Re DD (9) wetting herself

[HipHopHooray]

I am really grumpy about this but need a reality check before I complain!!

DD (9) played in a netball match yesterday after school. The netball court is on the school grounds but is a short walk from the buildings. About half an hour into the match she needed the loo, but was told she was not allowed to walk back to the building by herself (there were people inside, so just the walk that was the problem). She was told to wee in a bush if she needed to go. As the rest of the team heard this and laughed, she declined. Half an hour later she wet herself. She hid it well so no-one noticed, but she felt totally humiliated and has only just managed to tell me so I can wash her games kit.

I asked her whether she was told she wouldn't be able to go once they were playing and she is adamant she wasn't told.

So AIBU to complain?

[WorrySighWorrySigh]

manicinsomniac towards the end of primary a teacher may well not know every health detail. At this age many children are starting to want a lot more privacy even in normal circumstances. Children who are starting to realise that their needs are different from others may well be even more keen to maintain privacy.

I have some experience of this as one of my DCs has been suffering with gastric problems for some years. Even now in 6th form she is desperate to keep it private and has only recently told her form tutor.

As an adult I expect to be able to go to the toilet when I need to. Why is it considered acceptable to deny this to children? Why should a child be forced to beg to be allowed to go to the toilet?

Timid children may well not want to ask until they really need to go - especially if the teacher is known to be dismissive of such requests.

I find it alarming that a primary school teacher lacks the imagination to realise that a child might need to go to the toilet in the space of a sports lesson. This is entirely predictable.

[OrchidLass]

My daughter has Type 1 diabetes. If her blood sugars spike she needs to wee a lot. Her teachers know this and are amazing about it. When a supply teacher recently 'didn't believe' she needed to go to the toilet she wet herself in the classroom and was humiliated and distraught.

Manic I don't think a child who perhaps has her period should really have to tell a teacher so in order to be allowed to use the toilet. I know this wasn't the case with the OP but its entirely feasable and I think it's just mean not to allow children to use the toilet and I've always allowed it.

[OrchidLass]

And I've just realised that my use of 'just mean' makes me sound like a 12 year old.

[marriedinwhiteisback]

My child is 15 now. If she had attended a secondary school where she had to ask more than once in a toilet emergency manic she would be removed from it. In fact she did encounter problems over a similar issue although not involving toilets and oddly it was from the PE department. We removed her. No PE teacher in my opinion has the right to over-rule a decision made by a consultant surgeon and no PE teacher has the right to think that unless a child, especially a quiet shy one, needs to ask more than once to go. If my dd asked once and teacher said no unreasonably my child would accept the no and suffer. We brought out children up to respect their teacher's judgement; regrettably we have come across a particularly nasty PE teacher who didn't respect them, us or a highly qualified professional.

End result - school lost an A* predicted pupil. The OP needs to complain formally to the governors and in me opinion the PE teacher needs a formal sanction; not the child.

[pixiepotter]

It was a match!! The school rule is obviously kids are not allowed to walk back unaccompanied to the building Do you expect them to pull players off because your DD is too precious to go al fresco?

[candycoatedwaterdrops]

YANBU. I think some people are forgetting what it's like to be 9 years old. Her friends laughed, she was embarrassed. Poor girl. This is not the same as being on a hike where there are no toilets for miles and miles.

[marriedinwhiteisback]

What also strikes me having read your post again OP is that if there was only one PE teacher on duty at the match on the school grounds - what would have happened if there had been an accident involving one of the girls? I'm not sure the ratios were quite right in the context of HandS if the grounds are not safe for someone to walk back to school unaccompanied.

I think the teacher was totally out of order and I would also have some concerns about risk assessment and health and safety in your shoes.

[pixiepotter]

one PE tecgher is fine to manage a class on a school netball court.
OP what would you suggest the teacher did, that didn't entail wrecking the match assuming kids are not allowed to wander the school grounds alone?

[WhoKnowsWhereTheBonnetsGo]

My DD (7) has very good bladder control and as such has never needed to pee in a bush, therefore she probably would end up embarrassed, awkward and wet. She does occasionally get to the stage of being desperate because she is so wrapped up in what she is doing, or feels a bit shy to ask, fortunately it has never got as far as wetting herself but I know its close sometimes, I would be very upset indeed if at primary school she was given a straight "no" rather than a "can you hold on for 10 mins or are you desperate?" response. That's before you start thinking about periods, medical needs etc.

[Mojavewonderer]

Aww your poor daughter! What a horrid experience.
I would be absolutely furious if that happened to any of my children. Hope you give the school hell!

[HipHopHooray]

Thanks everyone.

I went in and spoke to her class teacher this morning. Apparently it is about staff ratios, but before I said anything she said "they need to sort this out - it's not ok." She was upset for my daughter and told me to leave it with her, so we'll see what happens.

There were actually 4 adults there - a teacher and TA from each school - and it is literally a jog round the corner to the school so I am surprised its such an issue but from her teachers reaction it's obviously a new policy.

Thanks for all your lovely messages and PMs - it was a great sanity check as always!

[candycoatedwaterdrops]

There were 4 adults?! That makes it even more unacceptable. Glad you've spoken to the teacher, hopefully they will re-consider their fucking ridiculous silly new policy.