To be a bit surprised by this

[pigsDOfly]

In the park today with my dog, not my most regular park so don't know anyone there although people are generally friendly.

Sitting on a bench throwing a ball for my dog when a man and a small child came towards me. The man asked if his daughter could stroke my dog (we're very used to this as dog is smallish and fluffy).

After the little girl had stroked the dog for a while the father told her he was going to the loo (we were sitting near the cafe) and asked her if she wanted to go with him or stay and talk to my dog. She said she'd stay and we had a nice chat, during which I found out her name, her birthday, her age (2 years) and a few other bits and pieces; he wasn't gone long, but long enough to wee obviously.

When he came back we chatted a little bit more and off they went.

Now, I'm a respectable looking woman, I think, and it was about 4.30 in the afternoon in broad daylight in the middle of a public park. The town is generally friendly and safe and obviously the father felt his child would be fine to be left, so aibu to think it a bit odd to just walk off and leave your 2yo child, albeit a very grown up 2yo, with a complete stranger?

[pigsDOfly]

Thanks for your responses.

I wasn't annoyed that he left her with me, just a bit taken aback. She was a lovely little girl and we had a lovely chat, but people seem to be so suspicious of strangers these day and I did think it was a bit unusual and was just interested to know what other's thought.

In my Mother's day she would have left her babies in their prams outside shops, as someone said they did, but by the time I had my children no one I know would have dreamed of doing that.

I think it might be the town I live in as well. People here tend to be quite trusting and you still see children out on their bikes with their friends.

[ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee]

I think it was rude of him not to ask you if it was OK, but I don't think it was a terrible thing of him to do. 2 year olds touch everything and mens toilets are generally vile. I'd have done what he did as well. Often when PT an older one I've left (a happy to be left) younger one in someone else's care. Usually in a cafe though, but still...

[BarbarianMum]

YANBU to be surprised but I don't think he did anything wrong (apart from not checking w you but you could have spoken up if not comfortable).

Nor do I think it would have been wrong to take his little girl into the gents.

As for the 'what to do when you are lost' info mine are told to:

1. Stand still and wait to be found.
2. If they are in a shop/building not to leave it for any reason, with any person.
3. If they need help to ask a policeman (fat chance), or go to the tills (if in a shop) or to tell a mummy with children they are lost.

On the few occasions they have been seperated from me they have always stood still, started crying, and been immediately 'found' by a 'mummy w children' who has waited with them. I have also found several lost children and done the same.

[devilinside]

It is the kind of thing I would do and, have been judged for by many parents. I have AS and use logic to judge situations, rather than emotion.

[froken]

Yabu. It is very very very unlikely for q stranger to abduct a child. Out of all the risky things in life leaving a2 year old with a woman for a few minutes is fairly safe.

I also don't think it is an issue for small children boys/girls to see a penis.

The issues in my opinion with taking a child into the men's toilets would be hygiene, I think a 2 year old would be likely to touch things. I would personally feel the risk of a toddler getting ill from public toilet germs was greater than the risk of leaving the toddler with a stranger for a couple of minutes.

Another problem could be if the child liked to comment on other mens penises "look daddy that man has a littlewilly" or "that will doesn't have a hood!"

I leave my baby asleep in his pram outside shops and cafes but I avoid public toilets if at all possible.

[choccychoccylover]

Well at the rate public loos are being closed the question will be academic

[JustBecauseICan]

People who want to harm children are rare, as another poster has said.

And generally to be found within the 4 family walls rather than sitting on a park bench tbh.

Lunatic- there are a fair few, especially since policemen disappeared off the beat.... Usual advice is to ask a mummy-with-children.

[Sinful1]

Public gents are pretty grim tbh though

[KissesBreakingWave]

People who would harm a child are, thankfully, vanishingly rare. Pick a random stranger in public and the odds are thousands to one on that a littlun would be safe with to them. Leave a child in public and wait for someone to approach the child? The odds are different for that, to be sure. Which is why you tell your kids to pick someone and go to them, rather than waiting for someone to intervene.

