DM going on holiday to Haiti... AIBU to think she has a death wish?

[Cantwejustsaywhatwemean]

Apparently there are Air bnbs there... Oh well that makes it ok then! She was supposed to be booking a much needed break to see my DB in the USA but has announced she also plans to go to Haiti for a few days with a similar aged friend (70+). She's not an intrepid traveller and has a habit of 'adopting' people she thinks need her help then taking ages to extricate herself from situations that end up making her feel I'll. she's not in great health but loves to be a bit different and crazy. I am pretty sure Haiti is the most dangerous country on earth. AIBU to worry? NC'd obviously although I think even this title may out me... Anyone else been on holiday to Haiti or have a 70+ year old relative who has?

[Cantwejustsaywhatwemean]

Yep, and don't forget the Air bnbs...

[BlingBang]

What is an Air Bnb?

[HyvaPaiva]

This is the FCO info on travel to Haiti, it might reassure you:

The Foreign and Commonwealth Office (FCO) advise against all travel to the of Carrefour, Cite Soleil, Martissant and Bel Air neighbourhoods in Port-au-Prince due to the risk of criminal activity.

You should take great care due to the risk of criminal activity throughout the country.

There is a low threat from terrorism.

There has been an increase in cases of cholera.

There is a small British Embassy in Haiti but it does not provide consular (or visa) services. If you need consular assistance you should contact the British Honorary Consul (telephone: 509 3744 6371) or the British Embassy in Santo Domingo.

[titchy]

The visa may well be dependent upon her telling them her insurers and having enough funds and a place to stay before they issue it, so might not be an issue if she doesn't even get a visa!

[Sidge]

Even apart from the safety issues (and Haiti isn't one of the safest places to visit) she is barmy to travel without insurance, especially in the USA.

The health risks in Haiti are significant - Hepatitis A and B, typhoid, cholera, measles, diphtheria, dengue fever, malaria and TB.

She should be seeing her practice nurse or a travel health clinic for a full assessment and vaccinations, travel health advice and antimalarials. And hopefully they'll talk her out of it

[Cantwejustsaywhatwemean]

Just a bnb advertised on the internet on a specific site. The users all rate each other so she feels like it's sort of recommended and much more personal than 'commercial' bnbs. Maybe, but I feel as though she needs educating about internet safety and the fact that you can't necessarily assume a place is safe because it has a couple of reviews... Having said that I am posting about my personal life on a public Internet forum [hollow laugh]

[Cantwejustsaywhatwemean]

Ooh yes she hates vaccinations! That could be great, as she wouldn't want them. Actually she doesn't believe in them and never got us vaccinated as children [sceptical] so she'd probably just ignore me. Hasten to add that I did get mine vaccinated with no serious health effects (as she direly warned me). Am even more worried now, hadn't thought about that.

[Cantwejustsaywhatwemean]

Titchy I am pinning my hopes on that right now. Have got DB on the insurance issue... Feel it has more weight coming from someone who lives there.

[MrsSquirrel]

The air bnbs in Haiti might actually be very nice and have that 'personal' feel she likes. Even if she goes to the nicest place in Haiti, she would still run certain risks, and would do well to avoid risky behaviour.

If you are going to try and get travel insurance for her, read the small print. The insurance is usually only valid if you have all the recommended vaccinations.

[MrsSquirrel]

Also, if she needs any kind of medical treatment in the USA, most places will turn her away unless she shows evidence of insurance cover or hands over a credit card with a big enough credit limit.

[specialsubject]

tell her the following if she is travelling without insurance:

• if she has an accident or is hospitalised in the USA, she will be racking up bills of about £1000 a day.
• if she needs repatriation from anywhere abroad, she is looking at thousands, possibly tens or hundreds of thousands of pounds.

oh, and Haiti (and indeed Hawaii, and anywhere tropical) are dengue zones, and there is no vaccine for that.

so if she refuses to buy insurance, make it clear that you will not be selling your house or going bankrupt to get her home or pay for her treatment. So she needs to be prepared to shoot herself if she gets ill. Yes, I know that is brutal, but that is the kind of risk with your life and finances she is taking through her stupidity.

it is also disgusting to go to poor countries unvaccinated, as she puts at risks the people there who have no choice.

