To be sick of trying to lose weight and wonder if I should just accept myself as I am?

[JulietBravoJuliet]

I'm 5ft 7in, weigh 13st 12lb and I'm a size 16 (14 in a lot of trousers/jeans etc but big busted!). I'm not enormous by any standards. I feel like I've been on a diet of some description for most of my adult life, and I really, really struggle to lose weight. I have an under active thyroid, which, although I'm on drugs for, seems to slow my metabolism down, and I have to eat very carefully to drop a few pounds. I've lost just over a stone and a half with SW since May, but have now hit a standstill. I calorie track as well using MFP and I'm genuinely not overheating yet I'm struggling to drop anymore, and I hate the thought that if I manage to lose more, I'll have to "diet" for the rest of my life to maintain it.

Today, so far, I have eaten:
Banana and yoghurt for breakfast
Cup of tea
Small brown roll with boiled egg, lettuce, tomato, cucumber and onion for lunch followed by some grapes and an apple
In the slow cooker, I have some soup - 2 rashers of bacon chopped up, onions, carrots, lentils, garlic, leeks, celery and tinned tomatoes. I will eat some of this for tea with some naan bread croutons and have made a sugar free jelly with raspberries which I will have with some raspberry sorbet.
I'll perhaps have another banana, or maybe 2 weetabix and raisins at about 8pm if I'm peckish.

This is a fairly typical day and I don't think it's that bad? I eat chocolate probably 3 times a week, but tend to buy a little Freddo or a small Milky Bar, and have a couple of glasses of wine on a weekend. We have pasta 2 or 3 times a week, plenty of fruit and veg and I eat very little bread (never white as it bloats me).

I'm about ready to give up and just accept that I'll be fat forever! So frustrated!

[FunnysInLaJardin]

Juliet My anorexic mother was always the one who made me feel fat whether I was size 12 or size 20. That has taken a lot of dealing with. Thankfully my lovely DH has always accepted me for who I am and that has gone a long way to help me accept myself. FWIW I am 5.6 and vary at the mo between 13 and 14.5 stone. Pre DC I was always around 11 stone and felt fat. I feel fat now but accept that I always will, I am hard wired to feel this way. I felt fat at 9 stone ffs.

So at 42 and fed up to the back teeth of feeling inadequate I have decided to follow my DH's lead and love me for who I am.

Incidentally I am a solicitor and have 2 lovely children, a fab DH and a lovely life but even back when qualifying I told DH with all honesty that I would rather be thin than be a solicitor. Qualifying seemed a much more realistic goal! I was 11 stone and size 12/14 at the time......

[JulietBravoJuliet]

Yes I'm on levothyroxine. Had bloods done about 8 weeks ago and I think they tested for iron levels then. Usually get TSH levels checked once a year but maybe I ought to go and ask for them to be done again?

[GatoradeMeBitch]

It seems like most people need their TSH level to be under 1 to feel well and function properly. (The NHS does not agree...)

I only started feeling well when I replaced levo with lyothyronine (T3 instead of T4.) The NHS really screws us over, but you can help yourself absorb your meds better in different ways - avoiding goitrogenic foods, soya, peanuts; remembering to take your pill with a full glass of water every morning then waiting about an hour before eating, or even take it before bed - a lot of patients have had success with that.

[GatoradeMeBitch]

Oops, posted too soon. I meant to add that I think the NHS considers your bloods to be perfect if your TSH is under 5.

When my TSH was at about 3 I was constantly exhausted. I'm appalled that they let people with a TSH of nearly 5 just carry on with no extra support offered.

[Thants]

Just accept yourself! There's nothing wrong with you. So many women are on a perpetual diet which just leads to more stress and less health. Focus on things other than your appearance.

[MillyMillyMe]

Juliet
You don't eat too much
You exercise plenty
What about adding some light weights to your exercise routine. Weights help to tone up the muscles, help you to reduce your dress size and your clothes get loser and they increase your metabolism even at rest. You might need to up your protein.
Some of us just don't seem to lose much weight no matter how much we try unless we starve ourselves but that doesn't work for long. I have found that my weight routine and lots of walking really does make me go down a dress size or two although I don't change on the scales as muscle weighs more than fat but my clothes are definitely loser. I do Paul McKenna and I eat whatever I want as long as I am truly hungry and stop as soon as I am satisfied. After about 6 months I found that my portions have decreased a hell of a lot and im satisfied with very little because im eating all the foods I love.
I think that a lot of what people have said with regard to how we actually see ourselves in the mirror is true. Somedays I see a big fat girl and it can ruin my day. Other days I see a curvy gorgeous woman and know I look great. Paul McKenna also does a lot of psychological work with you in his book and mirror work. Very very helpful.
In my humble opinion, diets do not work. They don't work long term and nearly always at some point lead to overeating on food. What I personally have found after many many years is to eat like a "normal" slim person who has no food issues. They very rarely overeat....why would they......they are full. They don't use food like some of us do, for comfort, hugs, stress relief, happiness etc etc. Slim people just eat when they are hungry. Too simple maybe......???? For me it has been the only thing that has stopped the horrible cycle of hating myself.

[Lilacroses]

I think if you felt fat at size 12 then maybe you really ought to stop dieting and just "be happy". I know that is easy to say but what is the point if you lose the weight and you still feel rubbish? I honestly believe that anyone can look great and it really isn't about being thin. I also believe that slim people can be unhealthy and larger people can be very healthy and active. I suppose what I would do if I were you is find a way of eating that you are happy with, that is quite healthy but allows you to have treats sometimes. Exercise regularly and then see what happens.

