to be suprised there is a "gifted and talented" board here

[fromparistoberlin]

sorry its really made me giggle

but seriously!? is this a major worry for people?

[CaractacusPotts]

rockinhippy RTFT ;-)

[FanFuckingTastic]

I don't particularly like the title myself, it hints at being elitist and I certainly don't want my kids to be regarded as I think they are special in any other way than they are unique little beings who may require a little bit of support to get through school.

There is a unique need to be able to discuss their particular needs, because I don't want my children to turn out like me, I'm overwhelmed by life because I didn't get the help when I needed it. I want them to turn out to be functional and successful human beings, intelligence doesn't mean they will... in some ways it's harder.

[RockinHippy]

Got to admit I'm with Retropear on a lot of comments she makes too - I hate the label & don't own up to it with other parents in RL, it can have an adverse affect if the DCs in class know to as they get picked on for it.

I know a genuinely gifted boy, well he's a man now, but his G&T status opened up an opportunity for him to go to Oxford, they took a group of inner city G&T Teens for a trial, with the option of staying on & studying there - by that time he was so sick of the bullying it attracted that he told them to stick it as he was going camping with his mates, he's never tried to excel at anything since - his none G&T but bright DSIS on the other hand has worked very hard in her chosen career & is doing way better than he has, he's pretty much dropped out :(

[Nerfmother]

G and t is not an sen. It might be treated as one in some schools, but it doesn't fit the learning difficulty definition of sen, and it's better termed as an additional need really.

[WestieMamma]

My daughter is extremely gifted and it contributed to very serious problems throughout her childhood. She was 15 when her IQ was tested by a specialist unit at the hospital here. She scored 145 despite doing the whole assessment in a language she had only been learning for a year. They said she would have been off the scale if she'd done it in English.

Being so gifted meant that her autism wasn't spotted until she was 15. She was really struggling to cope with school, following instructions, cognitive function etc but her high starting point meant she still achieved acceptable grades in school and she used her intelligence to pretend to be like everyone else. Her behaviour however was terrible because keeping her head above water was destroying her mental health.

I always knew she was far more intelligent than the teachers thought but I just got the face. I wish there'd been a G&T board when she was younger, it could have saved her a lot of pain.

[RockinHippy]

FanFuckingTastic

I can relate to your post with DD so much, I'm reading a book recommended to me by an Ed Phsyc - though sadly nothing DDs school had ever heard of :(

I'm finding it to be a brilliant book & its DD to a tee & makes so much sense - HERE

[hackmum]

It can be tough for parents of gifted children (I have no vested interest here, by the way.) One of the hardest thing is that some teachers seem to resist the idea that a child is particularly intelligent, and will assume the parents are being pushy or deluded. Of course some parents are pushy and deluded, but it's quite hard if your child is genuinely gifted and the school haven't spotted it - some gifted children quickly learn to stop putting their hand up because they don't want to be thought a show-off.

[TunipTheUnconquerable]

What's your daughter doing now, WestieMamma? Did things get easier once her autism was diagnosed?

[RockinHippy]

Just spotted the apology OP :)

got to admit "boasty mums" make me giggle a bit to myself too, I suspect those with the truly brighter kids soon learn to button it for their DCs sake though - the rest, well, lets just say I know one or two...

[BlackeyedSusan]

Lots of people ask about their toddler and preschooler as this is when, for some the giftedness begins to show. It is not done to ask people in real life. There is a wide range of IQs that are considered gifted... the further away from the average IQ, the more likely there are to be associated difficulties.

Schools often fail to recognise gifted children, at least at first, for numerous reasons, and sometimes because the child does not present ss the stereotype of a gifted child. I know of several children where this has been the case and parents have in desperation had their child tested by an educational psychologist. I tested dd as school were strongly implying that I was hothousing her and damaging her socially... refuted by the ed psych. having someone to compare notes with at this time was massively helpful for me in deciding what course of action to take.

[FaintlyHopeful]

Having a high iq can come with related developmental delays and managing it can be awful. My daughter is in the gifted range but had speech delay. She was deferred from school because she needed speech therapy and pretty much stopped talking when her friends moved on to school. No real choice because her speech was barely comprehensible but she was heartbroken to lose her close friends en masse and its still an issue 4 years on.

[WestieMamma]

Her autism was diagnosed once we emigrated. Here they realised there was something unusual going on straight away. The IQ test was part of that process. She's had support ever since and is now doing brilliantly. She's doing a history degree at the moment and is hoping to move to campus in August. She's also starting to make friends which is the biggest achievement. I do feel really sad though that she was unsupported for so long. Even when she started hurting herself nobody listened to me.

[TheBigBumTheory]

Most parents with very intelligent children are the opposite of 'boasty'. They avoid discussing their child's progress for fear of looking boasty or being met with genuine disbelief. It's socially acceptable to mention your dcs are exceptional at football or drama, but for academic subjects it's often seen as bragging. At least on G and T boards it's usually the one place where it's ok to discuss issues. Sometimes it's hard for dcs like this to find peers who can relate to them and their interests.

[TunipTheUnconquerable]

Well done her, Westie - that's lovely to hear.

[harticus]

Good to see OP spotted error of her ways.

It isn't easy to have a child who is "advanced" - causes all manner of problems and situations that need addressing - social as well as academic.
It is useful to have support and advice from others in a similar position.

[Thatisall]

I didn't know there was a gifted and talented board. I'm glad. My dd is on the gifted and talented register and I often don't feel like I'm allowed to celebrate her achievements in the way that other parents are. She does well. Just because she always does well doesn't mean she hasn't had to work for it or that it shouldn't be congratulated.

