to be hurt and angry that DH lied?

[mindthegap01]

I've recently gone from working full time to starting maternity leave. Although DH still works full time our income is going to be a lot less while I'm off and he made a big thing about us needing to be really careful with money.

I arranged to have someone come and clean the oven last week and DH was not happy, said it was an extravagance we couldn't afford anymore and he'd do it himself. Fair enough - I cancelled it and got a refund.

On Saturday he went out and bought himself a new tool that apparently he's wanted for ages. He's been playing with it ever since (literally like a little boy with his favourite Christmas present ). I asked how much it cost and he said £20 with 10% off as it was ex-display. I said something like "£2 off, lol, better than nothing!" and he agreed.

Washing his jeans this morning I emptied the pockets and found the receipt. £80, not £20. For the record the oven clean would have been £60, which I agree is a lot.

Am I being unreasonable to be really pissed off and upset that he lied? Or is it just that I'm frustrated to suddenly have no money and no adults to talk to most of the time, having until recently done a really demanding job where I felt really valued. Thanks.

[HansieMom]

The tool is a Leatherman. Unless it is a fake one. There is one version of it that is small and fits on a key ring. They are made in Portland, Oregon. I used to live near Portland.

[chrome100]

People clean their ovens?

[Topseyt]

The Lakeland gel is good. Paint it on, leave it for a couple of hours and then wipe it off.

The wiping off phase does take a while, but isn't too bad.

I also found none of the acrid smell which comes with other oven cleaning products. If I were going to clean an oven myself again then this gel would be my choice.

[enriquetheringbearinglizard]

Do you know I'd dipped back into the thread and forgotten about the lie got too sidetracked, but the OP and her DH both know about that and that it's just out and out wrong.

[Elliptic5]

It's the lying that's worrying IMHO, never mind the new tool or the oven cleaning.

[enriquetheringbearinglizard]

I think everyone's getting a bit sidetracked with the various issues.

DrMaybe, I started the Lakeland Gel conversation, I think it's good. Depends of course on how long since the oven was cleaned and how big a job it is to get it to a good standard. Have always been pleased with it here.

If I had rental properties though of course I'd get someone else to do the job and charge it up as a tax deductible expense.

If I was pregnant and my DH saw a professional oven clean as an unnecessary expense, whilst at the same time treating himself to an even more costly gift, then I'd be pretty miffed.

If I was in the above situation and me and DH agreed we needed to cut our spending then I'd shop for the gel and hand it across to DH with a winning smile and offer to make him a lovely cuppa when he'd finished

To me being frugal means doing jobs that you can do yourself rather than paying for the labour and not splashing out on unnecessary items no matter how covetable they are. If the state of the oven warranted it, then I'd tell DH that a professional oven clean was money well spent (and still buy him the gel to keep it spic and span)

[VegetariansTasteLikeChicken]

I don't think it's faux shock, I would never have realised that they take the ovens apart to clean etc, ONly ever heard of it on MN. SO I would assume hour or twos work at what every you pay a cleaners hourly rate. With them using a gel thing

[ENormaSnob]

Kill him with his 80quid penknife.

I would be livid.

[perfectstorm]

You can't clean an oven to the same standard as a good professional job. They unscrew the thing and take all the panels out, clean all the areas I'd never dare to - it looks brand new. I like the Lakeland gel too, but it's nothing like a pro clean. Once every couple of years IMO it's worth every penny, if you have a good oven you want to take care of, and you hire someone really good. I really don't see that paying to look after expensive things is a waste. And I am mean about most expenses - our TV is several years old, has none of the bells and whistles, and works perfectly well so we have no intention of replacing it until we have to, for example.

Really worrying that he thinks expenses you want should be denied, and gadgets he does are fine - especially as he's lying about it. I don't like it when women do the same thing, either. A marriage is meant to be about sharing. I hope you can talk this through properly, and he does in fact clean the oven to at least a good domestic standard!

