to let dd1 (6) be late for school one day?

[muddyprints]

dd1 loves school and likes to get her attendance mark.
but every morning (including weekends) she stands around doing nothing while I try to get us all out on time.
she comes down at 7 and eats breakfast, no problems, but as soon as we go upstairs to get ready she literally just stands there. I put her uniform out and tell her to wash and dress. 5 mins later while im washing dd2 I look in her room and she is gazing out the window. I tell her again to get ready and 5 mins later she is looking at some pants.
I have tried making it a race with me, with her sister, counting while she does things, getting ready and going downstairs without her sh she can just get on, telling her she will be late, but everyday is the same.
aibu to just once not nag her and let her be late so she realises it is her getting the late mark not me.

[sOODdragon]

at the moment 7-7.30 is breakfast then they play till 8 then get ready for 8.30

As others have said.
There is your problem and solution all in one - they don't get to play until they are ready.

[paperlantern]

yabvu. what if she decides she quite likes being late? you're totally up the creek without a paddle cos you've let it happen once.

yes of course no playtime before she's ready to go with bag by the door

[VerySmallSqueak]

I try to time it so there is no playtime.

Otherwise mine have messed their hair up again by the time they've wrestled on the floor with the dog!

[Mumoftwoyoungkids]

The "playtime last" thing seems to work well with dd and bedtime. Her bedtime is 7:30. If she eats her dinner sensibly and cooperates with getting ready for bed then there is a good half hour for bedtime stories. If she doesn't then there may only be a few minutes or even no story at all.

It's what I call the "up to you - I don't mind" school of parenting.

[Sokmonsta]

Ditch the play time as it's time she could spend getting dressed. She will learn she gets none the longer she takes.

If you're worried about dressing before breakfast and spillages, invest in an apron. Alternatively my school of thought is if it gets dirty I'll wipe it up and they will still wear it. It's not like they come home pristine every day anyway.

It honestly only takes once or twice getting to school on time but in a part dressed state for them not to want to so that again. Dd went minus hair being brushed and no shoes or socks - I made her put crocs on before walking to school as I'm not quite that mean. The disappointment from her teacher at seeing her come in all sulky and half ready was enough for her to apologise on the spot and be mindful when reminded that I've done it once so have no qualms doing it a second time. I refuse to let her be late to school as that has a knock on effect of ds being late for prescho.

[trinity0097]

Speak to her teacher and ask what she is like getting changed at school. I teach a boy who cannot cope with getting dressed without constant adult supervision and he is in yr 6, but meant to be in year 7. From what you have described is just like his mum described getting him dressed in the mornings and i know the pe teachers find the same changing for sport. Could she have special needs and this is one of the symptoms?

[TheIggorcist]

Based on the comments on this thread about other people's dcs I think it highly unlikely we can diagnose special needs based on a reluctance to get dressed in the morning

[muddyprints]

academically, she is doing very well at school but she is quite young for her age and overthinks things a lot.
it seems this is quite common after all.
dd2 is 3.0 and can dress very quickly and can be heard telling her sister what to do "dd2, why don't you put your socks on like me, its a school day"
dinnertime is also stressful as she is very slow (and at school) and again sits staring or just relentlessly talks so we all finish and she has hardly eaten.
she is very slow.

[muddyprints]

I will start no playtime till she is completely ready and if that doesn't work she will dress before breakfast. they are good ideas thank

[unlucky83]

I agree - no play till ready
You could try a wall chart/timetable...if she can't read - or even if she can you can draw stick people
So she has pants and socks on by x time, blouse and skirt by x time teeth and face by x time you will brush her hair at x time..
All you do is tell her the time - ie is 8.05 (at first you might have to say you should have your pants and socks on now...) then it is 8.10 etc etc
DD1 was a nightmare for this - I used to end up helping her get dressed - she did eventually improve but even now at almost 13 I have to remind her of the time - and sometimes help her put her blazer and coat on at the last minute in order for her not to miss the bus!
DD2 (6) will get her own clothes out and get her self dressed in 5 mins flat - although she likes racing with me the best...I think it is a personality thing ...she does daydream sometimes and needs reminding - perhaps once once a week!
I'm always late - DP is always early. DD1 has my genes - DD2 DPs ...