[CloverkissSparklecheeks]

I would not have been happy for DH to do this at all. Also why couldn't a 2 YO go into the toilet with her dad? You would take a 2 YO DS into the ladies?

If the dog ran off or something you may have had to go after it and leave her on her own. I know that may sound a bit daft but she wasn't actually in your care.

[jammiedonut]

I'm sure there was a thread not that long ago about a woman leaving her baby with a lady whilst she used the loo in a coffee shop. I'm not sure how this is different? I've asked people to hold ds whilst I get buggy and shopping off the bus, this could take at least five minutes. Yes there is a tiny tiny minority of people who would abduct a child, but luckily most people are normal, law abiding citizens who can be trusted. I'm sure this father is as perfectly capable as I am to decide that you are someone who can keep an eye on his child for a couple of minutes whilst he uses the loo. I'm guessing as he gave her the choice he wouldn't have a problem with her going in whilst he uses the loo, but might actually prefer to stay and stroke a dog! It is rude of him not to ask your permission, would you have declined if he had?

[TheCrumpetQueen]

I'm sure it's because you're a woman he felt it was safe to leave the child with you, which is stupid of him tbh.

[Wheresmycaffeinedrip]

In all honesty it's strange but I wouldn't have minded watching the girl. Gents loos can be revolting and I wouldn't wanna take a child into them.

He should have asked though and not assumed. I think what's more strange though is a few years back this wouldn't have been such a major thing to do. Sign of the times I guess :(

[Smoorikins]

ICame, why would you worry that she isn't his daughter? If she was kidnapped, the last thing that someone would do is leave her with a stranger, obviously she would say something.

Would I do it? Probably not. Would I worry if someone else did it? No. But then I don't live in an anonymous area. I live in a small community, in a very low crime area. That probably colours my view. I certainly wouldn't do it in most places in the UK.

[5madthings]

actually although i think it is odd and not ok that he didnt ask you op, hsd he asked you to watch her for a minute then i think its ok.


but its perfectly fine for a young girl to go.in the gents with her dad.

[FredFredGeorge]

Caitlin17 WTF? Why would a 2 year old have to stand outside the gents because there's a urinal ? That is completely and utterly bonkers, 2 year old girls (and older!) go into the gents when out with their dads and one of them needs a pee. They even often point in the urinal and say "pee!", other men don't bat eyelids, it's very common.

It's not funny to teach them to point and laugh at other men though, or say things like "what's that, it's very small!"...

The main odd thing was the lack of asking pigsdofly about it, as that makes it rude and presumptuous. The general point of disappearing out of sight and trusting strangers for a minute or two I'm much less bothered with.

[JustBecauseICan]

Folk can't win can they?

How many threads do we have saying that we tell our children to look for the nearest mummy-style lady if they get lost?

[SpiritOfTheBuskersCat]

I took dd into the gents when the queue for the ladies was too big, there is no way I'd leave a 2yo with a stranger

[3birthdaybunnies]

Phew, for a while in the middle of the night I feared that MN had completely broken and I had entered a parallel universe where posters thought girls will self destruct if they see a penisso the obvious solution is to trust a stranger. Glad to see it fixed itself!

[MiniMonty]

OUCH - I am a father of three children and would NEVER have done that (don't care how nice you look sound or feel). I'm sure you're lovely but...

Leave my two year old with a stranger?
No fu**ing way.

If I'm going to strut around saying I'm the Alpha Male then then the first and most basic qualification for that is "I protect my offspring".

[DontPanicMrMannering]

Oh and op yanbu I have left dd2 as a baby with an old couple as a baby when I was struggling with dd1 but they offered and looked too old to get far plus a cafe fullof pensioner's witnessed so would rugby tackle potential baby theft!

But in this instance without even asking you very odd.

[DontPanicMrMannering]

It's about time we had "family" or just individual toilets. There are plenty od dads that need to take in young DDs and mums who have boy's too young to go alone but old enough to fight going to the ladies!