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AIBU?

Would this piss you off or am i being a bit princess'ey

30 replies

Leopardprintsock · 30/10/2013 16:30

Its half term and we had arranged to go for lunch with my mother. Its just DD and I and this was a cheap mid week treat as the half term has been spend doing a lot of chores/ things that needed doing.

Mum was meant to pick us up at 12:30... we went out earlier to get a few errands done so we would be back in time. At 11am she calls to say she doesnt want to come anymore that shes busy in the garden and would we mind if she didnt. DD is 7 and had been really looking forward to it she visibly sank and i said we would still go but DD said it wasnt the same and kept saying how sad she was about it.

Off we went. just got out food and mum called again to say if we waited an hour she could come. It was already 12:45 at this point and we were at the table already but said we would pick up some cake and bring it round to eat with her and she said that would be nice.

we get to hers and theres no answer. Rang the doorbell several times, knocked on the back gate, shouted... nothing. Didnt have my phone on me . left her cake in the porch. DD was more upset and i was cross.

Got home and then had calls from her asking where we were..... she said she was there the whole time. rather than saying sorry she blamed me... said it was pathetic that DD was upset... how its my fault shes in her garden as last year she had helped me move house how out or order i am... etc etc......

so - verdict?

OP posts:

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Lilacroses · 30/10/2013 18:42

How unfair of her!! Of course your Dd is upset about it, most children would be! It's really sad that she has treated you both this way and isn't in the least apologetic.....especially after she mucked you about all morning and you had to do all sorts of juggling to accomodate her.

Tulip26 · 30/10/2013 18:19

Sorry but your mother sounds perfectly vile. I think she was deliberately ignoring you as she was already pissed off and looking for further excuse. Take your daughter with you tomorrow. Plenty of toys, sweets and books. You'll only be a door or two away if she needs you urgently.

ilovesooty · 30/10/2013 18:05

Absolutely not your fault. I'm not surprised you're upset.

pictish · 30/10/2013 17:33

Then it's absolutely not your fault.
Yeah...she sounds a bit like my mum in that respect. I never knew my mum apologise to anyone, or admit to being wrong about anything in my entire life. She was very stubborn indeed.

brettgirl2 · 30/10/2013 17:33

in that case, in answer to your original question I would be pissed off.

Leopardprintsock · 30/10/2013 17:29

yes she does.... all the time. you cant ever disagree with her and shes always right.... and is well known in the family for being like that.

i couldnt get in the garden. I tried the gate which was locked. its an 7ft high double gate that opens. we shouted loud.. the dog was the other side of the gate barking, we were talking to her. There is no side for us to get down and no other garden access.

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pictish · 30/10/2013 17:26

OP - my mother was a lovely woman and a great mum, but one fault she did possess, is that she could never admit to being wrong or hack critisism, even if quite mild and justified.

If I ever told her something she had done or said had upset/annoyed/offended me, she would swiftly turn it round to my being too sensitive, and would accuse me of being 'volatile', even if I was quite calm in doing so, and dismiss any further discussion on the subject. It would leave me feeling stupid and small.

She died eight years ago, but were she alive today, I'd be having none of her deflection tactics. I haven't inherited that personality trait and now know it to be manipulative.

She dicked you around, yes...but you might have checked the garden, I think. I don't hear the door when I'm in ours.
Her reaction seems disproportionate though. Does she usually assume the higher ground, and get nasty like that?

ShatnersEmptyCatacomb · 30/10/2013 17:09

I'd be really worried about my mum if she acted like that. Is your mum usually unpredictable and poorly organised?

Leopardprintsock · 30/10/2013 17:05

ill take her then... ill call and check first. Besides its not far from iceland and i can pop in for a cheeky hamwich. havent had one for years, guilty pleasure.
:)

OP posts:

DontPanicMrMannering · 30/10/2013 17:01

I'd take her rather than cancel 30m is really not very long, I've entertained my 4 year old in the hairdressers for an hour on the ipad.

