AIBU about makeup gift to 8yo DD?

[stoopstofolly]

Just that really. Can't decide if I'm being precious or not. MIL bought DD (8) a MASSIVE makeup set. It's aimed at grown ups- black eye liners, red lipstick, dark nail varnishes. And it's MASSIVE (it's more makeup than I possess in total!). DD thrilled. However, I hate makeup on young girls. I'm not even that keen on them dressing up in it- especially as this stuff needs industrial strength makeup remover to shift it! I've said she cannot wear it out of the house, and needs to ask me before playing with it- otherwise I can imagine the trauma 10 mins before we're due to leave the house. School don't even allow clear varnish so she won't be wearing "vamp red" to school.
TBH I'm just peeved. We've had 3 rows about it already, her eyes are red from all the makeup remover and I just think it's an inappropriate present for an eight year old.
However, MIL and DD seem to think I'm unreasonable....

[shebird]

Is it's possible to take out the bad bits i.e heavy eyeliner and dark coloured lipsticks and replace with more neutral things? Chances are this is something she will forget about in a few weeks anyhow.
My DD 9 was given a Top Model make up colouring book for her birthday. It's basically a sketch pad with girls faces where you apply make up to the picture and use colour pencils to shade and do different hair styles. It is much better to experiment on a paper and keeps her happy for hours.

[wonderstuff]

My gran got my 6 year old a make up set, my jaw dropped. I said dress up only, only when I say etc. then it mysteriously vanished..

[Snowdown]

You know I think the more subtle make up is more weird. Dd putting big layers of badly applied blue eye shadow suggests role play. Subtle makeup suggests something more adult-like and I'm less comfortable with that.

[NoComet]

For Fucks sake, I bet she loves it, let her use it to dress up and have FUN with, you know FUN, that's what being a child is about.

Take your stupid adult prejudices and put them in the bin.

At 8 she will soon get bored. She won't be very good at putting it on or taking it off, the less you fight the sooner it will end up gathering dust.

By 10 or 11 she'll do her make up well enough, you'll be halfway down the high street before you realise she has any on.

Honestly, make up, clothes and scruffy hair buns are best only noticed on school days. Even then I refuse to notice how many folds are in DD2s skirt and subtle make up. School can't be bothered to enforce the rules so I'm blowed if I'm going to (they have an hour on the bus to apply three times more war paint, anyway)

[NoComet]

As for looking grown up, I'm sorry to tell you children do grow up, playing at looking grown up is part of that process.

And that is what they are doing playing at looking grown up, not trying to look sexy.

Even my 12y who has had a couple of boy friends, wouldn't get it at all if you picked a fight with her over her tendency to vest tops and shorts, with or without leggings under them.

She dances, she does gymnastics,as close to a leotard as possible is what she feels comfortable in. She'd also point out that her BAg have only ever seen her in informants.

[NoComet]

Twating kindle
BFs have only ever seen her in uniform

[trulyenoughnow]

Yep I'm with starballbunny. I have 3 girls, and honestly in the great scheme of things think just let this one go. Most 8 year olds will take a box of make up, apply it disastrously, go all heavy handed with the applicators, squash a bit in the carpet and then it'll be binned. I see make up for girls as an artistic medium more than anything else. Likely my girls will use a bit to make potions in the bathroom, a bit on paper top model books etc. They go crazy with it for Halloween or for doing their own little theatre shows. I wouldn't teach them to apply it 'properly' and I agree with another poster, there is something hideous about neutral make up perfectly applied on little girls, but IMO experimentation with clothes and make up is a fun part of growing up and self expression. We don't bat an eyelid in this house when ours come down caked in purple eyeshadow and glitter- they're fab girls. They customise their own clothes, they sew, paint, write, etc etc and have brains as big as planets, all of them. So much so that I like to think that they won't be corrupted by a make up box, or a barbie, or a pink tutu.

[DizzyZebra]

I would be slightly annoyed yes.

My four year old plays with some of my make up but only the neon colours. We treat it as play and dress up etc. I wouldn't let her have 'grown up' make up.

She has sone glittery crap i got her which tastes quite nice. She is going to be annoyed her brother has been using it all weekend though...

I would treat it as play things and hope she gets bored.

[DizzyZebra]

Agree with the neutral comments. When DD plays with it its all about putting as many bright colours on yourself as possible.

Sometimes she asks me to do patterns on her and i do neon stripes round her eyes and she laughs her head off looking in the mirror.

[StrawberryTot]

Coldlightofday I disagree with you that adults apply makeup to 'conform to a societal idea of sexy'. When I put concealer on in the morning it has feck all to do with sexy but everything to do with hiding my bags, I want to look awake not sexy. And I don't reckon I'm the only person who disagrees.

[shebird]

So dressing up, mums heels or those plastic dressing up ones is also is also pretending to be a grown up - should parents draw the line there? My DD plays with make up when her friends come to play but does not wear it out. I prefer more neutral pinks etc just because it's easier to remove than harsh black eyeliner and it's also easier to remove from the carpet.

[roamer2]

I think people are really struggling to find what to buy for girl tweeners - given what dd has received - which isn't what she is interested in anyway - feel a bit sorry for her... Although she has some other good stuff.

Its abit tricky if your dd is interested in make up. Maybe ignore it and she will lose interest rather than making it a battle ground

[StrawberryTot]

Because thanks to my mother and father I was unfortunately blessed with ridiculously pale skin, when I have bags I look like a corpse. Hiding them makes me feel better, although I couldn't give a shit about brushing my hair or wearing matching socks.

[Snowdown]

I knew a girl a university she was very clever, very funny but she never felt comfortable being a woman and she so desperately wanted to but she spent her life focusing on learning, dismissing the superficial things like make up and fashion - she never felt attractive - clever yes and loved by her boyfriend who eventually became her dh but she never felt like being attractive was something she was allowed to strive towards...there's balance to be had. I'm not saying an 8 year old needs to experiment with face paint but if she does - why do we demonise it so much?

[StrawberryTot]

It's okay I suppose I want to look 'normal' however that may be a little difficult as my partner and I aren't exactly on the usual normal scale. I often go through a variety of hair colours with piercings and tattoos, my partner is long haired and very heavily tattooed

[stoopstofolly]

Some really interesting points here. Thanks for all the thoughtful comments. I know the makeup was only supposed to be a bit of fun, but I'd rather she spent her last few years as a child doing sport or reading or playing.... doing anything other than learning how to beautify herself and mimicking adulthood. I won't remove the makeup but I will discourage its use (and remove the black eyeliner!)

[Snowdown]

And I am as far away from being pink and well groomed as you'll get but make up and pink are my dd's thing. I will not project my feelings of gender onto her, it's the way she feels and the way she expresses herself and as far as I'm concerned it's not right to tell her she is wrong. If she was a tomboy and refused to wear skirts etc people here would scream at me if I told her she was wrong to express herself in the masculine sense. Let your dd find herself for who she is, you meddle you risk an imbalance...she'll rebel or she back away in fear - neither are good for her.

[StrawberryTot]

There is coldlightofday I agree completely, but i just wanted to point out that applying make up isn't always about wanting to look sexy. There is only one man I want to look sexy for and it isn't with a full face of slap more often than not he finds me more attractive in my natural state (total mess) building Lego

[Snowdown]

Is she going to spend years applying make up and nothing else OP, I think she can play, read and do sport while wearing make up or am I missing something?
Jeez I don't even like make up but I do think this is a load of fuss over nothing. Are you trying to keep children young, trying to protect them from growing up - make up is the blame - really? If your dc had a desire to grow up before her time, make up is not going to make much difference.