to not want to go back to work to basically pay the childcare?

[lill72]

Hi all,
love to hear your thoughts...

I have been a SAHM to my almost 3 year old, doing the very occasional freelance work. My DH was out of work for 9 months which pushed us to the limit. He is now back at work and earning a decent salary contracting. I started looking for jobs and am waiting to hear back about one which sounds promising...

When I looked at what I would be getting per day, it barely seems worth it. It is a decent salary, but depending on childcare costs, best case I would £45 per day, worst case is £15. I would need a nursery and someone to pick up (is nanny/childminder)

I think my DH would like me to do it to get us back on track, but this seems like a waste of time. I don't know if he wants some backup as he is contracting, but I don't think that is it.

He is currently doing a 2 hour commmute each way, so all childcare would be left to me.

I feel guilty not wanting to do the job. I really want to change careers, so would be doing it purely for the money, but then there is not much to be made taking childcare into account.

has anyone been in a similar situation?

[thetrackisback]

I ad twins and a 2 year old. I felt strongly that I didn't want to pay someone to look after my children for a career I wasn't fussed about. I do a days work to keep my hand in but even then I'm considering a sabbatical. Your children are only little once and if you want o be t home there s nothing wrong with that.

[Beastofburden]

long term perspective here- even after all my SAHM and part-time years, I will have a good 20 years before I retire of earning the same as my DH. When we retire, his pension will be a bit bigger than mine but not that much bigger.

Most people will be in profit a lot sooner than I was. I have paid childcare for longer than most due to disability in my youngest- I will only stop paying once he is 18- and it has still been worth it.

I do sympathise that this is perhaps not the job you want. Changing work areas though is perhaps a bit of a luxury given that your DH is in a fragile job market. Maybe see what you can do to build a CV that takes you towards your preferred area over the next five years? then you would feel that you are making an investment in your future career, and not just treading water.

[KatyTheCleaningLady]

Think of it this way:

Your partner pays for half the childcare. So you pay for half.

And, think about the long term financial implications for you. Pension, skill building, and where you will be on the salary ladder five years from now, and beyond.

Finally, it's healthy for you to be out there, working and focusing on something other than home and hearth.

[avolt]

I was in a similar situation and opted to work evenings/weekends in a lower paid job instead. Mainly because I didn't really like my ft job anyway. Short-term I was taking home more pay.

But as many have pointed out, it is at a cost - loss of earning potential, pension, security in the long-term.

I changed to working mornings only once dc school age. It suits us but we're not wealthy. I enjoy having the afterschool time with the dc but I won't have much of a pension.

Maybe think about what sort of lifestyle you would like long-term.

[pianodoodle]

We found the same problem.

It's partly the reason why we're having our second child (due at christmas) close to the first as it means we can get the early years over faster to enable me to get back to work more quickly.

The nature of my work is that it takes time and effort to build up business though, so if I did it now, then in a years time had another baby, I'd stand to lose a lot of work that I'd have to build back up from scratch.

It's really hard to find a balance but if it works out that you are just working to pay childcare I can see why you'd be reluctant unless the work was going to significantly affect your prospects in other ways.

[Fairyegg]

I would love to earn £15 a day after childcare, that sounds quite a lot to me. I'm guessing your dh thinks its a good idea for you to work incase his contract ends. At least if it did he could do the childcare and you can bring in an income. your ds will be in school soon as well so the big expense is only for a short while. You also have to think about your pension etc.

[SarahBumBarer]

I assume that your partner having just been out of work for 9 months is scared of being in that situation again and would like to know that there is something to fall back on (like you being in work) if the worst happens. I can only sympathise with him for that - I think it is a huge pressure being the sole breadwinner in a family and that situation is something that requires the comittment of both parties.

[lill72]

Thank you for all your comments. All helpful and insighful - except for Caringorm - I think you should watch before you speak too soon. I was looking for a job and have been to a number of interviews - it is quite hard to get jobs in my area, esp in this climate. Anyway... moving on from unhelpful...

