To suggest that habitual obsession with facebook is socially dysfunctional?

[JellyBilly]

Ok, so have name changed for this so as not to offend anyone I know!

As a secondary school teacher I see many adverse consequences that facebook and other social media can have on kids and their self esteem. However more recently, I am becoming more annoyed with some of my 'grown up' friends and colleagues and how they use it. For some of them, I would say they seem to be living quite a big part of their life through it.

I have one friend in my network that seems to update status at least every 40 minutes or so. Posts pictures of road signs, plates of food, checks in here there and everywhere, train stations, bars, restaurants, even walking the dog.

I'm not sure whether to be more concerned about their apparent need to share every moment of the day with the hundreds of people they are connected with, or the sheer amount of people that 'like' everything posted or manage to comment on it with such frequency.

Frustrations growing, I then went out for diner with a facebook friend I have not seen for a while on Saturday, only to find that having taken our photo at the table, checked us in at the restaurant on FB and posted the picture, she then proceeded to spend the rest of the night and most of Sunday morning constantly checking FB on her phone! Rude!

Is it unreasonable to say that I just don't care what my FB friends and family are doing or where they are at every minute of every day? That I refuse to get drawn into becoming obsessed over content from people who are invariably either trying to 'show off', be funny, are constantly seeking approval, or obsessing over what everyone else is posting?
For otherwise stable adults with real relationships in the real world I don't understand the obsession?

Surely one can't invest all that emotional energy in constantly checking and responding on what others are doing or telling the rest of the world what they are doing or where they are and constantly checking for responses or acknowledgement, without it having a detrimental impact on the people around them in real life?

Is there something wrong with these people or AIBU?

[passedgo]

I must say I can't bear facebook boasters. One woman I only hear anything about when she's in an exotic location on an expensive family holiday. Not an interesting picture of something fascinating, just 'look at me, I'm here, isn't that great!'

I do love pictures of kids doing silly things or quirky photos, shared songs are good, general personal news, but I really hate those kitten memes and 'wise sayings' and all those stupid petitions about really obvious things that everyone knows about and the government knows about and nobody agrees with but it will take time to sort out. Like those animal coffee bean things. Yes it's wrong, but there's no need to go on and on about it.

But otherwise it's great, particularly if you haven't got time to tell everyone about what you're doing or what you've been up to each time you see them. They know already, so when you meet up in real life you can talk about new things.

[passedgo]

Freddie you need to change your friend's status to 'Only Important Updates'.

[OldandDusty]

YANBU

I don't think you're being judgmental or superior either.

I worry about my two teenage DC's and the amount of time they spend on it. I worry about one or two of my friends too. Very unhealthy, even if not posting just the constant checking it.

Though I do agree with those who mention the benefits of FB as for me its a great way to stay in touch with a couple of people that I otherwise would probably lose touch with.

I log on once a week and check their home pages as I don't have time to wade through the amount of meaningless newsfeed.

[manicinsomniac]

YABU

Facebook is great. I can't remember the last time I needed to send a personal text or email. It's a totally free way of keeping in close contact with friends al over the country and world at any time of the day. Everybody can share news, photos etc as they wish and, if you don't want to read something, hide it.

Facebook was never meant for kids though. It annoys me that teenagers use it. When I first got it you had to have an academic email address (and it wasn't even all universities at first). When it became a general public thing I think it improved in some ways because you could keep in touch with people who didn't go to uni. But it also meant that kids could get involved which is a big downside.

[Joysmum]

I don't think it's just limited to Facebook tbh. I have friends who don't do forums or chat rooms or anything else which isn't in person or on the phone and can't see why I do. They have less time for it than I do and my usage and enjoyment of tech related virtual relationships (like modern day pen pals I suppose) is more prevalent the less I have going on in my non virtual life.

[hellokittymania]

I use mine a lot. It helps to keep in touch with friends and it can be educational too. I have SN including visual impairment so learn a lot of things (about events, made a few friends in Indonesia so learning Indonesian)

It isn't all bad. :)

[PresidentServalan]

I don't think that it is something to be concerned about with adults - I have a FB 'habit' as I don't want real life friends but have lots of FB friends, with whom I have a lot in common.

