Currently 30 weeks pregnant and can't tell if I'm being irrational and unreasonable or if there really are red flags....
I have lovely PIL, have never had reason to fault them or be annoyed with them or anything like that, I get on really well with them both. However, over the last few months FIL had been showing some traits that have unnerved me as to how he may be when the baby arrives.
I feel like he is always offering his 'opinion' and that whatever me and DH think or want to do isn't correct in his eyes. Me and DH were talking about our storage plans for when baby arrives, what will go in what cupboards etc but no, FIL has a better idea and we should obviously follow his advice... 
.
We are having a new kitchen fitted on Friday and FIL has been making negative comments about what plans we have gone for and belittling the decisions we have already made. We are having our garden renovated in the Spring and the way in which me and DH want it done apparently isn't right in FIL's eyes and instead he is telling us what we should do.
He was very pushy about what kind of cot we should buy and now he keeps telling me what kind of pushchair I should buy. He keeps giving me suggestions on what I need to do round the house ready for when the baby comes - including comments on net curtains to keep flies out and how the 'little one' can't be expected to go up a flight of stairs every time he needs the toilet wtf He keeps asking if we've done X, Y and seems to have a disapproving look on his face if we don't give the answer he wants. He isn't doing it in a nasty way at all but it makes me feel like he thinks me and DH don't know what we're doing.
He was passing comment earlier that showed he wasn't happy he'd not been here when we had assembled all the nursery furniture (my dad and DH did it) as he thinks he would obviously had made a better job of it. It is just little digs and comments that are continuously coming. He is never, ever normally like this.
It's like he thinks he knows best about everything and I can't tell if I'm just being over sensitive. I just want me and DH to be allowed to make our own decisions and not have them questioned or belittled.
I actually had a cry over it earlier when I was doing the washing up because I can't help but feel that when baby comes I'm going to be under constant criticism for whatever parenting choices I make 
AIBU?
To be worrying about how FIL will be when baby arrives...
Writerwannabe83 · 12/01/2014 21:07
They have a key for emergencies, as we do to their house, which is why when I lock the front door when I'm in the house I leave the key in the door. I honestly don't believe they would ever let themselves in the house with a key though unless we had specifically asked them to. I could ask them to call round but seeing as they only live about 20 houses away from us on the same street they see no harm in just making a 10 second walk to see if we're in. Me and DH do sometimes unexpectedly go and visit them so I guess I can't complain, but 95% of the time we let them know we're coming and we always knock and wait to be let in 
You must have seen a kazillion threads like this on Mumsnet. You and your DP need to stop being such wuss'ss 
and decide what is and is not acceptable. If you don't won't them popping over all the time you have to TELL them. They can't read your minds and it's much better for everyone if you say something rather than let it build up into a huge thing.
The baby arriving is a perfect excuse to tell them that you no longer want unexpected visitors. It's not rude.
If he is giving too much advice simply tell him that you want to make the decision yourself and don't want any advice. You can say it politely.
onefewernow - your last comment made me laugh.
Thankfully DH is on my side and has told his dad that I want to choose a new pushchair and so to leave me to it but when his dad next came round he was full of ideas about what size and shape pushchair we should get and with what features etc etc. I caught my husband trying to smother laughter whilst I smiled and nodded
- Tinsel your post made me think about last nights 'advice' when it came to how we should renovate our garden (as apparently our ideas are wrong...) and he kept talking about the position of the shed (we don't have one you see and plan to buy one) and what we'd do if the fence fell down.
He has a nightmare hypothetical situation for everything with the purpose of trying to either imply we don't know what we're doing or that we haven't thought things through properly. Admittedly, we hadn't taken the very stable fence into consideration but do all people with sheds and fences live their lives worrying if the two can co-exist? Or do people have sheds randomly placed in the middle of their gardens so that when their fences fall down the she'd doesn't get hurt?
It just feels like everything we say or do he has got a better idea and a better opinion....
Ok, Writer, now I am more worried about your peace in the coming months/years and agree with others, you need to put firm bounderies in place and keep enforcing them.
This coming and going in your house is Just Not On.
This is what my parents have done to my brother and his wife and it has pretty much poisoned their relationship which is a great shame as they live 2 miles apart and I am hundreds of miles away (which is maybe why i get on well with my parents 
).
Our parents were given a key 'for emergencies/to water the plants when we are on holiday' and got in to the habit of just using it. My dad would ring the door bell and then immediately let himself in - once encountering my DSiL in the buff, having just come out of the shower (it's a bungalow); once finding the two of them in bed at 10am on a Sunday morning (before kids). My parents overstep the mark All The Time and unfortunately, my DB is a people pleaser who did not from the beginning or after the first 'transgression' said "This has to stop".
Personally, I'd have my key back. Yes, change the locks if that is a way to achieve it. Be very clear about when you do/don't wish to have visitors - by invitation only? Every Tuesday afternoon? By prior phone call?
Also, this baby is not even born yet and you are getting in to discussion about where they are going to wee?? Seriously? Stop this madness now, don't discuss things with them, don't invite options. "We are going to convert the downstairs cloak room" or don't say anything until it's done.
I've had to be quite firm with my parents who wanted to know things like how much I/we earn, what our mortgage is, disagreeing with some of the ways we bring up our DCs (we don't slap which my mother feels is 'letting them get away with it' ).
You MUST get your DH on board, properly and fully on board. In many ways this is IS fight, not yours. If you can get your MiL do be your ally, all the better.
Oh gosh, I may have become slightly over-invested in your dilemma.
Sorry
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You're right about the insanity of discussing a child's weeing issues before it has even been born - I don't even know why he was talking about it. I think it was just another way of trying to put across a comment that we aren't thinking things through. Same as when he was talking about how we need to buy nets to put across all the doors to keep the flies out....we have never had any kind of mass fly infestation so where do his thoughts come from? I know full well he will mention it again at some point and wouldn't be surprised if he turned up with some net curtains and start putting them up....
I like the idea about just converting the ground floor toilet into a cloakroom anyway and then presenting it to him - I think we need to make a point of doing something we want to do regardless of what his thoughts are. Me and DH have also definitely decided the shed is going to go exactly where we wanted it to in the first place
Don't worry dogwood - at least if someone else is over invested I don't feel so crazy
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