This topic raises its ugly head every time she visits (few times a year from US). It stresses me out no end and have to the point where I think it needs to be addressed (I normally run away from people like this and avoid confrontation but can't here).
Mil (who's financially doing well- we are doing ok too) is extremely stingy with my 2 little kids.I've stopped 'looking the gift horse in the mouth' (its cultural for me but I'm in a mixed race marriage so happy to adjust) so now appreciate any thoughts of gifts from her.
My gripe is her reluctance to spend a cent/pence when out with the kids- not even an ice cream- they come back hungry after many hours. She will claim that she only brought x-amount which turned out to be not enough. When out with us, if DH is around- doesn't pay for anything which is fine. When its with me and kids, she either looks in her very small purse for a really long time (I've been watching the past 10 years and have on purpose delayed my purse too which doesn't work!), or just turns away when its time to pay/toilet etc. So of course I pay. A recent example is- she wanted a canal ride (which I have to pay for of course) which had a 15 min wait, she was hungry and wanted to get herself something to eat and decided to bring one child. The other started crying and wanted to go along so I looked for them- found them and she was looking at pastries etc and naturally the kids wanting some (they are little and normally share one). I stood back. She then actually suddenly decided that she didn't want to eat anymore and left the place and later said to me that perhaps its a better idea to just all eat after the ride- I never had a coffee the rest of the day. The kids went for rides, little snacks etc, my mum was also there and paid for some of the rides (she wanted to as a grandma)- mil did not spend a pence on anyone else (but bought something for herself to eat on her own).
I'm quite generous and consider myself kind hearted and have worked extremely hard to have a decent life (forgoing fun as a young person). I prefer kind people and generally stay away from stingy ones. I find her lack of 'spirit of generosity' extremely hard to handle- I've tried for 10 years but it really upsets me. It was ok before the kids cause we always paid for her very happily (plus fil was there who had a sense of fairness).
But her tightness with the kids- then coming up with justifications for her actions (meaning she knows what she's doing!).
Should we bring this up or should I suck it up?
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To chat with MIL about money- or get DH to
37 replies
sagalsmith · 03/09/2013 10:12
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