[Cantwejustsaywhatwemean]

Special subject you have hit a nerve there. I think I'm partly worried that she is careless with her health and well being now as she's not happy about turning 70 and not bothered about reaching 80 iyswim. It makes me sad.

[BewitchedBotheredandBewildered]

If vaccinations are suggested, she may have trouble being allowed back in the UK is she hasn't had them. She may have to spend time in quarantine, surely that would put her off.

[specialsubject]

OP, that is sad. But being brutal again (sorry) if she is tired of her life that is a different issue, but taking your finances with her by bankrupting you does not help!

of course the odds on this kind of disaster are fairly low, but it is NOT impossible and the consequences would be horrific.

hope you can get some sense into her. Why doesn't she just buy some travel insurance???

[Cantwejustsaywhatwemean]

Yes DB has been put on case... I think she might listen to him. I feel bad mentioning my finances to her, it feels mean - of course we would repatriate her, she'd do it for me. And she likes to sniff out an ulterior (mean) motive when she can.

[MistressDeeCee]

Haiti is not the most dangerous country on earth. But there's a whole subculture there..hmmm..tbh I dont entirely blame you for being worried about your DM going there. If she has her wits about her tho & isnt overfriendly ie, aware that not everybody who approaches her to be a friend is genuine - then hopefully she will be ok. Crime and illness is rife in Haiti, also. Will she even be able to get insurance at her age, and going to Haiti too? You cant stop her if she's adamant though, but I wouldnt be happy at all if it were my DM

[kmc1111]

She shouldn't be going ANYWHERE without insurance and up to date vaccinations, but Haiti is really not that bad. It's a poor country with a lot of issues, but it's not a hellhole, there's culture, people are friendly and hospitable, it's very vibrant...I've enjoyed my visits a lot. Haiti wouldn't even make my list of 'high risk' travel destinations tbh, there are major American cities I'd consider much more dangerous, and as for most dangerous country on earth, well, Somalia, Columbia, Afghanistan, Sudan, Iraq, Democratic Republic of the Congo and the State of Palestine would beg to differ.

It's not really a touristy place (as in tours and souvenirs and all that), but lots of travellers iykwim. It's dangerous in areas, but I've visited Port au Prince multiple times and while yes, it's certainly dodgy, there are parts of London that are similarly dangerous. An awful lot of the crime is bored teenage boys/young men doing stupid things, just like anywhere else. There's bag snatchers and the like, but you'll get the same all over Europe. Two days ago a guy tried to sneak my phone out of my pocket on the tube...it happens everywhere. I found it much, much worse in Brazil, and foreign tourists still flock to Carnivale. Some health issues, but for a visitor who isn't living like a local, vaccinations and only drinking bottled water would be enough.

But anyway I wouldn't be worried about her going to Haiti, I'd be worried about her leaving the house if she's as hopeless as you say. Sounds like she could put herself in plenty of risky situations everyday here at home if she's really so clueless.

[areyoutheregoditsmemargaret]

I've been to Haiti a few times. I love it for many reasons - mainly cultural, but it's not at ALL touristy and if your mother is as you describe I simply can't see the appeal. There are no beaches, no real sights of interest and you can't really walk around Port au Prince, it's too hot and the roads are appalling, pot holes everywhere, raw sewage running through streets. There's nothing to visit except dilapidated buildings and some appalling slums (these in areas FO warns against).

Main danger- she might get pickpocketed, but I can't imagine she'd want to go out much once she's realised there's nothing to see. Will she sit in the b&b all day? In short, she will probably be fine, but she'll be wasting her time and money.

That aside, the issue here seems much more to do with your mother having a later-life crisis. If you can't stop her going, then take out insurance on her behalf. Please.

[areyoutheregoditsmemargaret]

Have looked at the b and bs now.

They're either in Port au Prince (nothing to do, except sit inside b and b) or in Petionville, which is the posh suburb (ditto).

