to think saying "she wants the D" is disgusting?

[oharaharlot]

Especially when said by a cocky arrogant man.

It's just so demeaning. Or am I just a prude?

[vtechjazz]

I've heard of this D,
That makes girls say 'yes please'
But after a week,
Its burns when they wee.

Toilet wall, tomorrow.

[SugarHut]

"Whilst I must admit, the amazing offer of your dick, is sending me into a giddy whirls of uncontrollable desire, I fear for your medical safety if I remove it from your forehead"

Twat.

[loveolives]

My DP says it to me sometimes 'do you want the D?' I just think it's funny. Depends on the context tbh.

[monicalewinski]

You can make an informal complaint at work and make it clear that you do not require any further action than him being spoken to - it does not have to blow out of proportion at all.

Your work should have and E & D rep who deals with and logs all these sorts of things, and you can even leave it as just a discussion with them if you decide not to do anything else.

Nipping it squarely in the bud does not necessarily mean being the 'girly grass who can't take a joke'.

As Caitlin said, no email as you are entering into a 'tit for tat' then and you lose the moral high ground.

[UsedToBeNDP]

I have never heard this phrase. Luckily

[Trigglesx]

That's true, what Caitlin17 says. Thinking on it, emails are not secure and it could make things worse.

Is there some reason you can't just make a complaint through the appropriate channels?

[Caitlin17]

Seriously. Don't email anyone at work about this.

You are making a serious allegation. Email is not a secure medium.

Email can be forwarded or copied on automatically without the sender knowing; PAs, secretaries, assistants etc can have access to mail boxes without you knowing.

[Caitlin17]

And don't even think of emailing him and cc'ing anyone else. The little creep has the right to have any complaint treated confidentially via the correct forum. You are setting yourself up for disciplinary procedures if you do.

[Caitlin17]

Do not under any circumstances send the suggested email. All you are doing is.giving him an opportunity to wrong foot you.

[Trigglesx]

I suppose you could email the above (by ChasedByBees) and send a cc to your manager/supervisor as well. It might alert him that you mean business.

[ChasedByBees]

I don't think an email to him is a good idea. Reporting it would be far more effective. However, If you really feel like that is the best option be much more factual and hard line.

Perhaps:

"I have heard comments that you have made about me to other members of staff. I consider these comments to be sexual harassment and if there are any further incidences it will be reported to HR."

The problem with that approach though is it opens a dialogue and could just make him go 'underground'. So still being snide and sly with comments but to people who won't tell you. Far far better to report.

[FrostedButts]

I would not engage in dialogue with him about it, he clearly has low self esteem hence using you as a tool (see what I did there?) to boost his own image. So doubtful he will take criticism on the chin.

[FrostedButts]

Oh god just read the actual thread. This guy is an utter stain, no? Turn him into a running joke, or just inform your manager.

[FrostedButts]

Shame I can't post pics on AIBU. this was scrawled on the wall of a pub I was in once. Promptly amended to D...estruction of the patriarchy

[oharaharlot]

I think I might try it informally first - maybe send an email?

Hi.

Basically it's quite a small place we work in and so obviously I've heard the things you've been saying about me - such as I really want the D, etc.

To be honest I find it very unprofessional and extremely crude and misogynistic. I haven't spoken to you in 2 months and can reassure you categorically that I do not want the D.

[squeakytoy]

I would just reply, "if I wanted it, I wouldnt be looking at you"... I cant be doing with all this talk of racing off to HR at the slightest bit of a comment that can easily be deflected and turned back on the gobshite who makes it..

However in this instance it is hearsay.. you dont even know that he HAS said it.

[BabyMummy29]

If I knew what she wants the D meant, I might be able to comment!

[Caitlin17]

"informally"

[Caitlin17]

I'd be wary of tackling it informality. Unless OP , can be very , cool, calm and rational it has potential of.going wrong; especially as he is clearly an idiot. The last thing she wants or needs is any slanging match or name calling which could give him an inch of wriggle room.

Go straight to HR and tell them this has come to your attention and you find it upsetting, embarrassing and will make it difficult for you to work alongside this person.

[monicalewinski]

Sorry, xpost - just seen you work in an office. I do think it needs to be nipped in the bud and it's up to you how formal/informal you make it - absolutely don't ignore it though because it will continue if you do.

[mrsmalcolmreynolds]

Are your colleagues likely to tell the truth if asked by HRor are they the type to close ranks? If the latter I would probably try to deal with it informally to start off with - warn him off in the presence of others and say any more of this will be reported to HR. Then make a note of all you know about when and to who he made the original comments and your warning conversation with him. Then you have a record to use later with HR if you have to.

If your colleagues are likely to tell the truth then I'd be more inclined to skip the warning and teport straight away.

[monicalewinski]

Depends on your working environment tbh.

Mine has always been v male and overrun with ridiculous statements like that. Where I work is very informal/non office - mostly in a t-bar situation when we're not out actually working, so all the banter occurs in the 'crewroom'.

My reply has always been along the lines of "I clearly don't need the fucking cock as everyone knows I've got the biggest cock and bollocks on the lecky desk - why would I want his tadger too??" (usually done at volume and with an adoring audience, with the wanker in earshot).

Obviously this would not be an appropriate retort in an office type setting, and it is entirely up to you how offended you are/what action you will take - but tbh if you don't address it it carries on in an insidious way and by remaining silent you are giving the 'ok' for this sort of thing to be said about you.

It's rubbish and unfair, and it annoys me that in this day and age we still have to deal with wankers like that. (I am ranting, sorry!!). Either way, he's a penis.

[farrowandbawlbauls]

Anyone who says that IS a D.

[oharaharlot]

We used to send chatty emails now and again, and it's a small office and people gossip so I think the rumour went around that I liked him - which I did at the time.

Never said anything inappropriate in any email, it was just general chit chat and getting to know him. I knew he had broken up with someone about 4 months before that and then heard he was back with his girlfriend so pretty much forgot about it, and just gave a general "hi" if we happened to walk by each other at work.

Last time we spoke would have been October (ish) and then I find out he's now been saying -

"I have a girlfriend, and don't have time for that. She just really wants the D"

No. I wanted to get to know him and be friends, and if it took off from there great and if not - so what. When I heard he had a girlfriend I thought it was inappropriate because of the gossip.