to think that being "sick" is not an excuse to be lazy?

[DontGiveAwayTheHomeworld]

And since I can't spend the day on the sofa when I'm ill, DH shouldn't be able to either? Because I'm sick of him watching tv and whinging about being ill when there's NOTHING WRONG WITH HIM!

[DontGiveAwayTheHomeworld]

aw11 he was welcome to spend the day in bed. Yesterday he did (he was more tired than sick) and he's fine today. Went to work and everything!

I just don't like him flopping on the sofa and expecting me to take care of him. I have enough to do during the day. He's an adult, he can take care of himself!

[MsLT]

aw11 You poor love.

[aw11]

Oh dear....

my missus is the same as most of you lot. I had horrible horrible headache, earache and chest infection about three weeks ago. I explain this to the gf who shows no sympathy whatsoever with my requests for a day in bed etc.

Two days later she gets the same thing and can't move an inch!

[BasketzatDawn]

Just to clarify, I think it was 'the boyman who cried wolf' a bit too often here that created the confusion back then too..

[BasketzatDawn]

Years ago my dh had a touch of 'man flu'. Or so I thought. I felt quite annoyed with him for making a fuss. He had a bit of a cough, was losing weight, but he kept going. Sort of. In my (sort of) defence the DC were all under 8 1/2, my dying mother and my dad were needing support, ds4 was only 5 months, I was on mat leave (from my work as a respiratory nurse - oops!,) but was studying. 'frazzled' doesn't describe it fully. The afternoon the GP phoned to speak to DH about his blood tests (which showed atypical pneumonia) and to ask about swollen legs, etc., I'd sent dh out to collect ds3 from nursery. At least the GP hadn't twigged either.

He's had several bouts of 'proper' man flu since but I'm always a bit more cautious about opining on the subject. Just telling you what happened, not casting aspersions on anyone's story. Aspersions, I love that word. Can't get enough of it. Aspersions.

[clam]

I think with many men, they hear you say "Oh my head is thumping," or "I think I'm starting a cold," and a warning klaxon goes off in their heads, and they think, "hang on, if she's ill, then I'm going to kop for all her chores and get lumbered with the kids too. Better get my claim for being more ill in quick."

[boschy]

what IS it about men and medication??? got a cold = taking cold&flu remedy and then getting on with stuff in my book. but in DH's book, that would be a sign of weakness and therefore he feels like shite and likes to tell us all about it...

[CalamitouslyWrong]

But no one on this thread is talking about people who are really ill. We're talking about our partners taking the piss and expecting masses of sympathy for having a bit of a sniffle (for which they refuse to take anything). This particularly grates when we get no sympathy or time to rest when we are ill because we are expected to just get on with life or mr manflu has decided that he is, in fact, 'iller' and needs to sit playing videogames all day while we get on with life as normal and look after them.

Unless you've experienced a partner who starts making 'ow, ow' noises for no bloody reason other than wanting attention when you involuntarily sigh because your arthritic joints don't like you trying to get up from the floor, or who announces that he always gets the same colds worse (given the maturity of this, it should probably be 'worserer') than you because he's flailing around pretending he's dying and refusing to drink a Lemsip or take a paracetamol, then you probably can't understand why other people might not have any sympathy.

Clearly some people haven't understood the boy who cried wolf story (hard stare at DH).

I have plenty of sympathy when my children are ill because they do not behave like this. If they started with any of this nonsense, I would not be putting up with it.

[Latara]

A boyfriend once told me the definition of Man Flu:

It's either - an excuse to get out of things,

a cold,

a hangover,

or rarely proper flu / gastric flu.

[DontGiveAwayTheHomeworld]

YY, it's one thing when it's proper illness, then I do what I can to help him feel better. But he's well enough to spend the whole day catching up on tv (which I can't watch because I'm busy) - that grates on the nerves a little bit.

[Mordirig]

I look after DH when he is sick enough to need looking after, but when he is 'ill' but can only give me vague answers about what's wrong and puts on the 'voice' but is capable of playing his ps3 and going on his laptop whilst getting in my way and leaving me to do everything and refusing to take buggar all to make him feel better then it gets a wee bit tiring and annoying.

[GoodnessIsThatTheTime]

Shatners - exactly!

Waiting ' I think that's really lovely :) you sound a very loving couple. Often its the little things that show you care.

[ShatnersBassoon]

Goodness, my mum is exactly the same. She thinks ill people are nothing but malingerers. She doesn't even refer to people's illnesses, as if by acknowledging it you're encouraging them. She won't admit to ever being ill herself either, and the times she can't deny it it's always "Oh this? It's nothing! Everyone's got this at work, they're dropping like flies, but it's just a mild Black Death, no need to miss a single minute of work or to seek medical attention..."

I try to be sympathetic to anyone that says they're unwell and wants to have a little lie down on the sofa. I like having a little lie down when I'm under the weather.