Equally when she has issues sometimes they are such that others might be a little for example, dd struggled with fractions and freaked out. Her teacher suggested that she hadn't quite 'learnt to learn' things that didn't come easily. She was frightened that she would get in trouble or that we'd be disappointed. We hadn't realised how much pressure she was feeling. I'm glad that there is a board for people to sound off about their thoughts and worries.

[Boaty]

My DS1 scored very highly in IQ tests, got scholarships/bursaries to good schools but consistently from the age of 15 underachieved and has a criminal record. He was born with innate ability but has no direction in life. He knows he is very intelligent but doesn't use it or any common sense.
I would have welcomed advice and support to try to help him.

he makes a lousy criminal too, he keeps getting caught

[MamaPingu]

I was gifted and talented, just boasting for fun.

I don't think there's anything wrong with a G&T section, like it has been said what are parents meant to do with children who are unbelievably intelligent who are bored to tears and even feel like outcasts because of it!

[Ubik1]

There was a really interesting thread about G&T a few years where posters with extremely high IQs talked about their experiences. Fir many things had been quite tough - got into top university and then struggled with life, pressure, mental health. Of course these things are not exclusive to people with high intelligence by a long stretch but neither does it protect you from every day pressures.

One poster made the point that it was important G&T did things they were not good at, it taught them 'to learn' and resilience.

( I plan to make my fortune opening a 'Montessori School fur Gifted Children' in our area which is thoroughly bo'ho'd and bugabood. )

[LaFataTurchina]

Me too

I quite enjoyed it, we got to have an enrichment activity one afternoon every few weeks after school - usually a debate, or something in the science labs.

I wasn't so clever as to be bored at school, but it was nice to have something just for us geeky top set children.

More seriously though, I grew up on an estate and am the first of my family to go to university. My self-esteem probably really benefited from being labelled clever. When I got to university (red brick oxbridge reject type place) it really surprised me how few students from backgrounds like mine there were. Whereas I was lucky in that I had supportive parents and supportive teachers so I always saw school - university - fulfilling career as the natural progression.

[TheWomanTheyCallJayne]

I found that I rarely posted on here about my ds and his struggles; asking about his IEPs and how to deal with the schools attitude, the moving schools (and house) and the subsequent joy and freedom of a suitable school because of threads such as this one. Though I allow that you've taken on bored what people have said op. It meant that we lost out on support we really could have done with. He's not actually on the g&t register as he is now at private but he was before.

On the other hand I have felt free to talk about my dd, her IEP and her struggles at the other end of the spectrum on other sections.

[Fleta]

Kids go up and down,truly gifted children are rare and many gifted or very able children like my DS are perfectly able to get on just fine without a lot of hoo ha.My ex teacher hat is on here.

I'm not sure who mentioned "hoo-ha".

My child doesn't know just how bloody gifted she is. I find it useful to have somewhere (actually on a completely different forum to MN but same idea) to chat to parents in a similar situation. Things as simple as finding reading matter than is intellectually challenging enough but emotionally her age - which is 7!

I suppose it is different for us because she's at private prep and they don't have to have "x" number of gifted and talented but have the man power in school to deal with it. For example she learns with her peers but has work from higher classes to do etc.

[FanFuckingTastic]

In some cases I am fairly sure that G+T kids don't have SEN, but in others I'll beg to differ. I was without diagnosis for my entire school history, and I am now learning to cope with the fact that I have HFA. My children both show signs of being the same. Their intelligence comes with a flip side that means they have emotional and behavioural difficulties also.

My son taught himself to read in nursery, but he doesn't know how to interact socially very well and has a trigger hair temper when he doesn't know how to handle things. He also has difficulty with social communication, especially things like gratitude and says and does things that people can't understand, unless they know him like I do. He isn't rude, he is misunderstood because he finds expression difficult. He is very sensitive emotionally, and he needs to be in an environment where he can focus, which he doesn't manage very well. His teachers all express that he is dreamy and finds concentration difficult.

My daughter is behaviourally a bit of a nightmare. She wants what she wants and when she doesn't get it, she will behave in a very difficult way. I've had her brought home by the police aged four after working out how to get past extra locks and alarms put in place to stop her escaping. She went on a middle of the night jaunt and had (still has) no concept of danger or risk. She's destructive when she melts down, but socially she fares better than her brother because she is less passive and more in control. She does however do things that make people uncomfortable, too much physical contact, not respecting space, forgetting that there are other people in the classroom and everything does not revolve around her. She also barely sleeps and has a weird body clock, she'll happily wake at 2am and play for hours before school, then go to school and behave badly because she's tired.

They are both wonderful children, but they are also overwhelming. I had to give them to their fathers when I got made homeless, I'm disabled physically and I was getting to a point where I couldn't keep my daughter safe from herself any more. Intelligence is more than just being smart, it can come with difficulties, and since I've lived that, I aim to ensure my children don't turn out the same way as I do.

[FanFuckingTastic]

I think my daughter got a double whammy, because her dad has ADHD and I have Aspergers. She's just trying to learn to make sense of the world with a brain that doesn't quite fit the norm. My son has his own difficulties with being half deaf and that lack of concentration, he is scarily intelligent, but trying to mould that into something useful for him is going to take some doing.

[OrangeMochaFrappucino]

I don't think my toddler is G&T so wasn't personally offended by the sneery OP...But as a probably middle class mummy who did attend NCT, I am a bit offended by the sneery apology - didn't come across as terribly gracious to me!