to ask dds teacher to speak to my exH about doing homework on his weekends

[terrificallytremendous]

Dd is 6. Her dad has been collecting her from school every other Friday for his contact weekend since September. She has a reading book, spellings and homework to do over the weekend and he doesn't do any of it with her. She gets upset and asks me to do it with her on Sunday evening, which I have been doing, but she's tired and should be winding down for bed at this point so it takes ages longer than it should. I've asked exH to help dd do it over the course of the weekend, but have been ignored.

It's parents evening next week and we're attending separately. Aibu to speak to dds teacher first and ask her to emphasise the importance of doing it over the weekend she's with him? Or is it my problem to deal with if he's being an arse?

[Tartanpaint]

I think you should be asking the teacher if you can do less homework. It's not essential for a 6 year old anyway. Reading is the only important thing.

[Hissy]

terrifically he CAN'T have it all his way, AND prejudice your dd education.

You must stop this situation.

You have no court order, so can vary it accordingly.

He doesn't get to set the agenda here in your life or hers.

You are the only person who can help her.

She's 6. There's bugger all homework at that age. Wait till next year, and the year after. If you don't tackle and resolve this situation now, when do you think it'll get easier to do so?

Why are you so frightened of him?

(((hug))) wish I could be there with you to put him straight. :(

[ChronicChronicles]

Reading her other threads, she's terrified of him for bloody good reasons.

[SolidGoldBrass]

But what he wants doesn't matter. He cannot force you to do anything, at present: there is no court order. Abusive men often threaten court in order to get t heir own way, but firstly they may not actually want to bother with starting proceedings and secondly, a court will not just automatically award them what they want.
If he is harassing you and there is a history of abuse you can go to court and get restraining orders etc which will force him to keep away from you and restrict his contact with DD to supervised only.

[clam]

Look, why don't you pop in after school one day this week and have a word with the teacher. Explain the situation. Say that you cannot control what happens when your dd is with her father, you can only ensure that homework is completed when she's with you, so that may mean it's done fortnightly, unless she can let you hand it in a day or two late after one of his weekends.
If a parent said that to me, I'd say, "Of course, I understand," particularly if we're talking about a 6 year old who frankly shouldn't be getting homework at that age anyway, apart from reading.

Then let him talk his way out of it

[terrificallytremendous]

He will 100% start proceedings if I change arrangements. He's told me he will always stick around to spite me. He isn't harassing me at present. I don't do what he wants, he has one or two weekends contact per month only - it isn't much but I also think it therefore cause as much disruption to dd as it does.

I'm going to speak to the teacher saying what clam said. If he continues keeping her belongings then will change contact from Friday school to Friday tea time.