to take the DCs to legoland for a weekend away whilst DH goes on yet another stag weekend?

[chillidoritos]

DH is going on a stag weekend abroad in April. He goes on lots of stag weekends and lads' weekends away whilst I'm left looking after the DC. In the summer he plays cricket every Saturday and sometimes on a Sunday too, and again I look after the DC.

I'm sick of it all quite frankly and have decided that this year I am going to do nice things with the kids whilst he's off doing his own thing. In the past we've always done all the nice stuff on weekends when he's not doing anything.

So I've decided that when he's on the stag weekend I'm going to take the DC to Lego land and stay in a hotel with them for the weekend, and really have some fun.

DH is not happy as he wants to come and says I'm being selfish by taking them there without him.

AIBU?

[JoinYourPlayfellows]

Inertia - that one really is spooky :o

[OnIlkleyMoorBahTwat]

If the DCs enjoy Legoland, I'm sure they won't mind him taking them again later and you can go off and do something fun either by yourself or with friends at the same time?

[Hassled]

FFS go - he really does have some sense of entitlement, doesn't he? Go and have fun, and keep making sure that you do fun stuff while he's off getting pissed up.

My DH tends to devote way too much of the weekend to sporting activities - in fairness, it's with the kids so it's not like I'm on childcare duties. But I still felt grumbly and hard-done-by - making the effort to get off my arse and do my own thing has made the world of difference to general weekend contentment.

[SchrodingersCake]

YANBU!

My DP is going to Burning Man this year. I'd love to go myself but we both agree we don't fancy taking DD (2y) for the foreseeable future. This trip will take him 2 weeks during peak time/school holidays. We're familiar with Lanzarote and I suggested I take DD while he was away, then we realised it was schoolhols. Ugh. Everything costs 3x.

Basically, I'm saying, do you share costs? Me, DP and DD go away twice a year but she's young enough not to worry about school hols and DP is self employed and frankly earns a fortune working on contract. I'm a wedding cake maker so have a "season".

If you think you'd be bored while your partner is away go for it! Your holiday sounds lovely. Your partner is being an arse. He doesn't want them to have any amazing camera-worthy experiences without him. In fact,I love hotels and so does DD. Fancy a partner?

[pointythings]

YANBU, he is being selfish and you should definitely go.

What a twat.

[FabBakerGirl]

Definitely not BU. if he's that desperate to go he can cancel his stag do. Thought not.

Why should you stay at home while he fucks off on another jolly? If be asking him that.

[DonkeysDontRideBicycles]

DH is not happy as he wants to come and says I'm being selfish by taking them there without him.

He wants his cake with jam on it doesn't he.

[Nerris]

YADNBU.

I think it's a great idea, why should you sit around staring at 4 walls whilst he's off on another jolly.
It's tough titty for him if he want to go to legoland too, he should have prioritised you over getting pissed with his mates.

Start as you mean to go on I say.

[ksrwr]

YANBU!!

[AgaPanthers]

YABU: can't you find somewhere better than Legoland?

How about a nice week in the sun?

www.firstchoice.co.uk/holiday/accommodation/overview/Hammamet/Holiday-Village-Manar-042165

[QueenofallIsee]

What a tool - remind him that you don't live in a cupboard only coming alive in his god-like presence and if he spends all his free time on solo hobbies, thems the breaks

[hillyhilly]

YANBU, I usually do something special with my kids if DH is away so that we're all getting a treat not just him.
I'm frequently having to explain to my DD at the moment that when she's off on a play date/ brownie camp/ whatever, DS and I will do something she might enjoy but we're not going to sit at home while she's off having fun - she's only 9 so I don't mind having to explain it but your DH is being selfish.

[fromparistoberlin]

LTB!

[BalloonSlayer]

YANBU.

My DH was a bit surprised when he came in from a day out with 1 DC and I said he needed to sort their tea because I had been out for the day too, had done tea for the other DCs, and I was tired as well.

I think he imagined I was waiting hopefully in the kitchen in my apron all day, longing for ma mans to come home so I could feed them my lovingly home-cooked fare.

On my birthday he wanted to do something with DC1 but thought he'd better cancel because it was my birthday. I said I was fine about them going. Then I mentioned that I might take the other DCs out for lunch, as it was my birthday. Feathers became ruffled! He thought we should go another day so he could be there too. I had to explain that I had no problems with him going out, but he was not going to dictate what I was going to do on my birthday.

[Creamycoolerwithcream]

I think it's a really good idea. I had a similar situation with my DH and I felt like I was kind of waiting in while he had fun. Now if he is doing a ski/stag weekend I arrange lots with the DC. We start with yummy and expensive takeaways and do fun days out. He was a bit surprised when I started doing it and a bit jealous of some of the things i arranged but I have stuck with it. I think it's been good for our relationship.

[HSMMaCM]

Sounds like a great idea. The spa weekend for yourself also sounds like a great idea.

[RiverTam]

to be perfectly honest, I can't see how living with a man who spends his weekends either whooping it up with his mates or parked in front of the TV is good for anyone's relationship, but perhaps that's just me.

[NewtRipley]

Hmm, so he's arranged for the dogs to be looked after but the children - well, you're always there as the default carer so he doesn't have to bother. He sounds like he needs a wake-up, and you need to leave him alone with the children sometimes

[Melonbreath]

Yabu.
I think you are being very selfish not entirely focusing your whole life on your dh. You should be chained to the kitchen where you belong and twiddling your thumbs until he gets back where you will welcome him home with open arms and do all of his washing whilst the poor tired dear watches TV.

Oh sorry, it isn't the 1950s anymore is it? In that case go off and do whatever you damned well please.

[expatinscotland]

I'll never understand people who put up with twats like ths.

[NewtRipley]

I have a friend in this situation. It's been going of for 13 years and basically she is a single parent

[ChasedByBees]

If he wants to go that badly he can cancel his stag weekend. Do you ever go off for weekends where he looks after the kids OP? You should.

[ISeeYouShiverWithAntici]

He's being an absolute arse

God forbid he should miss out on something.

The rest of you should hang around for his royal highness and only have any fun when he's around.

Which isn't often, because he's mostly to be found off having fun with other people.

I honestly don't know why some people even bother having a family if they don't want much to do with them.

[evertonmint]

Go for it! If he realises you are all having more fun without him (and let's face it stag dos are just about drinking and being hungover which is not that much fun - my DH always sounds weary before he's even set off when it's a stag do trip) it might just make him realise what he's missing and come and join you some more. Of course, it might do nothing of the sort but if it doesn't you're still having fun so you can't lose!

[CHJR]

Gosh, OP, you are a good mother! When my DH is away I lapse into passivity and fail to do anything fun, which is not at all fair to the children (or me, actually).