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AIBU?

To not help out at cubs

41 replies

Idocrazythings · 15/02/2014 10:51

Hardly anyone has volunteered and I feel guilty, we are doing the catering for a formal awards event. I am somehow on the committee.

They want help on the Sunday from about 9-1130. I am going out the night before to a lovely friends 40th. And then have to work the following afternoon at 2pm, my work can be unpredictable and often very busy and I don't always get a break. The awards thing is about 15 min from my work but at least 40min from my home. So I don't want to go help then either go home for 30 min then straight back out to work after being home for under an hour, or hang around for 2 1/2 hours in the area.

Plus we have DC to collect from grandparents after our night out. I plan on driving and DH will have a few drinks. I don't really want him to not have a few drinks just to go help at cubs either, because he works hard all week and hardly ever goes out. not sure how keen he'd be to make, and serve sandwiches to about 400 people either

Are these just excuses and I'm being mean or quite legitimate?

OP posts:

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Adikia · 16/02/2014 03:17

How long til the event? so long as you'd be giving the leaders more than a weeks notice that you can't do it then no you are not unreasonable, it's clearly not a convenient day for you and most leaders will understand that (I say this as a Rainbow leader).

However, if you've known about it for weeks and are letting them down at the last minute then that would be unreasonable.

Abbierhodes · 16/02/2014 00:23

Oh my goodness I can't believe the hard time you're getting! You are out on the evening before (for a special occasion) and then working on the afternoon. You can't help out. Simple.
Help the next time! And don't feel guilty, many people don't help at all.

Tinpin · 15/02/2014 23:16

That's a bit harsh natwebb I never mentioned OP sitting on her arse. I said she obviously cared and to try to help if she could.Since you see fit to mention your job I will also drop in that I was a teacher with 3 children whilst running my Brownie pack. That was my choice. I wouldn't expect others to do that. However if your child takes part in the weekly meetings and residential holidays I in my voluntary role organise for him/ her, I would very much hope that you would see fit to give up the odd Saturday afternoon to help. It can be fun as well you know!

natwebb79 · 15/02/2014 21:31

Tinpin - from what the OP has said she hardly sits on her arse expecting others to do everything for her without helping in return. And to be honest as a full time teacher with management responsibilities I will be avoiding any activities where parents are expected to give up their weekends. I often work a 50+ hour week as it is and would quite like to relax a bit. I had no idea these things were such a minefield!

hugoagogo · 15/02/2014 16:21

I am glad my dc have never gone to cubs.

YANBU If you don't want to then don't go

verdiletta · 15/02/2014 16:20

You're already doing your bit on the committee, and it would mess up your plans to help at this thing. YANBU.

Joysmum · 15/02/2014 16:07

But least those on committees do more than those that don't.

Dinosaurporn · 15/02/2014 15:19

Exactly Tinpin.

As for the OP being on the committee, committees are just like every other group of people, some members do loads whilst others don't.

Tinpin · 15/02/2014 15:11

As long as you don't expect other people to volunteer run lots of events in their free time for your child natweb avoid as much as you like.

natwebb79 · 15/02/2014 15:03

Jeeze, why shouldn't the bloke be able to do what he bloody wants at the weekend?! when you're knackered after a hard week you might just want to chill out with your family. My DS is only 2 but this thread is teaching me a lot about what to avoid like the plague in future...

Whyjustwhy · 15/02/2014 14:43

I really don't think you should feel 'guilted' into helping, and even less that you should feel you have to send your DH.
How about a compromise, sorry, can't help on the Sunday, but happy to help set up on Saturday, or help with the catering on Saturday, if needed.

Then help at the next event.

But if your DC aren't even involved in the Sunday event, then really don't worry.

Tinpin · 15/02/2014 14:40

There are people who help and people that don't. In my 34 years as a guider I have come to understand that it has nothing to do with how busy you are. The busiest people are often those that find time to do a bit more. My pet hate is the 'I have young children excuse'- yes most of us did or do. You obviously care because you are concerned about your contribution. Try to help if you can. The Scouters will be really grateful and you may find a whole new circle of friends.