All of your comments are very interesting -sounds like this is the norm.

To the nanny that asked - I am currently at a nursery that is £80 per day from 8.30-5.30 then i would need pick up from CM or nanny until 7pm. so anotehr £10-15. Or there is another nursery from 8-6 for £55 though not as good. then I would need pick up til 7pm. so add on another £10. also lookin at nanny share. Nanny is unlikely, as unviable but would love to take to swimming lessons etc but have to be realistic.

My husband is willing me to work, but at the same time saying I should get pregnant asap. I had terrible morning sickness last time and I know it may not happen but have a fear of this, plus going into a job knowing I want to get pregnant immediately.

All the benefits of being in work - pension etc are all good. But as I want to change industry anyway, doing this to stay in the game so to speak is not something that matters.

I do want to support my husband and him not feel all the pressure but as I said he wants me to work, get pregnant and take all the childcare responsibility now! ahhhhh, it is not simple is it


your thoughts have given me lots to think about - so thanks...

[PrimalLass]

TBH if your LO would have to be with childminder/Nanny until 7pm then I think that sounds really stressful for you all.

I work freelance. It is perfect for these few years while the children are small.

[Bodicea]

£80 a day for a nursery! That seems like an awful lot. I take it you are in London or the surrounding area? Can you not find anything cheaper? What about a childminder? They ten to be more flexible on pickup times as well.

[lill72]

Yes PrimalLass I would finish at 6 at the earliest and so 7pm gives me slight leeway to get home. As DH gets home at 7-7.30 he is not really an option to pick up so it could be a little stressful if I had to say stay late.

I agree freelance is better - I have done it and will do it - just slightly upredictable and often last minute so having to orgnaise childcare can be difficult.

Yes - I am in London. Amazingly have found another nursery for £55 that has just opened. Childminder - do have one but she looks after her little 8 month old and think DD would get a raw deal full time. Handy for pick ups though - although not sure she would have DD until 6.3-/7.

Hmmm,... will be a few weeks until I find about job, so thinking, thinking of all options...

Thanks thetrackisback - I agree - nothing wrong with saying you want to look after the little ones

[Oblomov]

Why would your dd get a raw deal.
I always used a nursery and was always very very happy.
Few people earn THAT much in the beginning, or until their child is 3. Or if you then have another child.
BUT, this is all about the long term. I worked part time since birth of ds1. Ds2 started school today.
Now, I will only,require some childcare in holidays. But it is always getting better and better and less and less costly childcare. I think that is the only way you can look at it.

[ziggiestardust]

I think you could really regret turning down a potential £900 a month (after child care). That is the reality; after tax I earn £2k a month. DS' nursery bill is £800 a month. It is what it is.

I look to the future; we'll be more stable thanks to me being in work, I've since gained a promotion and am working towards another, and DS has gained confidence and friends.

It is a luxury being a SAHM; one which I cannot afford, sadly.

[BionicEmu]

I do feel for you, but to be honest I would love to be able to be £15 a day up. I'm due back in Jan but will be making a net loss of £15 a day. That's right - nursery + commuting costs = £15 more than my take-home pay.

[Groovee]

I went back to work when dd was 5 and ds was 3. For 2 years yes, I worked for childcare (the second year I needed to pay money out of dh's wages to make up the shortfall) but after 2 years both children were in school and my wages were my own again.

I hated it but it got my foot in the door and I've really progressed further than having 7 years out. So sometimes you do just have to suck it up.

[ziggiestardust]

Also, can you consider a nanny share with another family? Say 1 day at your house, one day the other family's house? That can work out really well financially. A nanny can also flex a little.

Or, would you consider an au pair/au pair plus? They could take up the slack of nursery pick up and drop off? You should be getting state funding soon; so 15 hours which is a day and a half. You could pay for another 3/4 half day sessions, and ask an au pair to work around this, which could also work out quite a bit cheaper.