[persimmon]

I agree with the OP; I've been increasingly dismayed and puzzled by my intelligent friends living their lives on FB. One has even made a snipey comment to me about never communicating with her via FB even though we see each other IN REAL ACTUAL YOU KNOW LIFE regularly!

[TheFabulousIdiot]

"I think you fail to see the distinction between having a facebook account to stay in touch with people you rarely see or are far away as opposed to using it as a tool to feed your social insecurities. You can hardly avoid the mountains of meaningless crap when you do log on in your newsfeed."

why do you think that people who use it to post 'lots of meaningless crap' have 'social insecurities'?

There are plenty of ways you can avoid the 'mountains of meaningless crap', after all YOU are in charge of what you see on your own facebook wall and if someone posts tons of 'meaningless crap' you can easily adjust your settings so none of that meaningless crap appears on your wall.

I don't understand why people find this so difficult. Plus, it takes some effort to scroll down a page to view that meaningless crap. On my PC my screen only shows 4 or so updates (less if they include large pictures) and so I have to actively make the decision to scroll down to read more. On my phone sometimes I can only see one.

If what you hate is the IDEA that people are posting stuff then maybe you need to try to work out why that offends you so much. If you are actually seeing all this crap then maybe it would be worth adjusting your settings a bit.

[passedgo]

I think it's great for young people, I used to spend hours as a teen talking to a friend on the phone, the one landline phone in the house. Be careful what you wish for, doubters, because without facebook that's the alternative. Huge mobile phone bills and millions of texts in a language that you can't understand.

At least with fb you can keep an eye on what they are doing. In fact many of my friends are friends with their teenage children on facebook and have exchanges on there that they might not have in real life while sitting in the same room!

I have found that over the years the friends I have on facebook are actually the ones that I get on with on a deeper level. Because of the openness involved you can see what people really are like, much more so than you could in real life.

Although I must say my very best friend doesn't do facebook at all as she is dyslexic, but she browses through sometimes. Facebook will never replace those strong friendships where only a good few hours over a drink will do. It just enriches them and avoids the timewasting.

[GeorgianMumto5]

YANBU. I've fallen out of love with it today, in fact. I really like that I've been able to keep more in touch with distant relatives and friends and I have some friends on there whose posts consistently make me laugh and brighten my day, but I am so fed up with all the 'visible caring' that goes on, over various issues. I know that makes me sound like an old curmudgeon, but I don't want to know, via fb that people are wearing poppies and putting on a public display of what they imagine to be solemnity - just wear the poppy, folks! I've just had enough of the homogeneity of thought that fb posts seem to encourage.

Anyway, that's by the by. YANBU: excessive fb use is detrimental to normal human relationships and it does seem to encourage that kind of usage.

[Bumblequeen]

FB is good for keeping in touch.

I know several people who post a lot on FB. Their lunches/evening meals are displayed for all to see.

I do not understand people who use the 'check in' function especially when travelling abroad. Are they not worried about informing others their home is empty? Even mentioning attending a forthcoming wedding/other day out informs people you will be out for the best part of the day which is risky.

[PickAnMix]

A friend recently suggested that in her opinion we 'ought' to be facebook friends, but wanted to know who else I was friends with on FB before extending an invite as she wanted to know who else might see what she is up to. I mean come on..

YANBU OP.

And GeorgianMum, regarding homogeneity of thought encouraged. Yes, yes and yes. There are so many amazing things in this world. Facebook (or pictures of your own dinner) is not one of them.

[JellyBilly]

Fabulous idiot, thanks for the advice. There are some people at work I don't get either. Perhaps I will just delete myself from my job whilst I am at it..

For the intelligent responses - thanks for the balanced opinions. Clearly not alone in my frustrations!

I agree that FB can be a good thing for keeping in touch with people you may for one reason or another not be able to keep in touch with in real life and for sharing genuine news or humour.

Though in my opinion I think there is a difference between using FB for this as opposed to obsessive checking or posting several times a day. Particularly when that becomes a distraction for, or draws your emotional energy away from real life relationships.