Take her a book / colouring / cartoons on a phone if you have one I'm sure a solicitor used by women's aid will be used to stray children in reception.

FortyDoorsToNowhere · 30/10/2013 17:01

I would imagine that a WA place will be used to having mothers take children in on their own.

TheSurgeonsMate · 30/10/2013 16:59

That would piss me right off. And I wouldn't be able to see why she felt that the two of you ought to be bickering about how a third person is feeling .

I was going to make fieldfare's suggestion. I'm sure it's within the job description of a solicitor's receptionist to ensure that a child sitting with a book doesn't get up and wander out the door.

Leopardprintsock · 30/10/2013 16:59

DD is ok. we had a nice time. Her pet died recently and her fathers ramped up the abuse which i have copped... but which she did know about so the let down is maybe more of an issue than it might be normally.

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Leopardprintsock · 30/10/2013 16:56

its a 30 min appt. i shall call in the morning and ask if its ok. 30 mins is a long time sat in a solicitors on your own at 7 and im not sure of the appropiateness of it.

OP posts:

Andro · 30/10/2013 16:55

she responded by telling me it was ridiclous/pathetic that DD felt upset at being let down at the last min.

So she would prefer your DD to have so little emotional connection to her/anyone that a last minute letdown is meaningless? That's a recipe for attachment issues right there!

Lots of hugs for your DD and an explanation that not everyone behaves the way we would like, it's not nice but we have to move forward.

mrsjay · 30/10/2013 16:44

YANBU my mum is like this and used to make promises to dds and always backed out it is hurtful and makes you feel like you are a bother mum now sees dd1 loads as she phones to drive her shopping makes me cross that dd does it but i dont say anything , I hope your dd is ok it is horrible to be letdown

fieldfare · 30/10/2013 16:44

If your dd is 7 can she come to the appt with you but sit outside the office with a few sweeties and a ds?
Your mum is out of order and I'd not be accepting a favour from her.

Leopardprintsock · 30/10/2013 16:44

it had ran out of credit. i couldnt call out but could accept incoming calls.
sorry, should have said that instead.

OP posts:

Leopardprintsock · 30/10/2013 16:43

i told her it was shitty in response to her saying i was trying to make her feel guilty that DD was upset. I said i wasnt.. and that the guilt was hers as it was a bit of a shitty thing to do. she responded by telling me it was ridiclous/pathetic that DD felt upset at being let down at the last min.

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BalloonSlayer · 30/10/2013 16:42

YANBU she sounds awful.

How come you didn't have your phone with you though when you had it in the restaurant? BTW I wouldn't blame you if you'd thought "I've rung the doorbell, shouted, and banged on the gate, sod it, I'm not phoning"

prissyenglisharriviste · 30/10/2013 16:41

Sure - she didn't hear you and you and dd are upset. It would probably have been more appropriate to laugh about it and wonder if she needed her hearing checked (and make a mental note to take your phone with you next time - I thought she had called you on it?) but sometimes our emotions get the better of us.

But the pair of you arguing over it all and upsetting yourselves and your dd further is a bit pointless.

Just walk away and calm down. It sounds as though you've had a rough time, and don't need to create any more drama.

Leopardprintsock · 30/10/2013 16:41

i told her it was a bit shitty...
it didnt go down well and now ww3 has kicked off.

i dont really have anyone who can have DD tomorrow. im a bit screwed tbh. Its an appt via womens aid so im lucky to have to have got it. But fear im now going to have to cancel.

OP posts:

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curlew · 30/10/2013 16:39

Is this normal behaviour for her? Because if it isn't, I would be worried rather than pissed off.....

Handbagsonnhold · 30/10/2013 16:38

You'd made arrangements for lunch....it's upsetting that she cancelled and then I'd imagine irritating that she's decided to join you but you are already there. She should be grateful you left the cake at all! I'd be a bit miffed....I get a similar thing with my parents find it annoying....

brettgirl2 · 30/10/2013 16:37

Is she ok? Does she normally behave this way, if it was my mum I would be worried tbh.....

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