To return the favour to my DSis this Christmas?

[NorfolkInGood]

Last year I put a lot of time and effort into getting my DSis a gift card for Christmas as she never buys herself new clothes. I received on Christmas Day a picture that had been made by me DN at school and that's it. It's also my birthday a couple of weeks after Christmas and last year she didnt send me a card which I was quite upset about. My DP asked her and she said she'd posted one yet when one arrived a week later the stamp was dated the day after my DP has spoken to her. It's her birthday around that time too so I made sure I sent her a card and gift well in advance.

So my question is, do I not bother getting her anything this year on Christmas/Birthday?. I don't want to feel how I felt again this year. She doesn't work yet her and her partner still manage to go to the pub whenever possible.

Apologies for rambling

[GreenShadow]

Err, OK Norfolk - not the most original idea was it.

Hope you had fun wasting our time.

[WorraLiberty]

Far from having a laugh, this thread has just reminded me that from Christmas night onwards...we're going to be spammed with the usual threads by people moaning about their gifts/lack of gifts/how much was spent.

Talk about the season of goodwill...

[DontmindifIdo]

Erm, a gift card, isn't that just one step up from giving cash?

Look, you seem to be confusing spending money with making effort. I would argue that getting DN to make a gift for you took more time and effort than buying a gift card. What it didn't take is more money.

Don't pretend it's the lack of effort that's upsetting you, it's the lack of money.

Anyway, I think the suggestion of talking to her, checking if you are just going to do gifts for the DCs this year or not at all for birthdays, you might find it easier to cope with if you aren't expecting anything.

[Doctorbrownbear]

I wouldn't get her anything. Well done to all the virtuous and righteous people saying you don't give to receive, but she doesn't even bother sending a card and souns pretty tight. I think I would resent giving her anything.

[CalamityKate]

Well buying a gift card takes more effort than buying nothing!
I like gift cards :)
Yeah yeah you don't give to receive and all that. Very true but still - OP I wouldn't bother in future.

[happyyonisleepyyoni]

Dear mums net, my DD spent ages drawing a lovely picture for her aunt's Xmas present from us. In return I got a gift card for a clothes shop when my sister knows I am not interested in buying clothes.

AIBU?

[AbiRoad]

My BIL (DH's brother) and SIL do not spend much on people at Christmas. In fact, one year they gave MIL a CD and when she opened it, it was missing from the box and turns out they had listened to it (and no doubt recorded it) and failed to put it back. They have brass necks though (there are many stories..). It does not affect what we spend on them.
On the other hand, my brother one year significantly cut the amount he spent. We were not bothered by this as assumed money was tight and continued to spend the same amount on him and his family the following year. My mum then had a word that he was hoping that people would take the hint to reduce expenditure in line with his. I said I really didn't mind spending more, but he was not comfortable with it. We therefore now reduced a bit what we spend on him and his family.
Is it possible that by giving you what she did last year, she was dropping a hint that she wanted you to cut back too. If so, I would go along with it but I would otherwise assume money issues and would continue to spend what you feel comfortable with in light of your finances.
I cant get fussed about missed birthday cards. This is because DH and I are both crap about this ourselves, but we do always manage to call or email on the day even if the card is late.
BTW I think gift cards can be thoughtful gifts. A family friend who we buy for loves photography and was admriing our photo books and saying how she would love to do one but could not justify the cost herself. So I got her vouchers for this. She was absolutely deligted. Unfortunately they were for Jessops which went under before she got to use them ... (I did then give her cash, but dont know if she used it on a photobook)

[amyshellfish]

Bloody hell was there any need for that op?

[NorfolkInGood]

talk guidelines must allow indirect trolling. Thanks Mumsnet

[Vivacia]

I love the line, I put a lot of time and eff into getting my dearsis a giftcard it's really cheered me up.

[MrsDavidBowie]

Just tell your dsis that you are not doing adult presents this year.
Saves all the angst.

[Vivacia]

Or decide that every present exchanged must be home made and under a budget of £3.99.

[Financeprincess]

Let's give the OP a break. I can see why she'd be upset at her sister's behaviour. I second the suggestions about talking to her and agreeing a joint approach to presents though.

[CoolaSchmoola]

I think the op doesn't understand the concept of trolling. People who disagree with you are not trolls. People who find your posts amusing are not trolls.

This is AIBU, you're going to get honesty, some blunter than others. Just because someone says 'YABU and the wording YOU chose to use in YOUR post makes you sound xxxx' does not make them trolls. If you don't like the responses maybe it's because they are a bit too close to the bone. Truth hurts?

[CoolaSchmoola]

And everyone knows a gift card, although lovely, is the go to gift when you either don't know what to get someone or can't be arsed to scour the shops. The reason people are amused by 'lot of time and effort' is because generally a gift card takes little time or effort, it's what people buy to save time and effort.

I love gift cards, but even so I always think the giver bought it as the easy option, letting me do the actual trawling to find something I'd like instead of them making the effort to try to find something I'd like themselves. For me the finding of the perfect gift is integral to giving, the best part is seeing someone's face as they open something that is perfect for them. You don't get that with gift cards.