Hi,
Our first baby is due in 5 weeks. My husband and I are really excited and have prepared as much as possible.
However, more recently I've started to feel a bit smothered by the constant advice and tips from my in laws. I'm starting to feel really pressured.
My mother-in-law was even expecting to sleep over during the first few nights after the baby is here even though she lives locally! My husband is really supportive and has been assertive with his mother.
I just wondered if anyone had any experience or advice to help me to get through this period? I can see that it might be worse when the baby is here as it is their first grandchild! Particularly as they have a habit of turning up at our house unannounced!!
Please help!
Thank you! :-)
AIBU?
How to be assertive with visitors?
shahs010 · 23/02/2014 18:46
Thanks again for your advice and support
I have devised a top 10 tips list from the posts received and from my own reflections, for myself and for others that may feel the same as I do:
- Be polite and courteous to all visitors, it's their first grandchild so they're excited! Remember though courtesy works both ways.
- No means no - stick to your guns. Use the broken record technique if visitors are not listening or respectful of the time and space you.
- Give an allocated time slot and make sure both you and your visitor sticks to it e.g. 30 minutes and be confident in saying when their time is up.
- Be decisive.
- Have positive and assertive body language, upright posture etc.
- Get husband/partners support to back you up.
- Be careful of the level if information you disclose to them...keep the boundaries of your relationship clear.
- Use strong and clear language. Stand up for yourself and your right time have your boundaries respected. It's not your responsibility to protect their feelings, they're old enough to look after themselves.
- Speak in the first person.
10. If all else fails, lock your front door, close the curtains and turn off your phone! Just because someone is at the door, does not mean that we automatically "have to" answer it!
As with all things I believe that it is important to achieve a balance. I believe that each person has the right to have their boundaries respected.
Much love and hugs Xx
Well done OP! That list should go in classics 
And to those not listening for the brazillionth time - we are not talking about shuttting family out 
I'd suggest you work on being assertive & confident all the time rather than simply with visitors. Reason being that others, if they sense any self-doubt or weakness on your part, are more likely to barrel in and push you to one side. "The poor dear can't cope!!!... I'll have to rescue the baby!!!" is their rationale.
Pick one really good friend (preferably one with a baby) to confide in if you're having any baby-related issues (or your HV, GP or even MN) but, to the rest of the world, cultivate a façade of 100% confidence and self-assurance. Tell your DH to back you up on this and present a united front... you don't want him going crying to Mummy that there are any problems or she'll see it as a green light to take over 
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.