27 Year old Sister moving in with 17 year old. AIBU

[ChaoticMum80]

My sister met a guy at work 3 months ago, she's 27, he's 17. She says he's mature for his age and it's just a fling as he's going to uni this September and moving to the other end of the country so it will just be a bit of fun and naturally come to an end.

Except it's not. Things have moved really quickly and she says he's different to her previous partners and knows this is special. Last month she told him how she felt and he said he felt the same (although she is his first partner). He's moving to London in September and they've agreed to move in together after his first year of uni! (She would move from Leeds to London).

AIBU to think this is ridiculous? I know she's only 27 but she doesn't have time to wait for him to grow up. He's an attractive guy for his age with money saved and a part time job set up for when he moves so I'm sure plenty of girls will be interested at uni. Has anybody had an experience with something like this and do you have any advice? What kind of issues have you encountered with such an age gap?

I'm really worried she will get hurt!

[HelloBoys]

when I was 26 or 27 I saw a 21 year old but I think quite sheltered (he liked to believe he was otherwise). when I met him he worked full time good job then went to Imperial College and lived in digs there.

I was a party girl anyway and went clubbing etc a lot but he was also out a lot. Sadly I cheated on him told him and expected him to be "whatever" but he was really hurt and said he'd loved me (despite him being out, away, hard to get hold of).

I found out a few years ago I was his first! And I'd either done it in a nurse's uniform or used one afterwards... He of course hadn't said it was his first time.

[Caitlin17]

Pixie it really is not as simple as saying you're only an adult at 18. The age of majority is what you are thinking of, meaning the chronological moment when minors cease to be legally considered children and assume control over their persons, actions, and decisions thereby terminating the legal control of parents and guardians. That might be 18 in some countries, in others including that part of Northern Britain called Scotland it's 16.

[MoominsYonisAreScary]

From child to adult even!

[MoominsYonisAreScary]

Ds1 is 19 and has matured an awful lot over the last couple of years, even so I wouldnt say at 17 he was particularly immature especially compared to some of his friends.

I just can not see the attraction of a 17 year old, they are only just starting to move from adult to child imo and dont have much if any life experiance.

Maybe its because when I was 27 he was 11 so going out with someone only 6 years older than him would have been gross

[pixiepotter]

all that is true, but the age you are legally classed as an adult is 18.Google it if you don't believe me.

[HadABadDay2014]

I was just 18 when me and DH ( 6 years older) got together, no body expected it to last but 10 years on and we are still together and still very much in love.

If relationship is going to work it will, but if it doesn't then she will need someone to tell her everything's going to be ok and she will love again.

[Caitlin17]

sorry I was replying to pixie This 17 year old might be the most level headed ,clued up, mature 17year old ever or a mummy's boy who cannot dress himself, both of which are relevant as to whether this is going to be a disaster, but saying he's not legally an adult is wrong and irrelevant.

[DonkeysDontRideBicycles]

I would not shoot her down in flames mind you, the suggestion they wait until he's finished first year is a good one. It's going to be a while before then, a lot could happen.

[Lambzig]

I was engaged to a 34 year Old when I was 17. It was never realistically going to work, but we had a lovely time. He taught me about so many things that I think that relationship really helped me grow up. It fizzled out, of course it did, but he is still a friend and no one really got hurt. Until DH, I never went out with anyone less than ten years older than me. DH and I have a significant age group the other way.

I think as long as you DSis is realistic about the chances, she probably knows it won't last. It is unusual at that age, but I think you just have to let it run its course and be there with a sympathetic ear.

[Caitlin17]

Not true. You acquire certain rights and responsibilities at various ages, responsibity for criminal acts and the prospect of being tried in court, for example, at an absurdly early age. You continue acquiring rights and responsibilities as you get older and a whole raft of them appear when you are 16 (especially if you live in or move to Scotland ) More kick in at 17 and the bulk at 18. A limited number only arrive at 21. There is no magic age when you are an adult.

