AIBU - school didn't tell parents....

[Yankeecandlequeen]

that an after school sporting event was cancelled? DD does sport after school, game cancelled, kids told at lunch time, they didn't tell any of the parents.

I waited to watch the game till 3:30, went over to see staff at school who confirmed "game on". decided to go home (2 miles away) to change and drive down again then in walked DD having caught the school bus.

Say I have planned to take the car to the garage whilst she participated (no other parents really stay to watch!) and she got home and I wasn't there. No mobile (strict no mobile policy in school) and no door key (she's 11 so no need for one as I am always home before her).

I've mailed the head to ask about their policy - or the lack of it!

Surely you'd like to be kept in the loop seeing they are their sole responsibility during the match?

[ilovesooty]

I agree Goldmandra:

[Goldmandra]

I would have thought new parents should have sufficient common sense to realise that communication would be different in a much bigger school. Surely they would see that expecting the status quo to apply would not be realistic?

They would have to think it through properly to realise that. Not everybody will. The parents whose 9 YOs I took in from the snow hadn't.

There are lots of things that schools need to explain to new parents which they would realise by themselves if they took the time to think it through properly e.g. we can't spend all day walking to classrooms giving messages to children from their parents.

[ilovesooty]

I would have thought new parents should have sufficient common sense to realise that communication would be different in a much bigger school. Surely they would see that expecting the status quo to apply would not be realistic?

[bigbluebus]

DSs school allow mobile phones but they have to be switched off and out of sight in bags during school time. They are allowed to use the phone in the office to ring parents if there is a good reason. However, school are pretty good at texting parents about events that are on and off - including things that are happening in 6th form - which surprised me as I thought they would give the responsibility to the students once they were that age. It may be because 70% of students come in on buses that the school are so good at this, as many students would be stuck due to the rural nature of the catchment area if plans were changed at short notice.
However, OP, as others have said, I would give your DD a key for emergencies and tell her to ring you about changed plans when she gets home, if you are not in.

[Goldmandra]

Secondary schools can't be expected to take responsibility for this kind of situation

I think they should probably make this clear to new parents. Ours certainly didn't.

[ilovesooty]

I don't see what is stopping her calling from the school office. Secondary schools can't be expected to take responsibility for this kind of situation

[TantrumsAndBalloons]

I wouldn't expect my DCs secondary school to tell me, well tbh I already know that they do not.

No mobile rule- yes you officially cannot have them in some schools, not DCs thank god, but my dn switches his off and puts it at the bottom of his bag, they won't confiscate it if they can't see it.

All my DCs have keys even the 10 year old. He regularly gets home 20 minutes before the older 2.

I am surprised that you haven't give her keys, what if there is an emergency and you have to go out?

[Goldmandra]

This is par for the course IME and you just need to make sure your DD can get in if she comes home unexpectedly.

Our catchment middle school is ten miles away and lots of parents work in the town a few miles in the opposite direction. When it snowed they closed the school and put the children, aged 9 to 12 on the school buses and send them home at the end of the morning.

I ended up with three taking shelter at mine because they came home to empty houses for which they didn't have keys.

[StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes]

we have a secret hidden key for those occasions when DS2 forgets his key.

[choccyp1g]

The sort of parent who was going to meet their child !

[sashh]

I'm confused were you in or out?

Was this a school event but not at the school?

Are you concerned that a parent might go out and a child arrive home and not be able to get in? What sort of parent would go out to do anything 20-30 mins before their child got home if the child didn't have a key?

There are so many things that could delay you form a car break down/heavy traffic to you just loosing track of time.

[tripadvisor]

At DS' secondary, they tell the kids to text their parents if matches are cancelled. (despite the fact that phones are officially banned, they all have them but keep them turned off)
For general clubs and after school training it's up to the the DCs to choose whether to go or not, but if it's cancelled and parents are picking up later, anyone is welcome to go into the library/resource centre to study or play on the computers.
We don't usually watch matches at secondary either, which feels a bit wierd.

[cory]

At 11 my dc had keys. But if not (and ds is rather good at leaving his behind) I would expect him to use his initiative, push a note through the door and go off to a friend's, or ask the school to be allowed to phone/email me.

Our secondary have a rule that you can bring a mobile but have to hand it in to reception- this means you can contact parents at the end of the day but cannot disrupt classes with it.

[noblegiraffe]

No, I wouldn't expect the school to tell you either. If your DD knew, and knew it was a problem, she could go to the office and use their phone to call you, or she could go to a computer room and email you.

It would be a huge amount of work for staff to work out which kids were expected at the event, find out the parental contact details and then send out a message.

At secondary, the kids are expected to take responsibility for this sort of thing.

[shellbot]

I mean not switched on in lessons.

[shellbot]

My DS was supposed to be helping out at a football match yesterday and I'd arranged with him to pick him up at 4pm. Because he wasn't told that it had been cancelled he didn't go for the school bus.

However reception phoned me to let me know that he was waiting to be picked up otherwise he'd have had to hang around for an hour.

He's got an old PAYG phone in his bag for emergencies as well which he's allowed but not in lessons.

[quoteunquote]

Get a key safe put it out of sight, no danger of losing keys or being locked out.

[BackforGood]

That's common for most secondary schools, phantom.
If a phone is in your bag and turned off, the school are hardly going to be conducting bag searches, are they? In circumstances where they can't get themselves home/know the parents are arranging their life around them, then the child phones at the end of the school day, once off the premises.

[phantomnamechanger]

YANBU, I would expect to be told. Not every child gets a bus home/can make their own way. Parents may be making special arrangements with work or other childcare that they do not need to stick to if the fixture is cancelled. If you are not expecting your child home till , say 5, and then start wondering where they are at 5.15, you really don't then want to discover they actually left school at 3pm and should have been home by 3.45.

I also think the no phones rule is stupid - kids who ARE making their way to and from school need them for emergencies and so parents can contact if running late etc. Ours has a strict rule that they are not allowed out in lesson time - if one is seen it is confiscated and the parents informed. The rule is not flouted!

[NotMeNotYouNotAnyone]

I think a text would've been useful but that most 11 year olds should be able to cope with looking after themselves in this situation

I think you should give her a key in case anything similar happens or for any other reason you're not home before her. Set rules for what she is and isn't allowed to do while on her own (aside from the usual don't answer the door , don't tell people you're home alone , is she allowed to cook ? Watch tv? Go out to the shop/a friends house ? Etc)

[TigOldBitties]

Yabu as this is totally normal for secondary.

However your dd is clearly your eldest child and has only recently started secondary, so YANBU, you just need to get used to the idea that most things will come through your DD now. You personally will probably only hear from the school if she is in trouble.

[BackforGood]

At secondary I wouldn't expect to be told.
At secondary, I'd expect all dc to have a key. (My Yr7 dd has had her own key since she was 9).
I don't see the problem with a secondary age dc getting home when their parent wasn't there.
Indeed, in Yrs5 and 6, when signing permission forms, I ticked the option that my dd could come home on her own at the end of school if a match had to be cancelled during the day.
YABU

[Sirzy]

At secondary school I would expect the child to contact parents as needed when something was cancelled. Pre mobile phones we used to ask at the office to call home if needed.

[ilovesooty]

I wouldn't expect a secondary school to inform the parents.

[KCumberSandwich]

At a secondary where most pupils are probably responsible for getting themselves home, no i wouldn't expect to be told.