[morethanpotatoprints]

YANBU

However, I have to ask why are you both spending money on none essentials when you say you need to be careful with money.
You only cancelled the oven cleaner because your dh complained.
I think you both need to learn the difference between want and need, as your dh said he had "wanted" the tool for a long time.

So, whilst you have a right to be angry he lied to you, you are both as bad as each other and need to come up with a plan or budget.

[MadAsFish]

Agree about the faux disbelief. I see no problem at all, especially if it's one of those 'can't stand doing it' jobs. I think everyone's got one - mine is floors. I do them, but I bloody hate it.

[EssexGurl]

£60 is what you pay round here. I got ours done last year. DH also thought it was unnecessary expense but I got some money from British Gas as an apology for terrible service and used that. DH agreed it looked fabulous afterwards and did backtrack.

Your DH should clean the oven. 1 it will be a killer to do with a bump. 2 the fumes from oven cleaner are noxious. 3 it will show him.

Good luck with the baby.

[LtEveDallas]

When we hand back this house we will be paying someone to deep clean it once it is empty. It will probably cost in the region of £300. DH baulked at the cost, but when I pointed out that I would still be at work so the majority of the cleaning would be his deal, he decided that actually £300 was very reasonable. To add our oven to that will be another £50. I'm 90% sure we'll be doing that too.

Glad you got it sorted OP.

[Topseyt]

Of course people pay to have their ovens cleaned. Why is that any more surprising than working or busy people paying cleaners to clean their houses?

I usually clean my own oven at home (another vote for the Lakeland gel here, it is fab), but in my other properties, which I rent out, I pay someone to go into them if we get a tenant changeover and clean the ovens in there whilst I do the rest of the cleaning around the place. It makes sense and means I have time to get the rest done.

[JeanSeberg]

What's with the faux disbelief at paying someone to clean?

[Pobblewhohasnotoes]

Yes they do. But in London it can cost £90!

[SeaSickSal]

People PAY to have their ovens cleaned?

[ToffeeOwnsTheSausage]

I agree the Lakeland stuff is good though DH does it

[LouiseAderyn]

You do need a proper serious talk. This baby is not just your responsibility - I bet you if he was pg and on leave from work because of it, he would expect to share 'your' money because the baby belongs to the two of you.

Iron this out now before it becomes a big problem. And don't let him act as if he's doing you a favour, either by sharing his income or pulling his weight at home. Cleaning the oven is as much his responsibility as yours - he is not doing it 'for you' he is doing it because it needs cleaning and he is too tight to fork out for professional cleaning!

Personally, I would make him clean it himself and if he thinks it's not too bad then great - that can be his job in future!

As a general rule both people should have access to the same amount of money for personal spending imo.

Take out £80 and buy something you want ( not oven cleaning - that is a household expense, not something for you).

[ToffeeOwnsTheSausage]

I agree the Lakeland stuff is good though DH does it

[anklebitersmum]

I agree on the serious talk required. The oven is NOT a you thing, it's a household item that we all benefit from having thing.

The gadget is a him thing.

If we couldn't afford to have the joint oven cleaned at £60 then we certainly couldn't afford an individual £80 gadget.

Bloody cheek. Cure it now.

Hand him the rubber gloves and the oven spray request your £80 spending money and go out for the day.

Trust me, it works as a wake up call

[VegetariansTasteLikeChicken]

It seems what he really means is YOU have to be more careful with money as you aren't earning anymore, whilst he can carry on as normal buying his toys.

YY to that. But even more ridiculous is that oven cleaning counts as "your thing"!

[petalsandstars]

As part of your chat imo I would make sure that you are not expected to cover the shortfall in normal salary out of your own personal savings.

Ime all wages and cb into the joint account, bills out of that account and savings automatically transferred intoa sseparate pot (so you don't miss it)
Then groceries, petrol and children's things paid from out of joint account and take out an equal amount for each of us as fun money. (DH spends his on beer mine on clothes)

Get this sorted out now. There are so many threads on mn where the woman has to budget everything for children from the cb or her own savings whilst the mans income and expenditure remain the same.