Another PIL's thread, advice required.

[NewYorkDeli]

Hi,

So many PIL's/MIL's thread today, so apologies.

Ok, MIL asks to have DD once a week (she'd like to have her more but I think one day a week is sufficient) It's not free childcare, I don't work on the day MIL takes her out, however I have started a College course on the day.

MIL is not in the best of health, gets tired easily, suffers with angina. DD has just turned 4 and is well out of her tantrums with me, but still throws the odd one for MIL as she refuses to discipline her, no matter how many times i'd tell her i'd like her too. Due to MIL's health, FIL insists of going out with them once a week. They are both retired and I really don't think FIL wants to go out with them, he seems frustrated at having to do so.

Yesterday an incident took place. They where crossing the road and DD wanted to press the button at the traffic lights as MIL said she could, FIL said "no, let's cross while we can" DD threw a strop once they'd crossed the road (not whilst they where crossing) this caused FIL to scoop her up from behind, under her arms, causing her coat to start choking her. She became distressed as he was shouting and it was hurting her.

FIL didn't return home with MIL and DD, he stormed off home in the car. MIL tried to play it down a little as DD was telling me Grandad had hurt her, she said she doesn't want him to take her out anymore, only MIL. MIL agreed that he often loses his temper on their days out and she'd rather he didn't go.

I'm angry that he's hurt my DD, even though it was unintentional, but I don't want to cause a rift. I feel sorry for MIL as she wants to take DD on all these days out and I don't think she's well enough to do so without supervision. DP doesn't want to upset his Mum by insisting she only takes her local or just stays in our home with DD, basically he won't upset his Mum or Dad no matter what.

There's been so many things with inlaws that I am sick of it all. What would you do? I don't want to hurt anyone and no matter what I do I come off as the unreasonable one. All I know is I don't want FIL taking DD out anymore. What shall I do? What's the best solution?

[CarolineKnappShappey]

I would say that due to health problems My own DM does not go out along busy roads to town with DS2. He is a bolter, and she cannot move very well.

[NewYorkDeli]

thanks for all replies guys.

Caroline so, do i ask her would she prefer to stay local or just in our home, or do i tell her? it's so tricky. i don't know MIL's exact health issues, how she really feels etc.. she always say's she is fine, so it's difficult for me to see what boundaries need to be set.

[CarolineKnappShappey]

Can you manage the days at all? E.g. Sign DD up for a local activity that granny could do with her? Like Little Gym?

Or tell her that DD is going through an unsettled phase and just wants to do x,y,z?

Or another approach is to say; "Dd is tiring you out, she's happy just going to the park. Please don't feel you have to do big things."

Or tell her the truth!

Or tell her that as your DD is going to school in 6 months, she's not having her for a full day a week.