[ShriekingGnawer]

Put an apron on over her uniform at breakfast. No going downstairs until she is dressed.

[ShriekingGnawer]

DS1 was like this at 6 but at 7 he's always the first one ready. There is hope!

[moogalicious]

What DIY said. She doesn't need to tell the time. This is my routine with 3 dcs, dc1 still being a daydreamer at 11.

6.30 me up and showered, go downstairs have breakfast
7.00 dc1 in shower, dc2 and 3 get dressed
7.15 dc2 and 3 breakfast
7.30 dc2 and 3 teeth and wash, dc1 breakfast
7.45 dc1 teeth

They can then watch TV/play/whatever until we leave at 8.10

Dc1 is older so needs to shower, but the younger ones are always dressed before they come down for breakfast. An no tv etc until they are ready.

[tallulah]

You've described my 6 yo to a T. We've always done breakfast then come back upstairs to get dressed, because she always drops food down her front, but she will just sit.

Just lately we've started getting dressed before breakfast and it does seem to speed everything up a bit.

Mine is like it at school too. When I collect her from after school gymnastics all the other kids will be ready with shoes and coats on, and she will just be sat in her pants.

[FortyDoorsToNowhere]

I get ready when DC are having breakfast, I dress DD while DS gets dressed.

No tv or playing until everyone is ready.

[junkfoodaddict]

I'm a teacher and 12 years ago a 6 year old in my class refused to get ready for school. Her mum calmly carried her out of the house (at this point kicking and screaming when she realised her mum was not just giving idle threats) and into the car. She practically dragged her daughter through the classroom door, calmly apologised for her daughter's lateness and for her 'state of dress' - she was still in her nightdress. Her mum had put her school clothes in a bag and politely asked if her daughter could change at school as she refused to at home. The little girl was mortified and promptly got dressed (at this point crying with embarrassment). She never did it again.
6 year olds do care and it will be noticed when she realises just how much trouble she'll be in if she cares enough about her lateness mark. Also, I think change your morning schedule - get dressed BEFORE coming downstairs and that way breakfast and play is leisurely.

[ExcuseTypos]

Yes as everyone else says - no playing until you are ready for school. That means everything done, breakfast, dressed, teeth, school bag, coats and gloves ready etc.

It always worked with my 2 and they were never late. Do it now when she is young and it will stick with her forever.

[Blatherskite]

My 6yo DS does this too and I also don't dress him until after breakfast to save on washing.

What has helped are :
No play time until he's totally ready for school. Sometimes this means no play time at all.
Taking him to school in whatever state he's in when the time to leave comes. I gave him his coat but the rest was stuffed in a bag.
and the best one...
Making him get dressed on the landing rather than in his room. He was closer to me in the bathroom getting myself ready and the change of scenery and lack of things to play with helped him to concentrate.

[ExcuseTypos]

Another thing which helped my 2 get dressed quickly in the winter, was putting their clothes on the radiators.

They'll be toasty warm when they come to put them on.

[TwoStepsBeyond]

I tell my Dd that she can play/watch Tv if she has any spare time., but that time is not spare unless you are ready to leave, so once you are breakfasted, washed, toothbrushed, hair brushed, dressed, bags packed, shoes and coat ready by the door, then you have SPARE time. Until then it's just time.

[WeileWeileWaile]

I agree with what everyone has said, but is your DD getting enough sleep, OP?

I only ask because I do the trancy thing too when getting dressed, if I'm tired and I'm a lot older than 6.

[FunkyBoldRibena]

Stop the play until they are all dressed, and if she isn't dressed, take her to school in pyjamas.

[intitgrand]

Get them dressed as soon as they get up!

[Retroformica]

I know you don't like the idea but the solution is getting changed before breakfast. Mine do. It works. Yes there is the odd spill but I just use a wet wipe.

[muddyprints]

ok will try dressing first this week, and I like the idea of clothes on the landing so she cant grab a book or paper and start writing.
she sleeps 8 till 6.30ish when she wakes naturally. she is very tired by the end of a school week and gets teary and pale. she is too tired for after school activities. school seems to shatter her.