom shuffle each step or come down backwards. But I think it would be ridiculous to assume they have the mental capacity at that age to concentrate on the task and understand the jeopardy associated with it.

gnushoes · 17/03/2014 14:32
  1. your DH is being ridiculous
  2. We taught our DD to come down the stairs safely as soon as she could crawl (our house has lots of stairs: it was physically impossible to gate them all). We taught her to lie on her tummy, head up, and move down carefully. She got adept at sliding down on tummy using one foot as a brake. Terrifyingly fast, eventually, but safe wherever she went. Never had a stair accident with 3 of them using same method.
DontWannaBeObamasElf · 17/03/2014 14:36

I've just tried to teach LittleElf for the first time. She wasn't keen going backwards so tried the bum method but she'd stand, shuffle then go on her bum. How long did it take everyone to teach their babies/toddlers? She's 16 months.

Artandco · 17/03/2014 14:36

How do half of you think people survived before stair gates?

soontobeslendergirl · 17/03/2014 14:38

Who has actually said here that the OPs 17 month old should be given free run of the house and should be doing the stairs by herself without supervision? Clearly I have missed something here.

The concensus seems to be that the OPs OH should be remembering to close the gate, that there are other gates that would be an alternative and that it would be good to teach and regulary allow the child to come down safely so that in the event of her gaining access by herself accidentally, she would have the skills to decend safely. If she is using that skill often enough then it will start to become routine.

All children are different and have different development stages but most people on the thread have tauht children a fair bit younger to do this so it is perfectly possible and likely that the OPs daughter would be able to manage.

Fifyfomum · 17/03/2014 14:38

I would not recommend the bum method at all. If they topple they will topple forward. Being on their back means they topple into the stair they are facing.

ZenGardener · 17/03/2014 14:38

Well, some didn't. Or they survived but were badly injured.

DontWannaBeObamasElf · 17/03/2014 14:40

But how do you get them to do it? Just by copying? I put her on her front but she just climbed back up Grin

soontobeslendergirl · 17/03/2014 14:44

yes, get them to copy you and tug them down a bit if necessary :)

Fifyfomum · 17/03/2014 14:44

You gently pull their ankles down onto the next step and then the next and then give them a big round of applause at the bottom

I think I did it twice with mine, took them to the top of the stairs and taught them how to back onto the stairs and then went just ahead of them and went down. They wanted to follow me so they did it themselves. Very easy to teach.?

Mycatistoosexy · 17/03/2014 14:49

My DS (20m) can walk up stairs and slide down on his own no problem. Would I feel comfortable leaving the gate open as 'he knew how to do it safely', god no!

He knows how to get off the sofa too but I've seen him head dive off randomly like a loon quite a few times

Mycatistoosexy · 17/03/2014 14:52

My point being (sorry my last post was a bit pointless) is that for safety's sake, probably best just to keep gates up and shut for a while yet.

NaturalBaby · 17/03/2014 15:00

When are you going to teach her to get herself down the stairs properly? If she's reliant on safety devices all the time then how/when is she going to learn how to do things safely? At the moment she sees gate closed = not allowed up, and gate open = allowed up.

DontWannaBeObamasElf · 17/03/2014 15:25

That was easier than I thought! She did stand up and try to turn around every other step but I feel comfortable now that I'm teaching her.

NCISaddict · 17/03/2014 15:30

Somewhere there is a video of, I think, JustineMN helping a Mum teach her baby to turn round at the top of the stairs and come down on their bottom. Not sure what the programme was called, must have been about ten years ago?

I taught all my three to slide down before they could walk, they very quickly got the hang of it and slid terrifyingly fast, never fell down though apart from one time when I came down holding DD's hand, slipped and pulled her with me.Blush
The only time they got hurt was the first time each of the boys tried it without a nappy on but they managed it without bashing themselves the second time. It's really important if you plan on having a second one without a huge gap as three year olds are notorious for leaving gates open.

waterrat · 17/03/2014 15:32

er - how did people survive before stair gates? well probably lots of children had serious accidents?! what a strange question - firstly, stairs have only existed in most people's houses for probably the last couple of hundred years - if that. so for the vast majority of the tens of thousands of years humans have existed, they didn't have stairs - so it's not a 'natural' skill.

I think it's ridiculous to suggest a one year old or even a 2 year old can be trusted on stairs, I have watched my - very agile - 2 year old try to come downstairs and he only has to put a foot slightly wrong and his whole body tumbles. They simply don't have the rational sense or dexterity to be as careful as they ought to be.

A one year old has no concept of broken bones or of risk more generally - they could climb down perfectly 20 times but be distracted the 21st time by somethng and put a foot wrong.

Artandco · 17/03/2014 15:36

Ok maybe it's just me then. My 2 year old spent yesterday climbing up a tree and on zip wires. It wouldn't occur to me to still monitor him on some stairs. A stair gate would just be climbed over here

Fifyfomum · 17/03/2014 15:38

My one year old is fine on the stairs, we don't monitor him every time. If a child falls when they are facing the stairs sliding down backwards they will just hit the step in front of them. Accidents on the stairs are not at all common when the stairs have been shown to young children. More accidents happen as a result of stair gates meaning people are lax about training children about dangers, not less.

NaturalBaby · 17/03/2014 15:43

My children didn't fall down the stairs till they were much older and running/carrying things/jumping down the stairs.

Children have to figure things out for themselves by doing it themselves.

ScarlettOHaraHamilton · 17/03/2014 15:58

There's no one size fits all though, is there?

We live in an old terraced house with very steep, narrow stairs (the kind that definitely wouldn't pass building regs now) with a wooden floor at the bottom and a wall just over a foot from the end, and a a t-junction at the top leading on either side into bedrooms, with an extra step into those rooms.

At the moment I'm not even going to teach my 25mo how to use those stairs safely on her own: they are steep and dangerous so she knows not to go near them and only go up and down with someone with her. Then good gates at either end, and keep an eye to see if she wants to climb them (she won't, she won't even touch them).

If I had shallower, carpeted stairs and hallway I'd be very different.

MerryMarigold · 17/03/2014 16:05

Sounds like my house Scarlett. Except we do have a hallway at the bottom, but also a radiator. Tbh, they are much more careful when little. And if you teach them to come down backwards, the worst that could happen is that they slide down a little faster than they intended (mostly they intend to go down on their tummies as fast as poss).

Fifyfomum · 17/03/2014 16:17

We have lived in houses with incredibly narrow and steep stairs. All the more reason to teach safety on them.