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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Why does MIL do this?

53 replies

cheesypastaplease · 26/12/2013 10:55

I love MIL, she is very lovely and would do anything for us and dc but she seems to have a problem.

Yesterday she brought gifts over, she gave 5 year old dd pyjamas aged 7-8, and 2 year old ds pyjamas aged 4-5 years. She also brought dd a dressing up outfit aged 7-8 and ds a dressing gown for 3-4 years. Now my dc are about average height so these things won't fit them for a while - in fact pjs aged 2-3 drown ds as it is!

When questioned she replied they would grow into them! I know her hearts in the right place but it seems like a waste of money!

OP posts:

Longtalljosie · 26/12/2013 11:52

This year I sent MIL and future SIL (who I knew would be doing the shopping) an email saying if they were thinking of getting clothes, here we're their sizes, and specifically that DD2 would be in 12-18 mo until the end of the winter. Worked a treat.

CranberrySaucyJack · 26/12/2013 11:53

I'd have thought it was fairly normal to buy the next up for gifting- unless you were fully aware that the child needed/wanted to wear said item right now?

No point buying a dressing gown (for ex) to fit right now if the child already has one. That is a waste of space and money IMO.

GoingGoingGoth · 26/12/2013 11:55

My MIL always does this, she buys large and DD is small, so we can often be waiting 4 years for clothes to fit.

If I like the clothes we keep them, but I sometimes donate to a charity shop if they are a bit meh.

raisah · 26/12/2013 12:02

Mine do this all the time and it means I have a continuous cycle of clothes to use through the year. It is not a waste of money, she is saving you money in the long run.

DontmindifIdo · 26/12/2013 12:09

Well, again, there's something to be said for getting a bit bigger, say something DCs will fit into within the next 6 months, but clothes they realsitically won't wear for 3 years? That's a gift for in 3 years time, not this year. A Christmas gift surely should be somehting that can be used before next Christmas?

And yes, she might be saving the OP money in the long run, but that doesn't save her money now if she's still got to get PJs for them, and then find somewhere to put these ones.

(I hate clutter and have limited storage, so someone else filling up my house is very irritating)

Pigsmummy · 26/12/2013 12:13

I have same situation but with baby clothes. We have been given a load of lovely winter clothes that will fit in the summer. I can't change them as they are not from shops that we have in the UK. My mil even asked what size then bought the bigger sizes and told extended family to do the same.

AHardDaysWrite · 26/12/2013 12:21

I'd prefer it. My mil buys the dcs gorgeous clothes, but she gets them ages in advance and never thinks ahead to what size the children will actually be wearing at Christmas - this year, dd got a beautiful dress from monsoon, size 3-6 months. Dd is 8 months! She's quite little so it just fits now but she'll be out of it in a month - and mil hasn't got the receipt and the dress will be in the sale now so no point trying to return it. She has lovely taste, I just wish she'd buy bigger sizes (and yes, I have told her - I specifically said this year to buy at least 9-12m, but never mind).

CleverClod · 26/12/2013 13:21

Pyjamas don't 'need' to fit.

They can be worn too big or too small.

It doesn't matter :)

WorrySighWorrySigh · 26/12/2013 13:46

No, they dont need to fit but surely since they have been given as a gift some effort should be made to ensure that they do fit.

CeQueLEnfer · 26/12/2013 13:50

It's also hard for DCs to get the concept of something that's a gift they can't actually use for several years, to most children, that's not a gift, they haven't had a thing they can use/play with.

I also totally agree with this. What is the point of buying something for the future? Why not buy something for now? People who are tight tend to do this. But why? It doesn't save money, it's just stupid.

clary · 26/12/2013 13:51

The alternative for DD is size 5-6... which she would already be in! She might have some as far as MIL knows?

Ditto for DS. Dress up stuff often comes small IME. Sounds OK to me.

WorrySighWorrySigh · 26/12/2013 13:57

But why? It doesn't save money, it's just stupid.

It is Nana Logic - my own DM is a great believer in false economies

clary · 26/12/2013 13:59

Why do people say they won't wear the clothes for 3 years? My DS2 isn't very big but at age 5 he wore 5-6yrs; by 6.5 he was in 7-8 IIRC.

That could be 9mo away for OP's DC. Or are young kids' clothes a lot bigger now?

ChoudeBruxelles · 26/12/2013 14:00

Can't you just change them for the right size?

IneedAsockamnesty · 26/12/2013 14:16

Are some of your children having huge failure to thrive issues?

purplebaubles · 26/12/2013 14:20

MIL got DD a vtech computer thing...aged 4-5.

She's 12 months old.

I feel your pain!

and keeps asking how is DD getting on with it, is it her favourite toy

mousmous · 26/12/2013 14:27

wouldn't be an issue for me.
my dc are tall and the sizings are sooo different from shop to shop. so maybe she is unsure about sizing as well.
pj's are better a bit bigger anyway, esp in winter, imo.

Chottie · 26/12/2013 14:33

In the big scheme of things, it's not really important. Be gracious, say thank you and exchange them for one's that fit.

Your MiL means well, so please cut her some slack....

Floggingmolly · 26/12/2013 14:34

My kids have never worn the "correct" size clothes; always been at least 2 / 3 years ahead, so if I'm giving clothes as a gift to anyone else I automatically go a couple of years up.

WorrySighWorrySigh · 26/12/2013 14:47

OP did post that exchanging wouldnt be possible.

My kids have never worn the "correct" size clothes; always been at least 2 / 3 years ahead, so if I'm giving clothes as a gift to anyone else I automatically go a couple of years up.

err dont you think you should be buying for the recipients' sizes rather than your own DCs'? I can understand that your hand might stray to the larger sizes but surely you then correct yourself?

Original poster

cheesypastaplease · 26/12/2013 15:17

squishy there is no way MIL was being spiteful, she is one of the nicest people you could ever meet - she just has a strange logic!

chottie I'm not sure where I posted that I wasn't grateful for the gift or appreciative of MIL. We have a great relationship and she is included in everything we do.

OP posts:

PoppySeed2014 · 26/12/2013 15:22

Yanbu. Those pj's were just that bit too big !
My sil gave dd a jumper that was 18-24 months. For her second birthday. I returned it but by then it was in the sale and worth all of £3. It's because sil is tiny (literally size 0) whereas my dd is absolutely average and generally fits age appropriate clothes. Was weird and annoying but never mind!

Original poster

cheesypastaplease · 26/12/2013 15:22

purplebaubles that sounds familiar!

socks actually dd has in the past and will always have ongoing health issues so I found your comment quite distasteful actually.

OP posts:

dancingwithmyselfandthecat · 26/12/2013 16:03

My grandmother used to do this. She took me shoppingwhen i was 14 for new jeans. I was adult size 8 and she insisted on buying size16 for growing room!

Cookie08 · 26/12/2013 16:20

Your first line says it all, about her and about you. Both nice people. Could it be nana's showing first signs of difficulty. It happens. It's sad. Be kind. What does it matter if her gift isn't perfect? She still wants to give. Isn't this what Christmas is about? There is no commandment that " thy gift shall be appropriate and exactly what I think you should give my children" Happy New Year Cheesy Pasta Person.

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