WIBU to ignore my DH's wishes?

[MrsSparkles]

I work with my parents in a family business, we have made a decision in the business which my DH completely disapproves of (he does not work in the business, but I will quite often ask his for his opinion or thoughts, even though he works in something totally different).

Anyhow, he totally disagrees with this decision and so is refusing to help me out with childcare etc while I need to do some travelling. Am I being unreasonable to just ignore him, make my plans and leave DD with my mum (it's for 1 night) if he refuses to help?

[RevelsRoulette]

looks after his child?

If someone 'helps' with something, it's because they are helping someone else with something that is not their responsibility.

I carry my shopping from the car
I help my neighbour to carry their shopping from the car

I look after my kids
I help my neighbour by babysitting their kids.

That's why so many people find the idea of a man 'helping' with anything that is involved in the raising of his children or the maintaining of his home so annoying. It sends a clear message that it is the woman's job and he is kindly offering assistance.

It's one of those times when language matters.

[thehorridestmumintheworld]

Op your dh is BU but it seems like all this could escalate into a big problem in the family. I think you should really try to talk to him about it. Its silly to have a big bust up over the name of a business. You don't want to set your parents and dh at odds with each other by siding with them and getting them to look after dd, this could end up causing a lot of bad feeling, but your dh has to realise he is putting you in a very difficult position with your parents and when he is not even involved in the business. Its not enough that he supports you so you can earn less, my dh supports me in the same way but he doesn't have a say in the business I work for. So if he wants to be involved in the family business he must talk to your parents about how he can do that, maybe by investing financially if he doesn't have time to work himself. It sounds like the business could use investment so this may be agreeable to your parents. Then if the business does well and maybe even expands you will all benefit and maybe your dh can bring some skills or knowledge from his own career to help improve the business, instead of working against it. You must tell him how important family is to you and point out the advantages of working together and getting along as a family. Maybe he does not see where this could lead if he starts interfering negatively so try and persuade him and get him to help the family.

[FunkyBoldRibena]

Sounds a bit as if he would rather the business went bust and then you'd be there for 24/7 childcare, no?

[MrsSparkles]

I think he harks back to the days when we both earned close to 6 figures, and had no money worries at all. He doesn't realise how much pressure I take off him, by always being available for sickness, pick ups etc, and the saving in childcare expense. I think if I went back to work full time he'd have a nasty shock! However I am way more stressed running my own business (being responsible for 60 people's jobs is a lot of pressure on me).

However we'll try for another conversation tonight and see how I get on, but if I go away and have to leave DD with Mum then so be it, I'm not budging from that stance.

[oscarwilde]

Perhaps point out that if the business fails that you will be going back to work FT in your previous career.....