Joysmum · 15/02/2014 14:37

YANBU for the reasons you stated.

You are already giving up time by being on the committee, so you're clearly already trying to give back. I'm sure you'll do lots in the future too.

Idocrazythings · 15/02/2014 14:34

Wow! I am giving up my time! I'm on the committee. I just can't attend this one fundraiser. They'll be many more I can and will attend.

Anyway I have decided I am not being unreasonable to not help this time. I am going to do my best to get DH to go as I know they will struggle to get help. Thank you everyone e for your points of view to help me get this in perspective.

OP posts:

Dinosaurporn · 15/02/2014 14:27

Sounds the me like the DH with his "high powered" job, thinks it's all beneath him...

JerseySpud · 15/02/2014 14:02

Yabu. People give up their time to organize and run scouting for you. You just need to give up a little of your time to help. It is free!!

Chippednailvarnish · 15/02/2014 13:35

You asked "am I being reasonable?", I think you are. No need to get all huffy about it!

Idocrazythings · 15/02/2014 13:29

Ok, thanks chipped nice that you have such an insight into my life. I'm not going to bicker the point back and forth with you, but I am going to talk to DH, as I do actually agree with you on that, that he should help out too. And hopefully can get him to go. This function, though, is for fundraising. Our group is organising catering for this awards thing that none of our group are actually getting an award (that I'm aware of). Had I more notice I would have been able to arrrange my work differently.

OP posts:

pussycatdoll · 15/02/2014 13:25

parents expect nice events and all the extras

I honestly don't

I'd rather the ptfa didn't put on a disco at 3pm on a Monday after school that the kids feel bad if they can't attend
I'd rather just donate £20 a year or whatever

Chippednailvarnish · 15/02/2014 13:14

As I said OP, it's your choice, as long as you accept the same excuses from other people when it impacts on your Dcs.

As for you running to help your friends and never leaving work on time, I think you'll find that most people have it exactly the same. It doesn't make you any different from anyone else, if your not happy with that it's not the cubs fault.

Anyway it's not like you are a single parent, there doesn't seem to be any real reason why your DP can't step up.

Tryharder · 15/02/2014 12:39

I thick your reasons are legitimate. I rarely help out at stuff because I have 3 young children(1 preschool) and work full time often in the evenings and nights.

I think it's very easy to complain that other parents do nothing when you are a SAHP with school age children as is the case with the mums at my DS's school.

HappyMummyOfOne · 15/02/2014 12:26

Its like the PTA, parents expect nice events and all the extras for the children yet you can come up with a list of the half a dozen parents that will actually help out.

For cubs, brownies etc it should be part of the rules of joining. If you want your children to have the activity then it should be mandatory to help. Leaving it to others is selfish.

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Idocrazythings · 15/02/2014 12:25

chipped. I joined the committee within a few weeks of dd joining- but they didn't want me actively involved until the new year. I'm always helping at DC school. I never leave work on time. If a friend needs me I rush to help them. At school as a child I was the one who always did all the group work. I've just recently realised that about myself. I'm not making excuses I'm trying to work out the best thing to do without over committing myself. I'm fed up of being the one who "always puts their hand up", but I feel guilty about feeling like that.

OP posts:

Idocrazythings · 15/02/2014 12:19

In a perfect world everyone would be like that mothra but not everyone is. DH does have a high powered job and is gone for at least 11 hours every day, often business trips away too, but yes, he probably could do more in all honesty. I will talk to him and see how he feels about going.

OP posts:

Chippednailvarnish · 15/02/2014 12:16

It just seems to be excuse after excuse OP, which is fine as long as you accept that there will come a time when people who can't be arsed will directly impact upon an activity involving your DCs.

Swings and roundabouts really.

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