[WaitingForMe]

This thread is quite sad. DH and I indulge each other when we're ill. I'm just feeling run down so I'm taking a sofa day. He'll come home, take DS, cook dinner and do the chores I can't face.

I keep homemade chicken stock in the freezer so I can make his favourite risotto if he texts me from work to say he's feeling a bit rough.

Neither of us are lazy but sometimes you need a lazy few days. I'd hate to not be allowed to take them when needed and to me, love is nurturing DH when he needs them.

[GoodnessIsThatTheTime]

My mother was never sympatheric when anyone was a, just irritated.

I don't want to turn out like that.

In turn I have a chronic condition and am often ill I'm glad I'm not married to some upthread!

[dashoflime]

In defence of the OP's DH:

I had a tummy bug the other day (maybe the same one) and although I only actually vomited three times, I had waves of nausea, muscle aches and dizziness whenever I tried to sit up.

[DontGiveAwayTheHomeworld]

Mordirig that was him yesterday. Made him go back to bed this morning so I could have the living room to myself It's so bloody annoying, either you're sick (so go to bed) or you're not (so go to work). Just don't get under my feet all day!

[CalamitouslyWrong]

My DH does the competitive illness thing too. If I am ill, he has to be iller (a made up word that fits with the maturity of his response). However, he refuses to take painkillers or use decongestants and anything else that would make him feel better. He'd rather sit around doing ill voice and a pathetic moaning sound.

The most annoying thing is that I have a chronic and very painful condition, so I feel terrible pretty much all the time. I don't get to consider myself ill unless I've got a virus or something on top of this. If I moan (quietly and involuntarily) while trying to do something, like pick up stuff from the floor, he will start moaning louder. Even though there is nothing wrong with him.

Oh, and he also claims that he always gets viruses etc worse than I do (I.e. When we both get something from DS2). He does not. The difference is that I take painkillers, try not to moan and just get on with things; he turns it all into a giant performance.

[Mordirig]

Are you me OP?

I finally reached my bullshit quota regarding the 'ill voice' last year and asked him why he was talking like that,,, didn't go down well at all!

Funnily enough since I called him out on it I've only heard it when his mummy phones to see how he is when he is off work, which gets the eye roll from me.

If I am sick/ill I either get on with it or I am so sick I am in bed, not laying all over the sofa hogging the T.V and asking for hot drinks every 20 mins.

[OrangeMochaFrappucino]

My husband never admits to being ill, never takes time off work or rests up at home. Luckily he is rarely ill as he just keeps on going with no complaints.

I, on the other hand, have a crappy immune system and catch everything. I'm 30 weeks pregnant and had severe sickness for the first 23 weeks and have just had a nasty cold virus type of thing. I have spent the majority of the last seven months on the sofa whilst he has been working ft, doing virtually all the housework, loads of childcare for the toddler, most of the cooking - he has never told me to 'get on with it' thank goodness! I haven't been lazy, I have been ill and if he ever catches anything I hope I will remember how good he is to me and treat him with compassion. Not all men are of the manflu martyr variety!

[Crowler]

Oh. I'm so glad I'm not the only one dealing with the "ill voice".

[DontGiveAwayTheHomeworld]

Oh god, the martyr attitude! "I'm sick, but I changed a nappy/put a wash on/did some other mild household chore, so I deserve lots of praise" not exactly a full day of housework and childcare now, is it?

And the "ill voice". It sounds so daft, especially since when he's really ill he barely talks!

[CurlyhairedAssassin]

Dh is the opposite - the worst was when he went to work on a night shift working mainly outside when his teeth were actually chattering because he was shivering so violently from a fever. He hadn't eaten anything at all for the previous 24 hours and had been in bed during the day with a terrible headache and pains in his bones and dizziness as nausea. But did he ring in sick when it was time to get up and out for his shift? No, he got up and went out and probably passed all his yucky germs ino his colleagues.

He sees taking a day off work sick as a weakness and letting his colleagues down and his mum and dad say the same "you just get on with it, don't you?"

Erm, actually - no. When you are genuinely that sick then you don't go to work and infect everyone else. You don't do your health damage. You don't put yourself and others at risk because you are so ill you aren't safe to drive. You DEFINITELY don't look down your nose when your wife gets just as severe an illness and does the sensible thing and stays in bed for a couple of days. You DEFINITELY don't moan about having to leave work early to pick the kids up from school because your wife is in bed - SICK!

Drives me bloody insane, his martyr attitude. He really sulks when I am in bed sick (which is once every couple of years now the kids are past the stage of bringing every germ home from nursery and infants school). He comes into the bedroom and doesn't even ask me how I'm feeling.

Both of us just get on with our usual day if it's a mild virus like a bad cold or a headache so why he has the need to sulk when I am genuinely ill With a nasty lurgy I have no idea.

[clam]

I hate the "ill voice" he affects. Which then disappears when the phone rings and it's someone from work.

[Latara]

At least you all have a DH / DP!