[happybubblebrain]

Try and stop letting your body size be of such importance to you. Don't buy women's magazines. Don't look in the mirror much. Stop weighing yourself and measuring everything. Don't worry what other people think when they look at you. When I meet someone I'm not checking out their body, I'm trying to figure out what they're like as a person. Your personality and how good you are to others is a million times more important than how you look.

If you aim to be healthy and happy you will far more attractive than if you are skinny but miserable because you are hungry all the time.

[Sparrowlegs248]

I should read this thread fully. JBJ i know how you feel. I am the same height as you and am 12 st 7. Almost all of my clothes don't fit me. I am active - ride 3 times a week and poo pick for 5 daily!! Two classes a week (one cardio one strength)

I am a yoyo dieter. Lose weight quickly when i put my mind to it but cannot keep it off and haven't managed to put my mind to it for over a year.

But....i don't want to be happy with myself. So i need to get a grip....

[TooOldForGlitter]

Hanging around on FWR board has finally given me the confidence to loudly say that i love my body. Im 'fat' by conventional ideas (size 18) but i'm healthy and strong and fit. My body has made people. My body is AMAZING. So is yours.

[MillyMillyMe]

Whats the FWR board please TooOld

[TrueStory]

What happybubblebrain said!

Also, recommend reading "Fat Chance" by Dr Robert Lustig, have a look at the reviews on Amazon.

[TooOldForGlitter]

Feminism/womens rights

[MillyMillyMe]

Thank you.

[GenericNWMum]

Juliet I think there's a lot of merit in working out how I love yourself rather than focusing on your weight, but wanted to share the stress-free way I have found to lose a persistent stone i'd had for 3-4 years without ever getting rid of it. I bought the "escape the diet trap" book by John Briffa and lost that stone in 3 months and 6 months later it hasn't gone back on - because as another poster said up thread I've changed what my diet is, rather than be on a diet IYSWIM. It basically recommends, stopping all wheat products and cutting back completely on any grains at all - if you do have them they should be unrefined. Limit intake of sugar, always chose the full fat option and eat loads of leafy greens and protein. I don't feel like I'm on a diet, or that my food is bland. What really surprised me is that I don't feel bloated after meals anymore - hasn't realised I basically felt a bit unwell all the time!

On another note I can recommend meditation as a good way to improve self image

[GenericNWMum]

Phone is nuts - clearly i meant working on loving yourself - not me loving yourself...although I suspect you are a very loveable person!

[FreddieStarrAteMyHamster]

Dieting is too restrictive and miserable to manage long term. The only weight control method I have been able to stick to is the 5:2 as it doesn't dominate my life and it's simple (and for most of the week i can eat what I want).

[rainbowfeet]

Toooldforglitter ... Your post is brilliant!
Tonight I shall go on my date with the attitude this is me if you don't like all of me... Don't text or ring me again... Your loss

[badguider]

IMO and experience people who participate in sport (rather than "exercise") always look and more importantly feel better than those of the same size/weight as those who don't.

Not sure what treatment you're getting for your back but I swear by the value of private Physio (usually about £40) where you can get a programme to prepare and strengthen for riding again.
Focus on what your body can do rather than what it looks like and you will feel better, carry yourself better and end up looking better :)

[JulietBravoJuliet]

Hi :) thanks for all the replies!
badguider I'm seeing a chiropractor and it's making the world of difference! Expensive, but cheaper than being off work for weeks!

I shall check out these book recommendations :)

[CaptainTripps]

I've done it. I've lost a good bit of weight. Took 2 years. The key for me was exercise and portion control.
I do advise you to dump the milky ways and have a really good quality chocolate in the fridge with high cocoa content. Have a couple of squares to get rid of the chocolate craving. It won't leave you wanting more.
Bread rolls are a waste of calories. Like someone else said, they are at least 150 cals. I must have my bread but I have the Hovis small loaf - 50 cals per slice.
I don't think you should stop calories counting. Well - just be aware of what you are ingesting. I have a rough idea as with the bread example above. It doesn't mean you are obsessing over it.
I agree you should have your treats once a week.
Up your protein and lower your carbs.

[specialsubject]

with your medical issues it is always going to be difficult. Is there any chance of stabilising your thyroid problem?

there are some cons in your food intake though. Yogurt is a treat, not an everyday food - it is full of sugar, especially the low-fat varieties. Try muesli or porridge. Also raisins are very very sugary. You look short on complex carbs.

but given your health problems, you aren't doing badly at all.

[persimmon]

You're not much heavier and the same height as me OP, and when I joined SW two people in the queue asked me why I was there. I feel your pain, though. I'm 1.5 stones heavier than before I had DS and I know I look much more buxom and 'hippy', and I no longer wear jeans or trousers.
I'm now 43 and have decided to focus on health and general wellbeing rather than size. I've just booked my first spinning class (beginners!) and intend to walk a LOT more than I currently am.

[JulietBravoJuliet]

I'm looking forward to getting mobile again so as I can do some exercise; it's driving me mad being like this! I just want to feel comfortable in my skin. Tonight, for example, I've been to a friends in the village for dinner. There was 7 of us there in total, all close friends who do this often. I struggled with the sitting down lark due to my back, but all I could think about all night was if my belly was sticking out, and how fat and clumsy I felt. That's what I need to get rid of; not necessarily the belly but the paranoia that I look like crap. All the people I was with have seen me regularly and couldn't give a shit how I look. I know this yet I still feel awkward :(

[PrimalLass]

I'm not sure if anyone else has said this, but if you have an underactive thyroid you should be cutting back on carbs and avoiding gluten if possible.

I am the same, and should practise what I preach...