[DonkeysDontRideBicycles]

There's mature and there's mature. I don't think a 17 year old approaching his 18th birthday is on the same wavelength as a 27 y.o . If they still felt attracted to each other after he completes his uni course fair enough. I just think he has so much to experience before he turns 21 it would be bordering on selfish of DSis to deny him a chance to live a little before settling down.

[PeriodFeatures]

Hmmm. I don't think it's any of your business OP. It is legal, there is no significant power imbalance or vulnerable party.

[ChrisMooseMickey]

I moved in with my 39yo partner when I was 20. We have been together for three years now and we're getting married next year.

Keep your nose out.

[pixiepotter]

A 17 year old is not legally

you become an adult on your 18th birthday and are therefore still a child legally at 17

[Caitlin17]

Tallesttower but this is not a teacher/pupil relationship.

It might not be exactly the same in England and Wales but for those of you who say 17 is still a child ,that simply is not true. A 16 year old in Scotland can leave school, leave home, apply for a passport , consent to medical treatment, instruct a solicitor and get married all without parental consent. A 16 year old can buy a
lottery ticket. A 16 year old can buy and sell a house(I appreciate they won't get a mortgage but that's based on ability to pay) but a 16 year old who had inherited money or won the lottery is legally competent to do so.

[Thetallesttower]

I would be up in arms about a teacher as they would be abusing their position of authority. However, once the boy turned 18, I wouldn't be against it or at least, I might not actively approve, but I don't think it should be illegal. Teachers are in a different category, for the same reason your doctor is not allowed to have a relationship with you whatever your age.

[phantomnamechanger]

icky IMO

he's sleeping with someone who's probably older than some of his teachers, if she was a teacher, even from another school, we would all be up in arms about it being wrong.

I can't see her friends & their DPs wanting to go out with her and her toy boy, 17yo and 27yo have so little in common. 17 - still so much growing up to do.

[DownstairsMixUp]

You need to have parents permission to get married in England! You are defintely not an adult at 16 sorry! 18 is when you are an adult. You are a step between a child and an adult at 16/17 but no way shape or form an adult. I wanted to move out when I was 16 but I couldn't rent anywhere as pretty much everywhere said minimum 18! No one is saying they are "infant" but to say they are an adult is mad! Even at 16 physically a lot of boys don't even look developed and a few of my friends didn't even have a first period till they were 16! The law stil see's a 16 year old as a child and for most adult people, 16/17 year olds are not potential sexual partners.

[hootloop]

I just wanted to say that uni life doesn't necessarily mean not staying in your relationship.
I got married a month after starting university and still got my 2.1 with QTS.

[JessePinkmanIsMine]

Creepy. I'm a similar age and 17 year olds are very much children to me. Not potential sexual or romantic partners. Bleurgh.

[lifeinthefastlane1]

I had a 17 year old boyfriend when I was 26 with two children, we had an awesome time, fast forward 16 years we are still together and have a 5yr old, my two grown up dc refer to him as their father, he is very mature, more so than me when he had his 30th birthday , I told him he is finally old enough to date me
some things are just meant to be and if people thought it was icky all that time ago they are eating their words now, we are as strong now as we have always been.

[Belacoros]

It'll fizzle. I had a 17 year old boyfriend when I was 19 (he was only in the year below at school, but I was one of the oldest of the year and he was an August-born youngest - we'd have been two years apart if he'd been a day later.) Mostly we were 18 and 19, sure, but UGH was that boy a kid or what. Even moving him across the country to Uni didn't make him any less of a child - he needed his mum to pick his clothes, he wouldn't learn to cook or clean so he just lived in squalor and starved, he stayed in with the XBox and didn't go to lectures. I was working hard at my degree and working at a bank. He got younger and younger by the week, it seemed, and it just became really gross. Like he was 18, but more like 12.

Anyway, yeah, got rid. She'll see the light, especially living with him. She'll feel like his mother.

[Caitlin17]

And a 16 year old from England or Wales can get married in Scotland without parents'consent.

[Caitlin17]

www.youngscotextra.org/articles/what-can-you-do-at-what-age-16-21

What you can do when you are 16.

[Caitlin17]

You don't need parents'consent to get married in Scotland at 16.