Or in Jacmel and Cap, which are seaside towns but NOT resorts, though much nicer than P au P. But unless she flies directly to Cap, travelling there would involve a day in a taxi/horrible broken-down bus on dire roads in both directions.

Haiti's not got beautiful scenery, it's suffered shocking deforestation.

V interested to see how this turns out.

[Devondarling]

If that's what she wants to do, that's what she wants to do, if not now, when?

She is an adult, it's entirely up to her, by all means make her take out insurance, you can always do it for her if it bothers you.

My father is in his 70s, climbs mountains in remote countries, has just finished a back pack around south America, is on his way to the Antarctic, He plans to walk across south Georgia, he is a fan of Shackleton, and has a few sea birds left to tick off, he was knocked off his bike by a hit and run car, a few weeks before he left(his helmet saved his life), had to have a couple of operations, he still went, they (step mum) have had a great time in south America, as they always do, in places which people fling their hands up in shock, and say you will be murdered.

on the way to airport in this country, his friend had a flat tire, while he was changing it, they had their laptops and her handbag stolen from the car,

Shit happens here just as much.

When I am in a place that requires local nouse, I send a letter in advance to the local language school, asking if there is anyone who would like to have conversation in exchange for guidance around the local area, and ask them to put a note on their board,

I always pay for all meals and travel, and have found it a brilliant way to get a really good feel for a place,

I have made some life long friends this way, and experienced places in a way tourists never do,

I trained as a documentary photographer so tend to be carrying a lot of crucial expensive equipment, yet have never had a single problem, because I go in with local support.

Name changed for this as it outs me, but I do find it strange when children try to control their parents, at what point are they permitted to live their lives the way they want.

My mother died (cancer) when I was young, but it never made me try to control my remaining parent, he is behaving no differently to when my siblings and I were children, if we were children no doubt we would be walking across south Georgia with him.

She has told you what she wants to do, find ways of supporting it, not sabotaging for your own benefit.

[struggling100]

Devondarling - your dad sounds AWESOME! I hope I'm like that in my 70s.

But the OP did say that her Mum wasn't a very seasoned traveller and (reading between the lines), she sounds a bit naive (the 'adopting people' thing). So she's perhaps not as intrepid or aware as your father.

I do agree that bad things can happen anywhere, but I'm not sure that's an argument for not trying to side-step problems if someone isn't a very experienced traveller and might possibly walk straight into problems.

And another at the lack of insurance/vaccines. That really is basic stuff.

[areyoutheregoditsmemargaret]

Agree, if OPs mum was like your Dad, no problem and I think Haiti is a great destination for adventurous/experienced types. But she sounds v far from it. However, she can and should do what she wants, however she really should be insured. She should also ideally have the local support you mentioned fixed up in advance, rather than hooking up with first shyster who greets her off the plane and there'll be plenty of those.

[Cantwejustsaywhatwemean]

My DB has advised me to stop worrying about it which I think I should do... As you all say, she is her own person and can do what she wants! Love the sound of the adventurous dad above, sounds like he grabs life with both hands and enjoys it. What more could you ask for?

[Devondarling]

Really, so unless you manage to get out and about in your earlier life you should stick to places like Florida? Which by the way can be just as dangerous.

One of the lovely women from my village has just traveled a thousand miles through africa, over land with her sister, both in their 60s, neither of them had been in a plane before the trip, they did a bit of volunteering and lots of research, had a brilliant time, they mainly followed their noses, and met only kindness, both had had a life time of children and then grandchildren, the first chance they got, they took it, they also had a lot of disapproval from family, all of which were thinking of their own take on the situation, and quite a few cat bum faces when predictions of rape and death failed to happen.

of course it is arrogant not to insure or have vaccinations,

just ask her to do those for your peace of mind if nothing else,

There are plenty of volunteer works going on in Haiti, and schools, so if she googles and sends a few emails, she will find lots of support.

Limiting your life by fear, is really damaging. You only get one, not doing what you want would be a real wasted opportunity.

[specialsubject]

travel insurance is available at any age.

then let her go, you are protected once she is insured. Just get someone to check she's got the policy right.