To ask for advice after my child was bitten by another child

[citruslemon]

My daughter is currently at primary school.
She is then picked up my someone from a privately run after-school club. My daughter and a childcare worker walk down to the club and she is there until I pick her up.

The school has no after care. I can't find a childminder in the area.
I was so happy when I located this club.

I was worried when I saw the Ofsted report because it says "The inspection took place following a concern about an accident involving a child who had fallen off a chair.

Children's safety is not consistently awarded the highest priority. In an isolated incident, practitioners were not vigilant enough and this resulted in a child sustaining an injury."

But the report acknowledged that as a result of this risk assessments had been done and procedures about safety being put in place.

Today when I went to pick her up the nursery worker seemed really quiet and on edge. All the other workers turned their backs to me and didn't look at me. Usually they are chatty and around me. The nursery worker started whispering to the other and pointing to the back of her hand, and she just turned around and ignored her.

My daughter was sat far away from all the other kids, really quietly drawing, looking withdrawn.

Then the worker told me that another child had bitten my daughter's hand and hurt her. She still had bite marks in her hand and looked upset.

I could feel myself getting really emotional so I picked her up and left. It was so obvious the other staff were ignoring me. I had a meeting with the manager to sign some paperwork and even she ignored me and let me go.

When I got into the car I asked my daughter what happened. She said the teachers were standing talking to another adult with their backs to her and the other kids. One kid bit her hand and held onto her hand with it in his mouth.

It was only when she started around that the teachers turned around.

Even now I am feeling upset, angry, sad, annoyed - all sorts.
What would you all advise?!

[Turniptwirl]

The most worrying part to me is the staffs attitude to you when you came to pick dd up, and the fact that she still seemed withdrawn from the other kids.

Kids bite and hit etc and staff will always miss things, even parents miss things. But their response should have been more professional.

[SarahBumBarer]

How many staff are there if there are never more than 4 kids there? From your OP it sounded like lots but that seems odd if only 4 kids? Perhaps the ones who "ignored" you were simply off duty?

[lljkk]

Ditto.

[ICantGoOverItICantGoUnderIt]

I'm afraid that biting incidents do happen in these settings. It has happened on my watch (literally) - it can happen in a split second. Even if you actually see it happen, a child can bite another in an instant.

However, I think the attitude of the staff after the incident is much more worrying. Perhaps they are sensitive due to the ofsted report, but their sensitivity is not your concern. IMO they should have:

Apologised to you.

Told you that her injury has been cleaned and tended to as necessary.

Filled out an incident form and got you to read and sign.

Assured you that the other child's parents will be informed.

If appropriate, explained what steps will be taken to ensure the other child does not repeat this behaviour.

Been seen to be comforting and cheering up your daughter.

Been generally open, apologetic and sympathetic to you as a parent who has had a bit of frightening news.

I would not ignore your instincts about these staff.

[babybythesea]

Someone else who thinks the incident itself isn't the biggest worry, but how the staff dealt with first your daughter (lots of cuddles etc) and then you.

When my dd hurt herself at nursery, or was hurt by another child including being bitten twice, a member of staff would always talk me through what happened, show me any marks or show me if there had been a mark and where it was even it was now faded (as in "she had a small red mark on her back just here" - as they lift her t-shirt to show me - "but it faded within ten minutes" or something like that). And then I had to sign a form which detailed the incident and and marks etc. They would make sure I knew what was on the form and was happy with it. And they would tell me how they dealt with dd ("she cried for ten minutes so she sat on X's lap and was cuddled and then she had a drink and went off to play with the trains"). You don't expect them all to flock round you to tell you but it sounds very offhand.

[babybythesea]

Just read my first line back and it's not clear.

What I meant was if she was upset as a result of the incident, then she should have been getting some TLC not left to fret by herself.

[cory]

Chiming in with the others.

If you had a biting toddler at home yourself you would probably realise that even with a 1: 2 ratio you can't prevent all incidents: biters move like lightning and often don't signal their intentions in any way; they are quite likely to bite completely out of the blue in the middle of a friendly game. The only way to prevent it would be to ensure that no other child ever came within a one metre radio of your dd.

But the staff are supposed to be professionals: they should have experience of reassuring bitten children and their parents.

[Chocotrekkie]

Did you get a report of the incident ? (written or verbal) if not I would complain to ofsted first thing on Monday morning.

