to be angry with the french club teacher

[radiohelen]

My lo is 5.5 and in year one. He's been to a term of French club and everything was fine. Then for various reasons he had to have a term off. Now the teacher is telling me my lo is being disruptive, 'playing to the audience' and distracting other kids who are 'on the edge of concentration' and he can't cope with the extra hour after school. He also said the other kids (8 of them) have moved on and mine can't cope because of the term off and plays up.
Then he said that my lo does know the stuff because he replies to questions with the right answers.
This class was supposed to be a fun thing, songs and games in French. So why do I feel like I'm being told my lo has something wrong with him because he's not fitting in. How can you be wrong playing games and singing songs? The teacher has only got 8 kids to work with.... surely he's the one with the problem, not my lo!

[NewtRipley]

Auntie

[Gileswithachainsaw]

Yabu.

He's 5.5 , I would expect this senario is normal for many young kids. It doesn't mean your kids a brat, it doesn't mean the teacher is useless, it means your young child is not coping with it at this precise moment. Something that will happen to many children because of their age and the sheer exhaustion after school.

Take him out and try again in a few months.

[AuntieStella]

Fair point, newt.

I made no comment about the likelihood of any particular scenario being correct. Or about the chances is a teacher who was fine before this term becoming suddenly de-skilled.

[NewtRipley]

or
d) teacher perceived to be inadequate due to unrealistic defensive attitude of a parent

[AuntieStella]

Well, the possible scenarios are

a) inadequate teacher,
b) child who doesn't really want to be doing the activity, or
c) child who for some other reason eg tiredness cannot benefit from the class.

In all these scenarios, the best remedy is to stop attending. Then try again with a different French activity (a) or reintroduce later (b,c).

[BobPatSamandIgglePiggle]

You are being ridiculous.

[Catsize]

You may end up making your son hate French. I did a bit at a club as part of a summer scheme when I was a bit older than your son. Couldn't see the point, hated every minute, begged to finish, and wanted to do one of the other activities there - far more fun. I went on to study French law in the UK and France.
In other words, take him out, stop him disrupting the others, leave him with some liking for French intact, and it will all be okay in the end.

[NewtRipley]

Teamer

Exactly

A 5 year old can say they want to do something but then be too knackered at the end of the day to actually cope. And if the club is straight after school, then he's no chance to see his mum and express that actually he doesn't want to go.

[TamerB]

He isn't suited to the class. If you really want him to continue it would be better to start again with the beginners. However are you sure that he actually wants to do it, rather than you wanting him to do it?

[SeaSickSal]

Look at it this way, the French teacher has kind of done you a favour because he has brought this to your attention. You can work on it and try and resolve it.

If it had been left longer he might have started playing up in school too which would cause problems with his learning. This way you know before anything develops at school and you can nip it in the bud.

I don't think it's personal, I don't think he meant to make you feel a failure. Rather than looking at this as an insult try to look at it proactively and thinking of ways of dealing with it.

If it's because he is a little behind could he have some extra tutoring to catch up? Then if he's back to the same level as the rest of the class he might be more engaged in what they're doing and stop playing up.

[deakymom]

the teacher is not doing this class as a kindness he/she is getting paid the op pays for this class and the child previously enjoyed the class and knows the answers to the questions so is not "left behind" im guessing your lo is feeling anxious because they have missed a term perhaps don't feel like they fit in etc the simple solution is give him a choice behave or be removed give it a couple more classes and if the behaviour persists remove him and try another club xx

[WorraLiberty]

I still feel angry and upset with this teacher for making me feel like a failure and making it sound as though my lo is a failure too.

No, the teacher told you the truth about your child.

If you can't deal with that, then it's you who is making yourself feel like a failure.

I think the teacher has been very fair.

If he continues to disrupt the group, he will no doubt be removed from it. So the teacher has done the right thing by bringing this to your attention.

[mistermakersgloopyglue]

Im still struggling to see why you are angry with the teacher? For making you feel like a failure?! Wtf?

[CoffeeTea103]

Yabu, why should the other 8 children be disadvantaged because of your child? I can't see what part of what the teacher said was wrong. It's factual and what's going on so what were you expecting. Maybe take him out of the class so everyone all round is happier.

[kungfupannda]

YABU

He is very young, and you say you know that he is tired and needs to do something physical. So you know this isn't working for him, leaving aside the fact that it's clearly not working for the other children.

There's no point being angry with the teacher for pointing out something that you know yourself.

It's an optional extra and it's supposed to be fun. It's not an obligatory part of the school day.

[NewtRipley]

Good post ikea

[ikeaismylocal]

Yabu.

It sounds like your ds was not enjoying the classes, too far behind to catch up or too tired to concentrate after a day at school.

Do you really want to pay for a class that your ds is not enjoying? Do you want your ds to spoil the class for the other children?

I have taught small groups, I sometimes found it hard to deal with naughty or disruptive children. The classes were very intense, I was constantly leading songs, demonstrating crafts or playing games with the kids, if a child is being naughty there isn't much you can do, if a child isn't enjoying the class you can't magically make them think it is fun.

What you think the teacher should have done? Do you think the lesson should have been altered to accomodate your son? Do you think his behaviour was ok?

[NewtRipley]

Also, a conversation before school about behaviour in a class after school isn't going to work.

This is meant to be a fun activity and his behaviour is telling you that it is no longer suiting him.

Try not to take it as a criticism of him

[chocolatebourbon]

Hi, radiohelen. I just wanted to send you some sympathy. My 4 year old DS is in a French school and he is very behind because we only speak English at home! He spends a lot of time at school being disruptive. It is really difficult being told that your PFB is just annoying everybody else and misbehaving. I know because I hear it all the time and I really struggle to deal with it emotionally. I do everything I can to manage my son's behaviour at home, but it is the teacher's job to manage his behaviour at school. Of course, once I put my rational hat on I know that of course they should tell me if his behaviour is problematic - so that I can do anything I can to help (which in all fairness isn't much, but hey, they should still tell me just in case). The school day in France is long (830 to 1630) and I am so jealous of parents in England who get their children home earlier and maybe a teeny bit less exhausted - definitely take your DS out of the club and buy him a CD of French songs instead. Sending a hug.

[CaterpillarCara]

I am with DoJo and Cory. I think you need to re-examine your feelings on this one.

I had to remove my son aged three from a class. We'd gone together from baby age but he out-grew it. We tried him in the next class up, and he was a bit young for it. It was singing and games and in his final session, he tried to teach three other children to go out the fire escape. And I was there!

He is basically a good kid, but that environment, which he had loved, no longer suited him. Even with a supremely talented teacher (I still think she is awesome, we still listen to her CD most weeks) and also with me there, it couldn't be made to fit because it had become wrong class, wrong age, wrong for him at that point.

So we dropped it. No harm done. Moved on.

Until I read your message, it never occurred to me that either me, my son, or the teacher were "failing"!

[NewtRipley]

radio

I suggest you go in and watch a lesson that is being continually disrupted by one child and then see how you feel about it. Or, imagine you are the parent of a child whose parents have also paid money, and who are distracted by a child who is too young or too tired to be there.

[Only1scoop]

Try not to take it so hard. The French teacher is not taking a personal slight at you and ds....
He is probably way behind the others if he missed a whole term....

[Viviennemary]

If he is being a nuisance I think the teacher is right to exclude him. It's an after school activity and if he can't behave then he can't attend.

[Fairenuff]

You have been told that your son is disruptive he is behind because he missed a term of lessons and that he cannot cope with the extra hour.

The sensible thing to do would be to accept this, not try to argue against it. You could always try him again next year.