GeorgianMum - I think your post sums it up perfectly.

For those posters with learning difficulties or genuine mental health issues, thanks for highlighting the benefit that it can bring to people in different situations.

[TheFabulousIdiot]

"Fabulousidiot, thanks for the advice. There are some people at work I don't get either. Perhaps I will just delete myself from my job whilst I am at it"

The difference between a job and Facebook is that you have no control over who you work with unless you just give up the job or are the employer. Facebook and what you see on it is fairly controllable.

I just don't understand when people complain about what they can see even though they do actually have some control over the situation, the ultimate control being - just don't have a Facebook. Or at the very least just limit it to the people you want to keep in touch with who live too far away for you to regularly see them. Or use email and the telephone. That would be the intelligent and balanced response, rather than getting fed up with what you see on there, surely?

I just don't understand why something like using Facebook a lot is Socially dysfunctional when it's possible the people doing it also have a social life in 'real' life?


Anyway,

not going to get MY knickers in a twist about it.

[eofa1]

Totally agree. Can't understand all these threads moaning about all sorts of fb behaviour. You don't have to look, you don't have to be friends with these people, or you can just remove them from your feed. What on earth is the problem?

[LuckyFeet]

Thinks that FabulousIdiot and eofa are wildly missing OP's point.

[eofa1]

Yes, you're right actually. Didn't read it properly and just responded in knee jerk fashion because have read quite a few threads lately where people are moaning about oure,y what they "have" to see on fb. Rereading I understand the OP is getting at the impact fb can have on real life situations. For me fb is still more of a positive thing, but see what she's saying. Sorry!

[eofa1]

Purely, not oure,y ...

[CommanderShepard]

I was socially dysfunctional well before Facebook.

[Perspective21]

Does using MN make one socially dysfunctional or not, as there are no photos of dinners?
I use MN and I use FB to stay in contact with other parents on Additional Needs Groups. These groups are a force for good, like MN. IMO the key is how you use the facilities... It's just new technology for a good old gossip.
This week my DH is away on a residential training course, I can easily, and for free, keep in touch with friends and get 3 DCs ( one with SN) to bed.
You sound a little judgey, not all FB ers are snapping away every 5 mins. Some of us use FB with discretion and intellect.

Excuse typos if any as typing on phone while my boy just nods off.

[MealMachine]

I love this thread. There is an obvious conflict between those that feel threatened by it and those that agree.

As for OP being 'judgey'. I can't speak for her but I can say that I certainly use my judgement to determine behaviours acceptable to me in my friendships? So guilty as charged on that one!

Agree that it's not the facilities but the way that some choose to use it.

Though agree this is missing OP's point (which is not unreasonable IMO).

So back to my socially dysfunctional life, where a meal out would be an important status update!

[SlangKing]

I have a FB account cuz most of my RL friends live in other cities so it's like an online address book. Beyond that, I think it might be the DULLEST website in the online universe,,, and I think I've figured out why. MOST people above 40 are married/divorced with kids AND have likely been online since its inception. So, in their friends lists are people who, prior to FB/SocNets, would never have met and certainly not socialised. RL friends, online friends, parents, kids, aunts, uncles, nephews, nieces, work colleagues. IRL, teenagers don't want adults/family to know half of what they get up to. Parents don't want their kids/other parents to know what they USED to get up to. Your RL friends don't want your online friends thinking they're twats and vice versa, and NOBODY wants their boss to find out anything that might harm their prospects. As a result, most ppl there live in constant terror of "being found out." Hence, they post the blandest shite imaginable. Terrified to express an opinion, reluctant to make jokes, lest anyone should think ill of them. It's amusing to think about,,, but ultimately kinda sad when you see opinionated, hilarious friends reduced to closeted shells of their usual shells. If I want a decent convo'/debate/flame war or a real-time laugh,, anon message forums are where it's at. Or I go out. Certainly, you'll rarely find those things on FB. Tis a sad place.

[SlangKing]

Shells II should be 'selves'.

[MealMachine]

Oh and meant to say. Totally getting the posting from a and e thing. Even when on behalf of. Wtf?!?