They obviously knew it happened and a 5 year old shouldn't be responsible for telling you about something like that.

Did they treat the bite ?? - you should know if first aid was administered to your child.

[hettie]

I have been bitten by my own ds (when a toddler) and it happens so bloody quickly in reality there is rarely anything you can do to stop it before it happens. It's unfortunate and upsetting for the child that gets bitten (both have mine have been bitten whilst paying with other kids), but hard to prevent.
Is this about the biting incident or the staffs reaction? You need to discuss your concerns and give them feedback (about how they reacted). You can change the way they deal with/discuss incidents like this. However,you will never be able to ensure that your dd never gets bitten at childcare....

[StupidFlanders]

I agree the biting is not the issue. It happens even when watching.

Ignoring you was just weird.

Just some advice for the person who posted about the child being bitten by the same child regularly- my ds was a child who bit the same child a couple of times a week!

My friend was a specialist and advised it was common because it's not the lead up to the bite that matters- it's the payoff. He realised if he bit X, he got lots of (negative) attention. Next time they totally ignored him and only fussed over the victim and it never happened again.

[quoteunquote]

Badly run place, one member of staff should meet and greet, the others should be focused on the children,

of course biting happens, but how it is handled is key, no one was sat with your daughter then, making her feel safe?

they need some good management, sounds like it is really poorly lead,

Either find somewhere else or make sure you read them the riot act, explain that you were disappointed in their attitude towards yourself and the incident.

Suggest to the owners they need better management, feed back your experience, they may need a shake up, if they get an honest feedback, they might make an effort.

I hope you can find a better arrangement for your child, because you will find it hard to have confidence in them because of their lack of response.

[LongTailedTit]

StupidFlanders - that's a good strategy and what I do with DS when he bites, I'll see if they're open to suggestions! The mum of the bitee was v angry about the biting in a "it's dreadful, my child would never do such a thing" way (no, but he's happy to thump people instead), and not at all understanding, but I know the biter's mum too and she might appreciate the suggestion.

[AwayWithTheFay]

I understand the "what do you expect with kids" etc etc but I agree with Quoteunquote - one member of staff should meet and greet, the others should be focused on the children.

[StupidFlanders]

longtailed it was horrible, the mum was making threats to the centre, the centre was desperately trying to find what "triggered" him to bite and they were reluctant to believe that there was no trigger and their response was his payment.
They had to literally pretend he didn't exist while they fussed over the victim turning theirs backs to him while moving away.

[StupidFlanders]

I might add that because of this I've never batted an eyelid when mine have been bitten at daycare!

[SmiteYouWithThunderbolts]

The bite itself wouldn't be the biggest issue for me. Some kids bite; it happens and there are ways to deal with it. I would be very concerned at the staff's reaction though and as to whether the incident had been properly handled.

[cg13]

Make an appt to see the manager, ask what the details were of the incident (acknowledging they won't tell you the identity of the biter) and ask how they have dealt with it (eg did they tell the biter's parents) and how they plan to prevent it happening or deal with it if it happens again. If they know that you are interested hopefully they'll be sufficiently vigilant in future (this has happened numerous times to my DD at nursery, and like you I felt really upset).

[ChunkyPickle]

I agree with everyone else - biting happens, but the staff's response is not even slightly right.

DS has been bitten a couple of times (and bitten someone else once) - each time leaving marks (one very impressive marks - for weeks!). Each time I was told about it (not told the child that did the biting.. although DS told me and other parent approached me and said sorry too), told what they did (cold compress, hugs, whatever), and in neither case was DS at all traumatised by it (although he was clearly embarrassed and guilty the day it was him that did the biting)

That is normal behaviour. Leaving an upset child sitting alone (unless that is what she wanted) is not.

[HorryIsUpduffed]

My 2yo was bitten by another child on Thursday. When I arrived they showed me the mark, briefly explained the incident, assured me they had Spoken To the biter and to the biter's parents, and got me to sign an incident form.

It had really been at least half DS's fault though - snatching/not sharing - but the staff were quick to distinguish between "normal" toddler behaviour (toy tug of war) and unacceptable behaviour (biting).

Their Ofsted is rated Good and the setting has a long waiting list.

In the OP's case I don't think proper procedures are being followed.